i have come to understand that no matter what the situation with the biological parents the kids ALWAYS want mom and dad together no matter how corrupt/abusive/unstable or absent a parent is they are ALWAYS prefered over a step parent. You getting engaged is essentially distroying any possibility of their reunion fantasey becoming a reality. they may cry, be angry, indifferent but it is unlikely that they will be happy. Accept it and move on with you life with your new bride.

Sorry Pat. I was well received as the Dad's girlfriend for 5 years and then hated once I become SM - and I was/am the same person... Just b.c. I killed notion Mommy & Daddy would get back together. I am permanently resented b.c. of that fact and I never would have predicted it b.c. I am so nice to them all.

Pat.

Contratulations on your engagement.

If is unfortunate that your Skids are self absorbed, rude and without class or redeeming character.

You and your bride should write them off until they become young adults of character. I would tell them why you are writing them off. Unfortuneately the 13yo you can't do this with but the 17 and 21 yo should immediately learn what it is like to face the world without mom's backing and support.

Enjoy your lives together.

IMHO of course.

I'm sorry about their reaction. My only advise would be to give them some time. How long was she a single mommy? The kids have probably gotten used to it being just them. If the divorce was more recent, then they are likely reacting to yet another upheaval in their lives.

All you can do is continue to do the right thing. Love their mother. And love them. If you can do that, they will come around. ((hugs)) Teenagers just suck sometimes, don't they?

Don't let their initial responses throw you, though.
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How on earth could that not throw someone?

What ungrateful little shits. The first thing I would do is to have mom lay down the law. She created these kids (I assume she raised them) so she needs to knock some brains and compasion into them. And I would take all but the 13 year old off the life insurance.

My mom would jump over a table and try to smak some smarts into me if I was ever stupid enough to ask something like that!

Fasten your seltbeat Pat, its going to be a rough ride. And you will not have luxury of EOW or summertime skidfree b.c. there's no BF waiting w/open arms. I always thought it would be better with a widow w/kids but not now. You are you still want more of the same?

My stepkids, also adults, were not happy about my marriage to their Dad. They weren't overtly rude to me, and I wasn't present when their dad told them we were getting married. The daughter was just SURE he was marrying me so he wouldn't be alone and she begged him not to marry me because he couldn't possibly love me. He told her that in fact he did love me, very much, and he wasn't asking her permission.

We didn't get questions about inheritance from HIS kids (my DH and his x were drowning in debt and the kids knew it), but from my own BD. She wasn't being rude, just curious and protective of her own turf.

So we dealt with all their questions and concerns and eventually all kids came around. None were ever rude, but all would have preferred that they continue to have the undivided attention of their own parent.

Anyway, we had a prenup before we married and then a will after, and told each kid about the basics of what we had agreed to (they were not part of the decisions we made). They seemed to be satisfied that they were not being forgotten or cut out of the parent's life.

We've had some drama, but all three kids have accepted our marriage and all are polite, respectful, and sometimes even FUN to be around. There is hope for you.

Ok, the 13 year I can expect some far off reaction; but the 17 and 21 year old they should be ashamed! If they care so little about Mom's happiness then perhaps limited information on yours and Mom's part is needed. What a horrid bunch for your future wife to have in her life. Ungrateful little twits! Can't say I am sorry for thinking they are selfish at their ages and being so cold and uncaring.