when stepdaughters attack
My sister in law called me last night frantic. my neice, her stepdaughter, attacked her. according to her, it went down like this:
sister in law had just cleaned her sd's bedroom in preparation for a move. sd decides to get angry at something and throw things around her room, thus making a mess my sister in law just cleaned. sister in law said she went in the room and told my neice, "u want to make a mess when i just cleaned?" and proceeded to throw things (books and such) off the bookshelf. she said my neice took an empty shoe box and hit my sister in law in the face, sister in law smacked her on the butt, neice called her a bitch to her face, and sister in law smacked her on the cheeck (claims it wasnt hard--who knows). thats when it went bad she said.
according to her, my neice began to kick her in her lower stomach, full force, with all her weight (110pound 12yr old). sister in law said she tried pushing my neice out of her way, then my brother (fatehr of the year :sick: ) comes in and calls my sister in law crazy and out of control, and all he said ot my neice was she shouldnt call adults bitches or kick and scream. um...wth? so sister in law leaves and calls me.
are there any cases out there where a stepchild (not an adult one) but an actual child abuses the stepparent? while i think sister in law shouldnt have laid a hand on my neice (not to defend my neice and her actions), but i think she should have MADE my brother handle it instead of smacking a 12yr old. of course, i am not sure how i would handle that situation.
has anyone else been through a smiliar situation, where the stepchild physically attacks the stepparent and bio does nothing and even gets mad if the stepparent threatens to baker act child?
any advice is appreciated!
no, thank god!! do they have
no, thank god!!
do they have skid 24/7?
yes they do. they live in
yes they do. they live in another state so i cant exactly take sd for them to give my sister in law a break. they have been having problems with my neice the last 6yrs.
I can tell you this...If any
I can tell you this...If any of the kids, step or bio, ever laid a hand on me, my husband would end up in jail.
I'm not being overly dramatic. He is that protective of me. I guess maybe that's why it's never been an issue.
Just a few days ago, my stepson used a sarcastic tone with me. My husband said..."If you ever talk to my wife like that again, you'll pick your teeth up from across the room".
^ This, for me, as well.
^ This, for me, as well.
Me, too. DH would never let
Me, too. DH would never let SD get away with that behavior. Yes, I would get griped at for slapping SD in the face, but it would be nothing compared to what would happen to SD for her behavior. That's an awful situation to be in and I hope they can get some help and work things out.
your sil, needs tp have a
your sil, needs tp have a heart to heart w/dh ~~ this situation will only get worse if not handled now...
I agree with starfish. This
I agree with starfish. This needs to be addressed and the sd needs to be told and made to understand that her behavior is unacceptable and WILL NOT be tolerated ever again. Do something about it now to hopefully stop it from happening again in the future.
my brother is not supportive
my brother is not supportive at all. he never follows through.
last week, my neice was told by my sister in law to do the dishes. my neice slammed her door so hard a framed picture fell from the wall and broke. my neice was smacked on the butt for that and she threw a plate at my sister in law. my brother told my neice he would have her baker acted if she laid another hand on his wife.
then this happens and he blames my sister in law!
so my neice knows that her daddy doesnt mean what he says to her.
what a terrible situation ~~
what a terrible situation ~~ do you have any influence on your brother or would that be considered putting your nose where it doesn't belong?
Your SIL needs to keep her
Your SIL needs to keep her hands to herself. Sorry.
She also needs to tell your brother that she is sick and tired of being a 2nd rate citizen in his world. From now on she is taking care of herself and he can cook and clean after himself and his daughter. He wants her 'hands off' then that is exactly what he gets. No driving SD around, no laundry, no cooking. Nothing. HE doesn't want her laying a finger on his kid, sure. Which means she doesn't have to do a thing for the girl.
I think in a matter of days he will realise how much his wife actually does in their life.
Or another approach would be to move out. Let him have is daughter all to himself.
It seems like SM has been given the job of raising the child without any guidelines. SO she sets the guuidelines. He is completely on his own with this little helion.
PS: I wouldn't have slapped her. I would have called the cops and made a REAL fuss out of it. How she fears for her life because this child is so out of control and seems to have 'emotional' problems far in excess of what she can deal with.
But she really needs to keep her hands to herself. ZI know, in a perfect world she got all she deserved. however in this PC age she would be accused of child abuse and the SD kicking her would be self defence.
i have tried talking to my
i have tried talking to my brother on many occassions...at one point he told me to stop calling him! so i have been talking to sister in law when she calls me when my brother isnt around.
sister in law just called me
sister in law just called me again, her stomach is hurting her pretty good, said its pretty much the top of the pelvic bone. she says that she feels the need to pee, alot of pressure, but has only been able to pee twice today. she says she cant put any pressure on it, its hurts too bad. i told her to go to the dr, but she's not sure what she will tell them about what happened....i dont know either! rough sex maybe? she fell? cant they tell if an injury is an accident or not, especially one so close to the private areas?
She tells the Dr her SD
She tells the Dr her SD kicked her in the stomach.
If you don't tell the truth the Dr may misdiagnose and something horrendous may be wrong.
If nothing else it will bring it to your brother's attention that his daughter inflicted physical harm on his wife. And she should move out today. If a 12 yr old can kick hard enough to do damage I wouldn't live in the house another night.
Your brother needs to have a 'Come to Jesus" meerting wiht authorities. PErsonally I would be out of the house today and telling him he has 2 months to get his daughter in line or she is all his.
