Court Didn't Go Well :(
We went to court today over the modification that DH submitted so that he could get SD for the summers when we move in a few weeks. The judge didn't want to make a decision....isn't that why he is a judge by the way.
The judge is ordering emergency mediation since we are running out of time even though DH had emails from BM saying that she wouldn't go to mediation. BM said that she was "more than willing to work out something but not what DH had proposed."
BM husband even CRIED saying that he couldn't imagine not having SD around for almost 3 months straight. Let me get this straight....my DH, THE FATHER!!!, has to be away from his daughter for 9 months and the step dad can't be without another mans child for 3 months????!!! What the F*^$#!!!
So I got a chance to speak as well since BM husband kept going on about how it was our choice and if it were him he would work 5 jobs to stay where his kids were. I informed then that I too was leaving most of my family and the only home that I have ever known and that I too loved SD and she loved me and BM had the nerve to shake her head. I called her out on it in front of the judge but he didn't say a word.
I am so angry...All DH wanted was for a third party to make the decision since BM makes it hell to decide and yet he wouldn't. I don't get it. It's not like DH was asking for a lot. DH even said he would be willing to reduce time so that SD could be with BM on SD's b-day every other year (it's in mid summer) and BM said that wasn't fair but yet it is fair for DH to miss it??? And every single holiday??
Then BM had the nerve to tell SD (7 remember!) about how we all went in front of the judge to decide things about what will happen when we move. SD IS ONLY A CHILD!!! Why would you intentially do that to a child????
I want to explode!!! Please help!!!
wow.. I would be pissed off
wow.. I would be pissed off too.. I know right.. they are the freakin jugde.. make a damn decision.. its not them so it doesnt matter apparently. And your DH's es wife and her DH sound like real pieces of work. I would have seriously did the smallest violin insiuation in the courtroom while her DH cried.. what a dipshit. Your DH is the father and Im VERY sure that if it was his child.. how the hell would he feel? Thats what I would have asked him.. since your judge was so damn lazy.
"Never argue with an idiot; they'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience."
Here is a tip - go into
Here is a tip - go into mediation asking for three times what you would be satisfied with.
Yeah - its ok for her and he dh to love sd, just not you two, I have some mediation tips at work if u want me to email u some.
mediation tips
I would love some tips. BM is very hard to try to work with on our own. Any suggestions would be most valuable!
[email protected]
Thanks
The Indecisive Family Court
It is my firm belief that the family court system does everything in their power to NOT make decisions. They will drag out a case for years ordering mediation, high conflict resolution, GAL visits, pre-trial court dates (we had FIVE pre-trials and it took BM refusing to collaborate with counseling/mediation, going as far as sabotaging SD's relationship with the counselor and GAL, before the GAL wrote a strong enough report to make BM concede custody. I think BM likes to tell people she won too. I remember early on in mediation when BM refused to take SD any weekends (SD was asking for some) and then finally took her ONE weekend a month, then scheduled LESS weekdays to the point where she had her less than before mediation. BM went into the school and told the principal, "I WON more visitation with (SD)." When I stopped in another day and spoke with the principal to fill her in on what was going on with mediation and court dates she was shocked and told me she thought it was over, but did notice that BM seemed to keep "forgetting" to bring in the paperwork the principal had asked for.
Go to mediation and try to show how reasonable you are. I don't care if you've moved continue to come back for mediation until the BM decides she wants no more. Make sure she quits mediation before you do. This worked to our advantage tremendously in our case. I know it's hard b/c you'll be out of state, but try like hell. This is a staring contest and you cannot blink first!
Peace, love, and red wine
Damn Judge
My DH's judge last year did the same thing to him. We got married on the fly because we wouldn't be allowed to see the SD's for the Cirstmas holidays if he was with me just dating (some crappy AR law) so we got married...which bit us in the ass because of the judge held it against him that he moved away from his daughters (1800 miles) so we have to pay for 100% of all travel for them to and from our home in VA.
BM even told me one time on the phone that I should have moved to their tiny little town in mosquito heaven. "I'd never be able to move away from my babies". Well, this way the girls will have a better life because if we DID live in your town, you'd stalk us when we had the kids and that wouldn't be cool. Plus, they get away from her too! They can rest with us and see things she'd NEVER let them see. Heaven forbid they see the White House or go to NYC for the weekend. Well, now they will be able to do that since he DID move.
I hope that the judge or mediation person will let you work it out. We don't get them for the whole summer, just 3 weeks but that's enough sometimes. I'd rather have them for longer and not pay any child support at all during that time (in a perfect world).
I think it might be better to get another opinion on your case. If the Bm's Hubby cries to the mediation/arbitrator, that might play in your favor. Especially if the MOM doesn't cry! Shoot, who cares more there? Her or the Hubby? The DH that's who. The man responsible FOR them being there!
Your DH is their father and the BM's huby can't do anything about that. He can love her, please love the SD but don't hold her back from her real daddy, or she will resent you when she's older. Kids helpd back will rebel. And you'll win in the end.
Keep your chin UP!