Mediation-----What Good Is It?
Can anyone tell me what is the point of mediation if the BM is a liar, untrustworthy and a control freak? Instead of finding BM in contempt he ordered mediation for her to prove herself and if she doesn't then she will be found in contempt. The only thing that I can see to mediate is whether BF should pay the couseling and chiropractor fees. How do you mediate a violation she has already committed?
She is going to try and mediate the visitation, wanting us to keep him overnight and on weekends again but that isn't open to negotiation with us. SS-4 goes through to much and her constant interference in our life is to much. