How about the "we're in two different phases of life" thing?

I don't think that there really is a way to let someone down easy. I'd just be honest with them. Just tell him that it's so much bigger than what you can handle and that you care too much about yourself, him and the kids to be unfair by staying.

"I have always loved the time before dawn because there is no one around to remind me who I am suppose to be, so it is easier to remember who I am." - unknown

I would just say, you are great, but I am not ready to be a parent at this time, and I don't thinks its fair to any of us for this to continue.

I remember doing that once, I liked the guy but I didn't even meet the kids I was so against it! lol. I am sorry honey and hope it goes well for you.
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“Learn by practice.” - Martha Graham

Be honest. Be nice. AND BE SELFISH. You are allowed to be selfish in certain situations. This is one of those situations. Not doing what is best for you now will make things bad for everyone involved down the line. You will fill with resentment over time. I wouldn't bring up his lack of parenting because that will either cause a fight or make him say something that isn't true (he'll change). If you want out, keep it brief. Long discussions often give the other person the hope that you can be talked out of it.

"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"

how long have you been with him? i assume you live with him. maybe instead of leaving him, you could get your own place and still date him. i would express my concern about the bm and the parenting style.

Smart move, "luvs-salt-water" (me too btw) on addressing this major issue and dealing with it before it was/ is too late.

You are not selfish-just HONEST.

Good luck,
MWC

I think you should tell him exactly what you told us. You are not ready for this, and you think that the differences in the way you two may deal with things/certain situations is too different to work. Etc Etc Etc

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Rome wasn't built in a day, and my marriage won't be either.

((((HUGS!!!!)))) You're very brave and I wish you the best

"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".

I feel for you Salt, some time apart might make him become his own man and stronger for it. I am pleased you chose to leave, rather than to manipulate him and the situation. Who can say? He might grow a pair? It's tricky with kids involved and he will be feeling some guilt about the effects on them and maybe over compensating them. I had similar issues here, I recognised that they are not my bio kids and I would not accept their bad behaviors. It caused huge fights!! We have a lot of love in our house, we weather the storms and shockwaves that kids can leave in their wake. We deal with issues as and when they arise here. I did contemplate a lot of stuff and then we agreed that it will be him and I once the kids are gone and it's our marraige. I put my own boundaries up with regard to the step kids and my husband respects them too. Our girl is hell on wheels and she will not be back living with us any time soon because my husband recognized that she is a very destructive element. Juvenile issues and emerging borderline personality disorder, unmanageable!! We gave it our best shot and we were manipulated beyond the beyond!! Like mother like daughter!! I know how much it hurts to accept that a child can be so bad, yet appear so good at the same time. We have not given up on her though, she still visits when she wants something. Currently it's emancipation she wants, at age 16? So that she can go and live with her female lover age 19!! My husband and I have legal custody of her and we are not going to emancipate her, he told her just yesterday that she will be of age soon enough. Thank your lucky stars salt, and if you and he grow back together again then give thanks yet again!! I wish you well, I 'left' a couple of times but we knew we were not 'done' as they say, and we made it work for all of us. It's frustrating but you know what? Kids survive and grow regardless of parents sometimes.

Good for you! I am also a woman who was single with no children. It has been hell as a step parent. I married him despite the little voice saying don't do it!!! I wish I had been brave like you, instead of an idiot who just kept convincing myself things would change, they haven't and I am now pregnant. Mom isn't even around. She's a drug addict and drunk, dad won't discipline SD 9 and she's a terror. I am so depressed when i should be happy about my child who's due in 4 months. Good for you... you've avoided disaster!

Good for you! I am also a woman who was single with no children. It has been hell as a step parent. I married him despite the little voice saying don't do it!!! I wish I had been brave like you, instead of an idiot who just kept convincing myself things would change, they haven't and I am now pregnant. Mom isn't even around. She's a drug addict and drunk, dad won't discipline SD 9 and she's a terror. I am so depressed when i should be happy about my child who's due in 4 months. Good for you... you've avoided disaster!

you dodged a bullet..good for you for having courage.

There seems to be a common theme here.

I also wish I'd had the foresight to see that I was making a mistake. I love my husband but had I known then what I know now I would never have done it.

I think you did the right thing for you, good on you.