Sounds like a jealous control freak...tell him you're not budging. And if he walkts out yell after him "Dont't let the door hit you where the good Lord split you!"

Probably just bluffing anyways.

He is the one hiding something from you. Whenever one person is dishonest, then they start not trusting the other (often innocent) party. Then accusations start, etc. Talk to him about what is really going on. I don't see the big deal about a password- that can always be changed anyway. You can tell him it and pacify him. However there is more going on here than him wanting to know your password.

Hmmm…sounds like projection to me. What is HE hiding?

This is a tough one... there must be a reason why your DH is concerned about your emails? I can't imagine that out of the blue he just decided one day that he would like to see your email account? Have you told him that your email is like your diary or personal journal?

I can see from his side that by you denying him, in his mind you are trying to hide something from him. Do you really think that he is going to file for divorce? Will he seriously go to a lawyer and tell him that his "grounds" for divorce are that you have an email account that you won't give him access to?? In my state at least, it wouldn't fly and he'd most likely be laughed out of the lawyer's office.

If you give him the password, he will have all the power. Everytime you have a fight, he will know he can wave divorce in your face and get his way. I hope you continue to be strong and don't give in, and I do hope you seek marriage counceling as well. This definitely is something bigger than a password.

I can definitely see both sides of this. DH has a separate computer at home where he does all his work and correspondence and he keeps it locked ALL THE TIME. If I'm working on my computer and our kids want to do something, they can't. I have called him to ask for the password and he won't give it to me. He won't even allow me access to our bank account (which he accesses online via his computer) without being there to monitor me. And the second I am done looking at it he locks the computer. All of this is suspicious to me. I told him he should give me the password, and he won't. I don't like it, BUT I didn't threaten divorce. I just told him that when he dies there will plenty of his friend who will never know because I don't know all their names and I won't be able to access his computer.

This is a tough choice. If you are venting your frustration and concern that you know he can't handle hearing but knows that you're feeling that way, then what does it hurt for him to see? He might get pissed that you're airing your "dirty laundry" to other people, but if there's nothing to hide, there's nothing to hide. At the same time, he needs to show you his email account too.

At the same time, and like so many people above have said, this is a control tactic and hanging a divorce over your head definitely is not healthy. Giving ultimatums like that generally doesn't go over well. In addition, let's just say you DO give him access to your email -- then what? What is the next thing that you get an ultimatum on?

I realize this is a principle thing. You say that you and he are best friends, so there has to be a way you can come to an amicable resolution to this. In addition, you may want to consider taking counseling together. It seems that there are some unresolved issues that are coming to the forefront that need addressed.

Good luck to you.

I have never given my H my password or anything like that BUT he did see me checking my email once and demanded to look to see what I had in there.

The result? He got upset because of some stupid SPAM email that was in my Inbox!! OMG, then I had to sit there and educate him about email accounts and unwanted email (aka Spam) that comes in the account, blah, blah, blah. He is not too computer literate.

Guess what? It didn't make him any more trustful of me than he was - which was not much in the first place!

I am playing devils advocate here...

My question is...was he cheated on in a previous relationship? exW or another very important woman? My DH exW cheated on him unmercifully and he knew it. It destroyed him. My exH cheated on me, too. It took us both a LONG time to get over that and it took some serious soul searching to be able to trust another human being enough to just let go of those hurts. We both still get nervous every once in a while and need some extra attention. Saying that to say that if DH was severly hurt in a past relationship, while very controling, can be his attempt to reach out for a little re-affirmation (not even sure that's the right word I want to use...)

I'm not saying that what he is doing is altogether right, but maybe, there are underlying issues that he wants to talk about.

If all else fails, warn him that he will certainly see things that he will not like, he is welcome to look one time and that you will be changing your password after he is done. Make him understand that all sane women need a venting place and that vents are just what they are--vents. And those emotions can often times be scary for a man to see ....

Does he want to open your mail also? Tell him email is no different. You don't open his and he doesn't open yours.

So tell him you're willing to give him access to anything you're allowed access to. In fact you want his passwords to his phone if he has passwords as well as his email. Tell him neither of you are allowed to erase messages or phone number records saved in the phone and ell him you'll have the right to open the US mail when it comes in also.

If there are no secrets in this marriage then there will be no secrets.

However if you're both willing to end a marriage over this I'd let it end. There's not much there to let this pull it apart however you are entitled to this privacy so its up to you.

Wow this is a tough one. I would say give him the password - once you have all his passwords too. That is the only way it is fair.

He will most likely never even look at it, just afraid you are hiding something. I have asked DH to look up something on my e-mail when he was wigging out about it, just so he could see, there is nothing there from another man, etc. I have always had his passwords, he asks me to look up things on his too. I e-mail things to myself I don't want lost, documents, etc.

I try to be really careful what I put in writing, especially e-mail because it can be forwarded so easily. For journaling I like 'livejournal', set to completely private.

I have my wife's E-mail PW and she has mine. We don't look unless one of us asks the other to get something out of the other's E-mail. Account passwords, plane tickets, etc....

As for the threats of divorce, the next time he throws the D-word out there on this topic tell him to hold a second, pick up your cell phone, dial 411 and ask for the number for the locksmith. Then turn to your DH and tell him that he has about 45mins to pack a bag and get the F out before the locksmith comes to change the locks.

Call his bluff.

This guy is a putz IMHO.

Best regards,

I'd give him the password but fuel the fire first. Make sure all email are about him & stepkid too. And how sad or depressed you are at home with your lack of privacy. Exaggerate via email how your life was so secure before you met him, and the dreams/goals you USED to have are now gone. He won't be interested too long in reading about you feel shortchanged or he could be interested and try to make you really happy.

The only time I ever had a man give a rat's a$$ about my e-mail password it was my 2nd ex, who I found out was not only having affairs, but he was also doing coke when he was on the road... he was an OTR truck driver. GREAT mood for 2 weeks while he was gone, then he'd come home and be a complete a$$hole to me and the kids the whole time he was home. It took a few months before I knew what was going on for sure because I had never been around drugs at all to know what signs there were. By the time I found everything out, it was like he had a whole other life while he was on the road that was completely seperate and independent from us.

I'm not saying that your dh is cheating or doing something dishonest, but it's definitely weird. Either someone's filling his head full of sh** or he's up to something himself. I do like someone else's idea of letting him see your email without actually giving him the password. Although I'd go hide those venting journal ones before you show it to him. If he sees that stuff, he'd probably be a total jerk about it.

Make a new one and forward what you want to keep to it..delete anything personal show him then change your password..or just make one so similar he wont notice and apply to horoscopes and other random emails then give it to him..let him check it everyday lmao