This woman should hardly be calling your husband at all! I don't know how old your SS is and it sounds like you guys have been married for awhile now. I think your husband needs to set up some boundaries and stick to them. I would have him call BM in front of you and just tell her look unless there is an issue regarding SS's health or an emergency, drop/off pickup questions/discussions then you do not need to call me. If you have issues regarding SS's school or perhaps questions about insurance you can email me. Otherwise DON'T CALL. If you leave me a VM and it is not regarding the issues I just outlined I will not call you back. She isn't going to like it but you know what - too bad! He has a life with you - you are his wife and she needs to butt out and get a life of her own.

I have the same exact situation with my spouses ex....she will call and say SD wants to wear a turquois shirt when she comes can you lay it out for her, or will call and ask do you know where this school is(freaking google or map quest it!)...she is always calling for the most minuet things! Each and every time it would cause an arguement between BD and I, I was about to lose my mind...here is the kicker..He would actually tell her she doesn't need to call him all the time and to only call in an emergancy ot something COMPLETELY about the kids...however that gave her the edge..she got what she wanted to know that she is getting to us...causing chaos amongst us! However one time she did make a coment about you never answer my calls anymore...hummm I wonder why? So we started to not ever answer the phone when she calls..if she leaves a msg then BD will call her back but if she doesn't then he won't. No matter what you say or do, what you ask or demand of her, SHE IS WHO SHE IS AND ISN'T GOING TO CHANGE! So, find an alternative route that works in your favor! Try what we did and see if it works for you! All I can say is that I got tired, very tired of wasting time that could be spent together in a good way fighting!! Just let it go and try to think positive...trust me, I know it's not easy!! but it has better out comes for YOU an BD!!!!!
Hope this helps!!

"if she leaves a msg then BD will call her back but if she doesn't then he won't"

This is why you are still dealing with her because even though your husband has told her to only call when there is an emergency if she leaves a vm he still calls her back - it sounds like she will leave a vm about anything and he still calls her back.

My FH used to do this with the BM and tell her to only call when it is important and she didn't listen and would still call because to her everything was important. So finally WE have presented a united front and we don't fight about her at all anymore. He put up boundaries told her how it was going to be and did not cater to her behaviour (just like with kids) when you stay strong and do not cave in things change. We haven't heard a peep out of her for 3mths! IT'S AWESOME. But again though my SD is 16 and able to talk to her dad whenever she wants about whatever she wants and needs.

The other posters above are all correct - DH needs to draw boundaries with BM and enforce them CONSISTENTLY, to break this. We did it, and all is a lot quieter, here anyway, from BM.

If she gets ugly, spell out that she needs to get a life - lately though our BM seems to have a dramatic need to speak to DH every Saturday night.? Geez, get a man already, they've been divorced 12 years!!!!!

"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin