DH thinks 11yr old is responsible.....
MY SS11 lives my DH and I and his BM is no longer around. My DH lets his BS do basically whatever he wants. He lets him go all over our neighborhood on foot and on a bike all day long. He is a tiny 11yr old who in my opinion should be playing out front or within a block or two and making new friends closer to our house since the other friends he has are bad kids. I believe an 11 yr old should NOT have a cell phone at all, but my DH disagrees. He bought him one behind my back. He thinks he should have it to check in. I think that he should check in once an hr face to face so we know what he is doing.
Also, my DH says that he is responsible and is ok w/him hanging out with the bad kids as long as he's not doing the same things. (DH didn't want him to hang out with them before, but now they are ok b/c he doesn't have a ton of friends) He lets him hang w/2 out of 3 kids that do a TON of bad things. These are things that they could go to jail for.
So overall he can roam our neighborhood and do whatever he wants as long as he stays out of trouble. I am just in awe :jawdrop: at some things my DH says. I have a BD that is 7 and you better believe that she will be doing NONE of these things. I feel like every thing I suggest is not even taken into consideration and my DH does what he feels is right and this is putting a strain on our marriage. On top of that my SS11 lies constantly. I am at the end of my rope and my DH knows it. I feel like I am not respected when it comes to things w/my SS and I don't know what else to do. My next move is getting a separation which I don't wanna do, but I don't know what else to do.
HELP!!!!!!!!!!
Here is a point you can make
Here is a point you can make to your DH. When his son checks in and says he is at the library helping a disabled child get a book off the top shelf, how does he know he isn't at the nearest 7-11 shoplifting? See this is why I always wanted a land line number.
Just sit back and wait for the fan to connect with the excrement. It will pretty soon. The bad kids want a patsy and a fall guy and Mr wimpykid11 wants to be one of the cool guys and do bad things he will get away with ... until he gets caught.
When that happens do NOT say "Told you so." because your words will be echoing in DHs head already. Just sit back and refuse to contribute to his sons attorney because he will need one.
My OSS was drunk/stoned thru his last 2 yrs in H/School and beyond. My already-graduated daughter heard thru friends that OSS was the go-to guy for pot and told me. I sat on the info for a week or so and then told DH in carefully chosen words. He spoke to his son who denied up, down and sideways. DH told me "I believe him." Actually he WANTED to believe him so badly that he convinced himself HIS son would make good decisions. Of course 3 yrs later it all fell apart and involved the police and time in drug rehab. And so it will happen in your home as well.
Make sure you protect your finances because DH wanted to throw lots of money at his son to keep him out of jail. Keep your child/ren away from the influences. There is nothing wrong with the 2 of them watching a movie together or playing at home. Just no associating with him or his friends outside the home.
Exactly. I told my DH the
Exactly. I told my DH the same thing: How do you know he is where he says he is? his answer: B/C he knows I will drive past every once and a while. YEAH OK. DH IS NAIVEEEEEEE.
We have a landline too, but he thinks SS11 is "responsible" enough that he can have his own cell phone. HAH. Glad I don't pay that phone bill. I refuse.
I didn't even think of the fall back wimpy kid. HMMMMMMMMMM. I will def. use that one. I don't even understand how my DH could be so open to letting him do whatever he wants. I don't think I have it in me to sit back and wait for everything to hit the fan. I was hoping for a tiny preview of the future so DH's eyes will open and it will smack him back to reality. Nothing bad/bad, but just something that will prove that I was right. It's only a matter of time, I agree w/u. I just hope it happens sooner than later b/c I don't know how much more I could take. I dealt with his psycho BM for many years that I am burnt out. I am trying real hard, but when DH just ignores my idea's it's like, you deal w/your kid and I will deal BD7.
We have separate bank accounts so I am covered on that part
That way has always worked for us, but I guess in the end it's for the best anyway.
Also, my DH says that he is
Also, my DH says that he is responsible and is ok w/him hanging out with the bad kids as long as he's not doing the same things. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Your DH is asking for trouble.
I know. Who says that kinda
I know. Who says that kinda thing? sureeeeeeee you can hang w/the bad kids, just stay out of trouble. It doesn't even make sense.
I keep trying to get it into DH's head that whatever decisions he makes when it comes to SS11 it effects all of us.
He also forgot about the whole guilty by association. How many people do you see get in trouble and go to jail for something that their friends do?
I am tired of even saying anything. I am just afraid that one day I am going to have enough and just pack it up. I don't wanna do that, but I get the thought about it happening. We have 2 totally different ways of thinking when it comes to parenting. We agree on a couple things, but overall that doesn't work. I just realized how diff. we are once SS11 came to live w/us 2 yrs ago.
My mom used to always say
My mom used to always say "Show me your friends, I'll show you your future." He is 11. He should know how to make better choices as far as friends go.
When you have more friends
When you have more friends that are bad than good, it can't possibly end well. I know this, you know this......now my DH, he's stuck on stupid and I can't figure why.
A mini dose of reality would do DH some good. I asked him "why do you let him hang w/those boys knowing how bad they are and what they are doing"? His answer is b/c he's not doing any of the things they are doing. I have grown accustomed to the answer " ok, whatever and that you will learn one day why that answer is wrong". A grown man doesn't get why a kid shouldn't hang w/bad kids.
So when a kid decides to hang w/gangbangers is that ok b/c he's not one? will he get shot any less? NO.