My DH's parents divorced before he was one...his mother remarried quickly after and took all 3kids out of state. For over 30yrs my DH hated his bio-dad. All he ever heard from his mother was "your dad was an ahole and never bothered to look for you...he never cared about you...". One day I was looking through his personal papers (he knew) as we were going on a cruise and needed his birth certificate. I found a school paper from when he was about 8-9 with his bio-dad's signature as "legal guardian...". I asked DH about it and he had never really seen the paper (PS his mother sent him all these papers after we got together along w/the 20 or so pics of him she had so I could make him a scrapbook for his bday at my request). Anyway, I told him "wait! Either your dad DID come looking for you OR your mom/sdad falsified his signature because your dad was your legal guardian and they took you out of state! Heck, look at the PAS your ex-wife has done...maybe there is more to this story?". For another 6mos I told him to find his dad and he would say "No! I don't need him! If I see him I'll kick his...". I told him I didn't care what he said or did to him, but I wanted him to get it off his chest...otherwise he would continue the guilty parenting w/his daughter and allowing the poor helpless BM to run his life...if he didn't agree, I was out! Well, he finally called his dad and went to meet him...his reaction? He cried! He spent the weekend w/his dad and realized his dad was NOT what his mother made him out to be! That was 9yrs ago...

Today? He did call his mother for mother's day but no card or gift or even a visit. Fathers day on the other hand I heard him crying while telling our neighbor about his dad...how his mother lied for so long...how he misses his dad and would do anything to turn the clock back...How he is just like his dad and his side of the family where he grew up w/mom and her side of the family and yet always felt he didn't belong. He did call his stepfather early in the morning and planned to visit him but they had gone out. He does not resent his stepdad and is grateful he treated him as his child and took care of him...as far as his mother? He "loves" her as his mother but has no tolerance for her bs or manipulative being a victim ways...

I wanted to share so that some of you had hope...he now has let go of his crazy daughter and realizes that one day either she will realize the lies her mother told her or be as crazy and greedy as her and not come to look for him. He has a clean conscious now and is at peace w/either decision she takes.