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Need help with a disrespectful 5 year old step daughter

MSimpson1078's picture

Submitted by MSimpson1078 on Tue, 07/14/2009 - 11:03am

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Parenting Issues

My fiance has a 5 year old from a previous marriage. He and his ex-wife split up when his daughter was about 2 so she doesn't remember mommy and daddy being together. My fiance gets her every other weekend and one month during the summer. That is just the background information to lead into where things started to get messed up. I met my fiance 2 years ago. When we started dating his parents were driving his daughter from Houston, Texas to Big Spring, Texas every other weekend. I never understood why it was their responsibility to take their grand child across Texas every other weekend. I always thought that my fiance should take that responsibility and drive himself or have his daughter fly to him. His father has a horrible back problem and is on oxygen so he definitely didn't need to drive hours upon hours. When I moved in with my fiance almost a year ago, into his RV (I know I'm stupid), I spoke with him about changing the weekend arrangement from his parents coming out here to him/us going to them. My argument was that the one bedroom RV was definitely not enough room for 4 adults and one child. So since them we have been driving to College Station, where his parents live, to have his weekend with his daughter. Beyond that situation, my step daughter has absolutely no discipline. Everyone babies her and gives her whatever she wants. I really don't understand it. She has slapped me across the face and punched me in the arm. She has stuck her tongue out at me and called me names. She has thrown stuff at me and ran away from me while I have tried to dress her. I was the one that taught her how to brush her teeth, wipe herself, tie her shoes, and many other things. My fiance thinks that it is normal behavior for a 5 year old. We now have her for the entire month of July and I am about to freak out. My fiance and I constantly fight because of this situation. I am trying so hard to be the authority figure since she does not have that. But nothing seems to work. She still wets the bed every night....she's 5!!! I don't understand. HELP!!!

shellbell's picture

Submitted by shellbell on Tue, 07/14/2009 - 1:52pm

All I can say is that until someone puts their foot down and lets her know there are consequenses for acting like that its only going to get worse, but its not going to work if you and bf arent a team. As for the bedwetting my daughter is 7 and she still wets the bed some kids are like that I get her up in the middle of the night and she stays dry or you could do the pull-up thing. Kudos to you for teaching her all the things that you have my bf's daughter is 8 and throws a fit if she has to tye her shoes bcuz bm does it for her not me she's old enough to do it herself, I can just picture her being 30 and wearing velcro shoes. *Life is full of hard things its not always fair but we do have a choice to make things better instead of worse*

krsjaid's picture

Submitted by krsjaid on Tue, 07/14/2009 - 2:10pm

But on the other end of the spectrum...My son is 7 and when my husband and I got together he treated him with more respect than he does now. (he was 4 then) He now will not listen to my husband or respect him at all. And then my husband gives up and makes me do the rest of the punishing because my son will just NOT listen to him. By no means do I not punish! In fact its what I feel like Im doing most of the time. My son is going to go get tested for ADD because he impulsivly hits people at school too. He may have a liitle oppositional defiant disorder as well. I am VERY strict with him but it does not seem to work anyway. Your SD might just have things that need to be worked out in her head. I would just keep on top of it and if it continues or get worse, get her some help. But continue to be the authority figure, she may thank you later on in life for it. My son is 7 and ALSO STILL pees the bed, it is so frustrating. I know this is extremely exhausting on my DH and I feel bad for him at times, and I am constantly trying to protect him from my son so he doesnt leave me, but he is getting help soon. Good luck!

MSimpson1078's picture

Submitted by MSimpson1078 on Thu, 07/16/2009 - 8:42am

Thank ya'll so much for your advice and support. I really need it more than ever. Some times I don't know if I am going to make it or not. It is so hard. My fiance has told me that I don't understand because I do not have children. Even though I don't have kids I know that they need discipline. I know that I'm doing the right thing because things will only get worse if my sd didn't have discipline from me. Considering I'm the only one that will step up. Some times I feel that she loves me and craves the structure and other times I feel that she is going to hate me for the rest of my life. Either way I know that I need to be the authority figure. Someone needs to be. I feel like it is me against the world. I really need some support... Thanks again. I hope things get better!