I am not an advocate for divorce. My first marriage ended when my ex walked out. But if I ever felt under threat of physical violence from my stepkids, I would leave in an instant.
Yesterday in our city a 33 yr old SM was stabbed to death by her 21 yr old s/son. He also stabbed his 60 yr old father.
i think i might have
i think i might have convinced her, but being she lives in another state, i cant go with her to speak up even if she doesnt. i havent spoken to my brother at all today, i doubt he will talk to me. i will let you all know what the outcome is when i find out later.
thank you all for the advice!
Sounds to me like they're
Sounds to me like they're both wrong. Your SIL certainly should be keeping her hands to herself. She's continually hitting this child, yet she's upset when the child hits back? And hitting in the face is abuse.
angel37, sister in law
angel37, sister in law smacked my neice on the butt once, and on the face, once. and she didnt do it hard enough to hurt my neice, but it must of pissed her off. please re-read the post.
I read it clearly enough.
I read it clearly enough. She was out of line in hitting the child and the child was, in return, out of line. She can't go crying abuse from a kid when she was hitting said kid in the face. It's NOT ok.
this is terribly
this is terribly saddening.... i sure the hell hope i do not run into violence from skids, i know my dh would not allow it to happen twice..... but if he wasn't around the first time and wasn't there to prevent me from strangling the little brat(s) or beating the daylights out of them?
Thank you! I completely
Thank you! I completely agree.
most of us on here are above
most of us on here are above the age of 21. i remember growing up, if i talked to adults the way these kids today talked, i either got popped in the mouth or a bar of soap across my tounge. when you do everything else to discipline and nothing works, what else do you do? in a freak situation like this, my sister in law reacted almost like parents did way back then. had i began to kick an adult after that, i think i would be carted off.
I agree with Butterfly. I
I agree with Butterfly. I know that if my SD OR DD or DS had done that same thing would have happened. If the recpricated in the way teh 12 yr did I would not stick around at all. I would have been moved out in min. No adult should live in fear at their own home. Sorry but kids have no respect for adults these days and it is so dang annoying. Smack on the butt for being disrespectful smack in the mouth for nasty name calling. Totally agree with what Butterfly's SIL did!
I would never lay a hand on
I would never lay a hand on my skid. Discipline, reprimand, yes, but never lay a hand on them. Where is bm? If it were my kid and their sm laid a hand on MY kid-full custody or not, I would be filing charges against that woman. She is the adult. And when I read the post it seemed the adult was the one who blew things up & let it get out of hand. Sure sd was making a mess but then the ADULT started throwing things around?! The kid reacted (not in a good way, but reacted the same as the adult) and then the adult hits first? The kid could say she was protecting herself. She should go to the doc and tell the truth. If not the doc might think her husband (your brother) dis the damage. Of course, if she tells the truth the doc might wonder why a grown woman was fighting with a kid. Now if it happens again and the kid isn't provoked then this kid needs help. For now, go to the doc, take pictures and document everything. That way if it does happen again (and sm is CALM and UNPROVOKING) then you'll have more evidence to back up a parental abuse story.
Do I agree with SM slapping
Do I agree with SM slapping SD in the face? No, definitely not. I do think, from what I read in the OP that the SD is the one who initiated the throwing of items. If she was throwing things before the SM came in that would make her the initiator. Now, I don't think SM should have joined in the throwing of things, but was she throwing them AT SD? Or was she simply joining in the ransacking of the room out of frustration? In any case, none of what happened was justified on either side, IMO. The main person at fault, from what I can tell is DH. He should have given consequences to his kid for what happened. She should know that her behavior is unacceptable and should NEVER happen again, EVER. Yes, the SM should be talked to, in private, by DH, about her actions and what he expects the reaction to be should that type of situation arise again, but he should also defend her and protect her. The injuries need to be addressed, the truth needs to be told, and the situation needs to be taken care of. Definitely, if the SM is feeling unsafe, she should leave for the time being until the situation can be resolved.
she went to the dr, and she
she went to the dr, and she has a hairline fracture on her pubic bone.
I wouldn't have smacked her,
I wouldn't have smacked her, I have never smacked ss and never would and he is 8 so at the age where a lot of people would consider it still of use.
I'm not saying she is wrong, I can completely understand why she did, I was smacked both on the bum and in the face over the age of 12 and I don't see it as abuse, however I wasn't behaving in the same way your SD is, I got smacked for stepping slightly out of line, not kicking my mother or throwing my room around.
My SS has had a similar reaction at home (throwing things/ kicking out) and BM smacks and it only makes the kid angrier. I think that type of temprement with children you need to be calm and collected, I have always and SO has always maintained this attitude with SS, when he steps out of line he gets calmly told he is wrong and is made to either go calm down in another room, has something removed from him or so on so forth.
BECAUSE of this never have we had a situation in our house where he has thrown things, or injured someone, he has never even got majorly angry... like he does at home BECAUSE we remain calm
Violence encourages violence, especially at your SD's age. I am not criticising your SIL I can completely understand her frustrations and why she has slapped sd, however it is clearly not helping the situation considering you have said it has been going on for 6 years.
SD injuring your SIL is ample oppurtunity for her to use this to make some changes, sitting SD down and explaining she has broken bones and that things need to change as a result would probably have some major effect, is there anyway your SIL could introduce a calm room, where should SD start loosing her temper in such a way she could in a calm and collected manner remove her from the situation and into the calm area to calm down and then inforce some kind of discipline system once sd was calm (removal of privilidges etc)