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Contact Between Exes..Limits? And Wow..SS is Sure Childish!!!

NewBeginning's picture

How much contact should be between the parents if:

-Kids are over 18.
-1 kid is married with a child.
-Other kid that lives with us has his own car and cell phone
-Kid that lives with us is still in school and 18, yet BM pays no financial support..never asks about grades..and hardly sees her son

SD who is married and has a child still feels DH and BM should be keeping in contact due to they still have a 'child' together. With all the above criteria.

I cannot think of a thing they'd have to contact one another about unless it's about death or sickness..nothing. BM has not seen her son in over 2 weeks and when he calls her, she's always sleeping or busy - not working is hard on a body, you know.

SD is a VERY controlling woman...thinks her MOMMY should be able to call DH at any given time - my thought on that is - SD is GROWN..is married..has a child....SHE can contact her dad for whatever reason may be of emergency. SS is GROWN as well..if he feels the need to call up his mother, he can so do so at any given time. I don't even think this woman knows what his grades are nor the classes he's taking. She's never even asked.

So what in the hell could my DH have to possibly talk to her about? SD is getting very childish in her actions that have to do with her parents having contact so suddenly. Like I said, other than sickness or death..what else could there be? An absentee parent is by choice..and BM has made her choice in being unfit. DH has had his son now for almost 4 years due to her being declared unfit.

Anytime SS is with her, he comes home with such a childish attitude.."You need to cook for me...." he'll whine. My answer is usually a resounding NO due to him being a grown 18 year old man. His reply? "My mom cooks for me..anytime." She also doesn't make him clean anything..he makes HUGE messes here and just leaves them. My DH has almost busted a blood vessel after he's found SS's messes..but then of course...I've watched DH clean up after him as well.

I'm not working all day to come home and work all night, catering to an 18 year old man. His mother doesn't work so she can come pick him up and cook for him if he wants someone cooking for him. Plus chase after him with a mop and broom as well. I REFUSE to do it. He's not a child.

Okay..got off the beaten path...sorry..thoughts?

iwishyouwould's picture

Erm... The day kiddo (5) turns 18, that very day, minute, hour... all contact will cease, disist and be over. DH and I fondly look forward to the day that we can change our email addresses, phone numbers, and move to a log cabin in a far away undisclosed location. And proceed to act like BM has fallen off the face of the planet and we have never heard of her. Ever heard that song - Dont call me no more dont text me no more cause im thru withcha ?? Yep.

NewBeginning's picture

LOL..love it!

So you can see how I'm seeing it. It would be very different if BM actually cared and knew what was going on in SS's life. If she paid child support for the past 4 years..if she cared enough to drive here and see him...her intentions are to talk about DH and myself to SS and SD about how she's so great of a mother and DH and I are wrong in everything. Her time with her son is usually spent drinking and hanging out in her home..she has no money to do anything with and actually makes her son pay her gas money if she ever DOES come pick him up.

Now again...what would the 2 of them have to discuss? I'm not saying I'm putting my foot down and he is not going to talk to her due to ME saying it..I'm just trying to rationalize SD's motives in all this. And I CLEARLY think she is looking out for her 'oh-woe-est' me mother and by saying this, she's allowing her mother to remain in our lives.

It's a sick, sick relationship....mother and daughter. SD feels it's okay to bring her mother up at any given time and my DH is actually quite sick of it. He is starting to ask her to stop..which he's never done before. Just like with anything else..too much of something is bullshit.

And them HAVING to have contact...THAT is bullshit. Wink

iwishyouwould's picture

LOL I second that motion. After kiddo is 18, I seriously doubt if even death or illness could bring DH to speak to BM - he would say that she'll figure it out or she wont and its not his problem.

GoodbyeNormaJean's picture

How much? How much contact? Freaking none. Less than none. That's how much.

Why can't these grown ass kids handle their own crap? What do DH and XW need to talk about?

If something happened to one of those kids, and by something, I mean they were in an accident of some sort and couldn't contact BM theirself, I think a phone call from you or DH is in order. Barring a 5 alarm freaking emergency, just none, that's how much contact.

I'm sorry if I seem a little pilly today, but I have had the official worst babymomma day ever! What's going on with these whores? Is it a freaking full freaking moon? Freak!!!