We have always had a problem discussing his kids.. he gets extremely defensive..

How old is SS??? There should def. be a bedtime est. for kids.. DH used to let his kids 6 at the time, be up til 10pm.. I made a stink a couple of times.. he was like.. but I dont get to see them that much, then I pointed out that perhaps they act up all day long because they are tired and grouchy..

I dont know if I would have stuck around if DH had the skids EW.. I know when we have them 2 weekends in a row I want to cry and rip my hair out!

When we had SD every weekend there was little time to grow as a couple. We now have every other weekend (BM fought that tooth and nail- what kind of mom wants NO weekend time with her child anyway? I think she enjoyed having all her free, non-work time to herself.) It is heavenly on the weekends when we have no kids but our two year old. I forget how much I need that until it's not there if BM decides to not take her.

I feel for you. I think that this every weekend thing that BM's are pulling as 50/50 is wrong, very selfish. The only way I can see it is if they work retail or as food servers every weekend. Not fair otherwise.

Why is it that your BF has his son every weekend?

Peace, love, and red wine

We have my SD every week from Friday night until Monday morning when she goes to school. It sucks! I have hardly anytime with my DH during the week because we both work full time, and by the time we get home (we both have a long commute) we have no time for each other. I love those rare weekends when she is not there. I can actually unwind and do what I want! But, if you asked my DH, he would say that I was selfish because he wants his daughter 24/7, and how could I possibly NOT want her around?

Here is the thing.. I almost think that if I had my skids 24/7, that I would be able to have more control in my home. Its the EOW and not having any part in shaping their manners or behavior that has me riled up most times.

The fact that my dh feels that we can not CHANGE the skids in 2 days, I think is why he doesnt want to parent. I notice that the longer they stay w/us, vaca's and such, the more he is inclined to correct them..

But.. only having them on weekends and then having them every weekend is NOT fair to the NCP and that person's spouse. The CP is getting away w/having their cake and eating it too... Free sitting on the weekend, where they ensure that their former spouse cant have a life!

Same problem, but we don't have EOW because we live 100 miles away but the younger two SD's have, what we've deemed, an eating dissorder and it's really tearing me and my hubby apart when they are here. We're both so passionate about it that we fight a lot. The youngest SD4 has said she's not coming to our house anymore because she doesn't like the noise he makes when he yells at me about the food issues.

We don't fight about the problem we fight because we both want to fix it but know that we only have 5 days max with them. In the summer we have 3 weeks and if we did it this summer, we could get somewhere. As long as SD8 can go home and cry to BM, she'll get her way and have a heart attack when she's 20. Her poor arteries.

BF doesn't want to cause a fight because of the "we only have them for a short time". I, by nature, want to fix the problem and get is solved and the sooner the better. SD8 is extremely emotional about it and cries at the drop of a hat if you mention food to her.

We've told our lawyer about this all so we'll see what happens.

I hate fighting with him but I just get so frustrated becasue i know as soon as they go home, all goes back to normal because BM doesn't think there's a problem with only eating breaded, fried food and NO fruits or veggies to speak of..

BM compaires me to SD8 (i'm a chunky girl) and says I'm not one to complain about SD8's weight...it's not her weight, she's young she can lose it, it's that she's still growing! I'm 5'2'' and not getting any taller but SD8 is only 8! She's got 10 more years of development... UGH!

I have been around my DH/SD for about 7.5 years. The first 2-3 years I tried to always be polite, tiptoe around the no manners, etc. but after we were married a while I started letting it fly. Not to SD but to DH. His family never made their kids do anything either, but DH got away from them at 18 and is relatively normal.

If you don't point out a health issue or social niceties they may never know and fit in in the real world like they need to to be happy. Even if we end up getting divorced I am contributing to that kid by applying the 'bullsh*t meter' to the stupid stuff. It has been hard and now SD/BM hate me but I really don't care, at least she knows how to act more and is actually doing a lot better.

Oh and re. how you feel about being around SS in this case it is DH who needs a reality check. Be as kind as you can but he needs to know unless he places limits he is not helping his child, he is hurting him. If DH can't take that, you would be miserable with him anyway. Keep your independence just in case, we all have to do that to really help these kids like they do need someone too, even it is not the popular view.

