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is it ok to send snail mail to kids ?

pat's picture

Submitted by pat on Tue, 06/29/2010 - 3:02pm

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General Discussion

Do you think it is ok to send letters to your kids saying how you feel, or how they are doing ? With vacations and camp coming up, do you think it will be ok to write kids a letter? Or , do you think psycho bio mom would turn it into a nightmare? I am so torn on this. Any advise ?? I am afraid psycho bio mom might just read it and trow it out, or bash the letter to my kids. Kids are 8 and 10. Any thoughts ?

riekate's picture

Submitted by riekate on Tue, 06/29/2010 - 3:14pm

I think it is nice. My SS4 and SS5 only see their dad on EOWE and he frequently sends them mail to our house, they don't really like to talk on phone or Skype but get so excited about mail. Maybe if she is psycho you should send postcards at first so she would see they are not a threat and just you saying "hi I am thinking about you".

stepmasochist's picture

Submitted by stepmasochist on Tue, 06/29/2010 - 3:19pm

My mom used to send me letters all the time when I was with my dad. I always liked hearing from her.

I don't know. All you can do is try it. I like the postcard idea riekate suggested. Or maybe just a "thinking of you" card with a cute puppy or kitten or something on it.

Maybe nothing with too much information for BM to bash would be a good idea.

If she throws it away, when you see the kids next and you ask, did you guys get the cards I sent? She'll come off looking like a jerk.

stormabruin's picture

Submitted by stormabruin on Tue, 06/29/2010 - 3:27pm

After DH had been beat down so bad in court & skids wanted nothing to do with him, I tried to get him to write each of them a letter. He was feeling hurt & cheated. I explained that that was why I spend so much time writing. I don't always send what I write, but it truly is therapeutic to clear the mind. He was concerned about writing things that would, no doubt, be shared with BM, which led to concern about how his thoughts & feelings would then be construed. He said the last time BM left him & skids he wrote a letter expressing everything he felt, & told her he wanted her to come home. She showed it to everyone they knew & told him he was pathetic.

Not having a mind like that, I hadn't considered those things. Perhaps a short note to let them know you love them & are thinking about them would be nice, but I wouldn't take it into any more than that.

TheWife's picture

Submitted by TheWife on Tue, 06/29/2010 - 3:57pm

I say send it. Why not? But keep it light and just tell them you are thinking about them, love them, and want them to have fun. Send the letters to camp so BM can't touch them.

MissTAKEN's picture

Submitted by MissTAKEN on Tue, 06/29/2010 - 5:13pm

Send it Pat. There is nothing wrong with you trying to communicate with your kids by any means possible. Send it, tell them you love them, and miss them. DON'T talk poorly of their mother. And know that she will likely intervene and throw it out, but at least you made the effort. Letters. No one sends letters anymore. I think that is endearing!

starfish's picture

Submitted by starfish on Tue, 06/29/2010 - 5:20pm

snail mail is nice, but do not be surprised if bm throws them out first ~~ if she is as psycho as you say... plus do not say anything she may not approve of.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Tue, 06/29/2010 - 5:23pm

Write the letters. Photocopy the leter and the address stamped envelope if you are afraid that BM won't give them to the kids. If non of your letters get to the kids call the USPS infestigator to nail BM for tampering with the US Mail. Give the kids the copy of the letter and envelope when they get home.

Just my thoughts of course.

Best regards.