WOW - bad times
It's been a terrible couple of weeks.
The last thing that happened ended up with me nearly leaving the house and DH saying if I do, never come back. Fun!!
There is so much bad feeling just under the surface. Right from the start I feel like our relationship was doomed. He should have warned me. I asked and checked. I should have taken more time before we got married.
I am soooo sick of DH pandering to his ex. I don't care any more. Let her try to take the children off him. Let him see how she is or if he blames me so what? What is there left to lose? What is he blaming me for? Asking to be treated like a wife????? So be it.
He wrote an email to the sports team manager of one of his boys. Copied the ex and a couple of other people and blind copied me. Why does he think his wife doesn't deserve a copy? The more this happens, the more I feel apart from him and SSs. It's true that they aren't my kids. I just clean their uniforms every week and make their food when they get home.
I am to be kept secret - never to be discussed or to exist - unless they need a babysitter or a cleaner. She is to be respected. Her feelings matter. When I stand up for myself, I get told I don't care about his children.
We are so broken.
We went to couselling this morning. We are both struggling badly. He is too. I really love this man. It's like we have been put in a situation that isn't survivable.
I can see he is starting to see how bad this is now. He is finally starting to listen. Our counselling has been like ripping a bandage off and all this puss is everywhere. I don't know the ending but in so many ways, this is better than keeping it all inside. Despite how horrible it has been, at least it is all coming out. I feel less depressed.
I told him to stand up for me. I asked him to acknowledge me even in front of the Madonna Mother. I am not guilty. I haven't done anything wrong and neither has he. Sorry if you are a jealous nasty vindictive person but I am not putting up with this anymore.
So there!!! *pokes out tongue like a really grown up person*
We are going to the sports tomorrow. Proudly. We are going to watch my husband's son play and too bad if that upsets her. We are married to each other and we want to be part of each other's life. Bring on the fireworks. Let her try to kidnap them like she did last time. Im not hiding any more.
I had a similar situation and
I had a similar situation and at first i thought maybe DH was ashamed of us being together. I thought maybe he thought he could just keep me in his back pocket to tend to him when the SK's weren't around, that he could "hide" our life together to avoid any additional conflict. Maybe. Maybe not. But I finally told DH that we should not hide or "fear" any retribution from his ex-wives (both of them) because, just as he has moved on and is happy, they too have moved on, so they have no place to place blame or throw a tantrum. It was a huge step once he internalized this. He still leaves me directly off of the email traffic because he knows my name being involved only makes the email responses worse, but i'm always BCC'd and he always forwards me their responses, so it's really just DH (at least in my case) trying to take control of the situation and handle it the best way he knows how.
I understand what you're going through and it is extremely frustrating, especially if you feel like the maid. But once your DH comes to these realizations, personally and through counseling, things will get better. Keep working hard at them and support him and let him know when he's not supporting you so he can work on that. It will be tough for a while but it will get better. Hang in there!!
i hope things continue to
i hope things continue to improve and you & dh survive. and i'm sure you will. you both want it to work and you're taking the steps to get there.
the more you & dh stand up to the ex and don't let her make the calls, the sooner she will realize her power is gone. in the beginning i hated going to the skids crap, but in my mind, i had to ~ to make my presence known. now, bm is NOTHING to me or dh, and the best part is she knows it. and not to toot my own horn, but i intimidate the shit out of bm. }:)
good luck and stay strong!!
I read an article once by a
I read an article once by a therapist and she said to the DH "Would you rather show your children a happy marriage or a happy divorce?" I printed this article and gave it to my DH in the beginning and he finally got it! It isnt about showing the kids you can get along with their mother because that is a divorce situation, but showing them how much you love and take care of your WIFE teaches them how to have a healthy relationship when they grow up instead of thinking divorce is the easy nice way out.
1stts, that sounds like an
1stts, that sounds like an awesome article.
i am fortunate that dh hates bm and the skids know it. so there's no false hope of "mom & dad" ever getting back together. plus, i'm pretty sure the skids know now that all bm's blaming starfish for dh & bm not getting back totgether in the beginning was a big pile of bullshit being dished by their mother!