"Fortune favors the brave" - Virgil

I was VERY honest. I have raised my kids & to start over with a teenager was not in my plans. I even stated plainly that I couldn't live with any kids NO MATTER WHAT, THAT IF ANYTHING EVER HAPPENED (God forbid) to his X, that he would have to move out.

He accepted me that way. I haven't changed. Don't want to be around anyone's kids----DONE DONE DONE

AND DON'T JUDGE ME. You need to walk a mile in my shoes, and be where I've been to begin to comprehend.

sometimes brutally honest because everyone else around FH seems to sugar coat everything and blame it all on BM...I see from both sides now BOTH families are to blame for the way he is turning out. But they seem to blame everyone, including my daughter, but themselves! So I say it the way it is now...I was nice at first but noone seems to listen to the parent who uses her BRAIN and doesn't want to be friends with her child...of course I want my daughter to be happy but I'll be damned if she walks all over me and I allow it to make my child happy...

the whole problem on our end is everyone feels guilty cause golden child's parents got divorced....yeah of course it's sad, BUT my child has been sexually abused and has seen her BD physically abuse me, should I feel sorry for her cause she's been through sooo much? I do but I don't let it affect my parenting! I know it's hard not to do it that way but think of your child 5 years from now if you keep parenting through guilt...I won't let my daughter turn into a monster because I'm too "soft"...no way...and I've decided, FSS isn't my child and I just can't let myself care anymore because it's affecting both my physical and mental health, I'm leaving it up to everyone else who feels sorry for him...

My nieces are like your stepdaughters, dazed. They won't eat anything that is even remotely healthy. The only "fruit" they will eat is baby applesauce. Not regular applesauce, but baby food. They are 10 and 3. Yes, the 10yo still eats baby food and her mother lets her. Why? Because, as my SIL says, "That's all she'll eat." Sometimes I just want to smack my SIL and tell her that they will eat whatever you put in front of them once they are hungry enough. Nothing grates on my nerves more than sitting down to eat with my husband's sister and her family, watching her 10yo eat baby food with a can of Coke.

The whole eating healthy thing really has to start with their first ever feeding. I breastfed both of mine, but once they started on "real" food, I held off on anything sweet for a long time. They got cereal first, then the yellow veggies, then the green veggies, then the strained meats. They didn't start on fruits until after they were accustomed to eating the stuff that wasn't sweet. Now that they are big kids, they like to snack on veggies and fruit. They eat everything I put on their plates. They don't really turn their noses up at anything. I never gave them a choice when they were small, so they don't even try to rebel with food now. They are pretty good eaters, both of them, much unlike my nieces, who won't eat anything that's not in a McDonald's bag. My MIL has tried to get my nieces to eat better and has talked to her daughter about making them eat better, but to no avail. I think my SIL let it go on too long and now she's just lost all control over her children. If she tries now to be a hardass about meals, it ends up in tantrums and the kids always end up winning.

I wish you lots of luck with this, because I think you'll need it. It's gone on for too long and you don't have a willing partner in BM to change the girls' eating habits.

and everything else will follow.
One thing I am learning is that I have to make myself happy then I can make others happy IF they want to be.
some people will never be happy or content and you need to remove yourself from them cuz they will slowly posion you.
take care dazed, we are here for you!

“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”

Is this a case of right man, wrong situation?

♥ Georgia ♥

"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)

all of the posts two things popped out at me. Firstly, I heard a couple of you talk about the EOW turning into two weekends in a row. That happened here a couple of times & I WANTED TO DIE! When I realized how it was affecting me, I stopped allowing it in MY HOME. It was so easy for the SS, DH, and BM to make plans for me in MY HOME. It has NEVER happened again. If the man/child needs to switch weekends, my dh goes to visit him instead of bringing him to spend the night (losing the weekend). The schedule DOES NOT CHANGE.

You said:
If I am honest and frank he may well leave me.
I know this may sound bad but I can cope with 'SS' for short periods of time.When it gets over about 1.5/2 days I feel tired and stressed.

You sound VERY NORMAL & so does your bf. A relationship without honesty is doomed. & if you're honest it is doomed. Sweetie, read the writing on the wall. It isn't your fault----it is the circumstances. I'D FEEL EXACTLY THE SAME WAY. He needs a woman that has no children (so doesn't know the mess she's getting into), one that can't read (so she can't find this website), or one that is so desperate for a man that she'll put up with anything. Don't settle. You're not married yet! You can get out!

They both start smelling after a few days

Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!