So I met with BM last night...

It went really well... at first she wanted to go to court about CS. FH has been pretty much out of work for 2 years...(self employed in a HORRIBLE economy) I have been paying her up until 3 months ago. I stopped. She gets Unemployment, food stamps medical and WIC... WAY more than FH makes. He is not eligible for unemployment... and we have been supporting her to sit at home and do nothing while on her 3rd extention with unemployment. I started talking to her about everything FH has prepared to do IF it ends up in court, she would have to pay HIM... and all of the documention he has to support getting full LEGAL custody, as well as going for more time. I talked to her about her drug use, and keeping SS out of harmful situations. She was very receptive, and we actually had a very productive conversation. She is scared to go to court, she knows that she has a slim chance of winning, or even of maintaining the 50% she has now. She tried to get an attorney pro bono, and couldn't because her case isn't strong enough... she wanted to take us to court for legal custody, but after she "thought about it" she decided that she probably wouldn't win because of her track record with SS's schools. She is a little smarter than I gave her credit for. She usually has no problem dragging anyone and everyone to court and convinces herself that there is NO WAY she can lose... and she always does, lose that is..SO by the end of our meeting we agreed to do away with child support completely. No one pays anything. And we talked about going to family counseling... still on the fence about that. I mean we really got to the root of a lot of issues that have been left unresolved for 5 years. I am extremely happy I met with her. We both left that meeting smiling and having lighthearted conversation. It was healthy, it was long over due... it was good. FH still wants to take her to court for custody. I asked him to give her a chance to prove herself (again). When she has the fear of God in her, she is a much better mom. We will see how long it lasts... hopefully it sticks this time.