Neglected
This is my first time sharing this with total strangers, but I need to vent to people who are possibly going through the same situation or who can help me understand. So my husband and I just got married a month ago. He has two kids from two different mothers (double trouble right?) Anyway, his son is 10 and his daughter is 9. His son visits on the weekends, but his daughter lives with us most of the time. His son and I have generally always got along; however, his daughter has been a little harder to deal with.
Anyway, I can't help but feel neglected by her. I am there for her more than her mother. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, homework, shopping, soccer, dentist, sickness...you name it, i do it. But, I feel that everything between us fake. Well, not me being fake, but her. The way I feel.... to her..I'm just dad's wife who lives with them.
She's been feverish since Sunday. She missed school Monday, but we sent her back on Tuesday. Her dad left out of town on Thursday for a work trip till next week so she has been home with me. (of course her mother was MIA.) Anyway, I had to pick her up from school the other day cause she was getting feverish again. I took her to the clinic where we had to stay for 3 hours. Called her mom and advised her that her daughter was sick and her dad was out of town. Told her that I had to work later on that night and probably had to drop of daughter at grandmas house. Her mom said, "well, I have to go on a trip tomorrow morning (pleasure), so theres really no point of me picking her up right?" Whatever!!! When we came back home, she threw up all over the house. I didn't want to send her to grandma's like this so I told her I would not go to work and stay with her.
As she was lying on the couch, I offered to rub her stomach and head. While doing this, she was moaning and crying. I felt so bad for the poor thing. But, then she started crying out, "dadddddddddddd" and mommmmmmmmmmmm."
Now, how can I say this without being a total bitch, but come on are you serious? Here I am the person who took care of you the whole day, took you to the clinic, cleaned up your puke, offered to not go into work, and now rubbing your stomach and all you can do is cry for your mom and dad? I thought to myself "well, she is sick and she is just a kid." But then also thought, "come on, your not 5, your 9 years old." She knew that mom and dad weren't there and it was only me and her in the house. So, I gave her what she wanted, partly because I felt that her mother should step up and be a mom anyway. I called her mom and let her talk to her crying daughter. Her mom finally called back and said, yeah, I can't go out of town and leave her hanging like this. I"ll come pick her up.
So, it took you 4-5 hours to think about your sick daughter and pick her up out of a guilty conscience. (NICE!)
Please, I need any kind of advise of feedback from people who are going through the same thing.
Neglected, I totally feel
Neglected, I totally feel your pain and you are not alone. Try to keep in mind that it is just one of those totally ingrained things that we do when we are sick, we just automatically go there with the Mommm and Daddd thing. So sorry it hurt you and it really isn't fair.
The one thing you can hold onto is that if you keep doing what you are doing for both skids, she will know, hell they both will know. BM is just ridiculous and they WILL figure it out one day and it will make every bit of it worthwhile when that day comes. Unfortunately BM's get the advantage of that blind love thing regardless of how they treat them, so with that said...hang in there! Keep doing exactly what you are doing and ummmm, will you be my SM 'cuz I think you're freakin' awesome!
I know exactly how you feel,
I know exactly how you feel, although it is totally normal for kids to be that way. The situation is very much different for me as we only have SK every other weekend but EVERY time, "we" get the "I want my Mommy" routine. I try to do everything I can to make them feel comfortable and happy at our house, but it's not 'Mommy's' house and sometimes I take it personally and really get my feelings hurt...
On the other hand - I was raised by my aunt from the time I was 4. Mom and Dad were never 'parents' to my sister and I in the truest sense. It never failed though, no matter at what age, when I got really upset about anything..I really just wanted my Mommy and Daddy to love me enough to want me as much as I wanted them and I would cry for them.... Now, at 32 I can also tell you that when I was with Mommy and Daddy during the summer or whatever and I was sick or upset...all I wanted was my Aunt because it was then that I could realize that they didn't take care of me like she did!
Coulda' is right...the day will come when they will be able to acknowledge all you have done for them...it just takes a while, hang in there.
Naturalmom425 - diarrhea - I
Naturalmom425 - diarrhea - I am a geriatric nurse and have written it millions of times - lol
Been there so many times, it
Been there so many times, it doesn't matter how much you do or show your love to SK the peice of crap BM will always be her savior. Hopefully she relizes how much you care and how much her BM WASNT there when she gets older. But until then we get BS and keep on smiling
boo! Hey at least you eventually got the BM to eventually take care of her daughter through guilt that would not happen with our SD BM. It seems like for a whole week she forgets shes a mom until Sd comes back with her.
Great advice Sue.
Great advice Sue.
My first inclination was that
My first inclination was that maybe it was a cry of "longing".
Her mom obviously isn't winning any mother of the year awards... Daughter probably misses her and wishes she were more like you.
(Quote by Rebel78:) "I really just wanted my Mommy and Daddy to love me enough to want me as much as I wanted them and I would cry for them.... Now, at 32 I can also tell you that when I was with Mommy and Daddy during the summer or whatever and I was sick or upset...all I wanted was my Aunt"
^ Bingo!
And FWIW, as others said, you did the loving supportive thing and stayed with the poor kid when she needed you most.
Thank you everyone for
Thank you everyone for responding. You guys totally made me feel better knowing that I'm not the only one who feel this way. I know she is just a kid, and may not know better. But sometimes I think that she should know better.
When I start feeling neglected by her, I alway tell my husband I will stop doing things with / for her and she will see how lucky she is to have me. Of course I say all that out of anger. I do pry that one day she will appreciate everything that I do and figure out that her mom is not the saint she thinks she is.
I think it's also wanting
I think it's also wanting whichever parent isn't there. When my own daughter broke her arm at 5 years old, there I was in the ER with her, my ex-in-laws and the ER people (her dad is military and lived 12 hours drive away at that time). Anyhow...we are trying to get things taken care of and she is crying for her daddy. Her daddy never took care of her a day in her life, but she sure enough was crying for him! I never did understand that, but I know she wasn't being mean to me.
And you know what...even to this day...when I get sick...I want my mommy, too and I'm almost 40 years old!!!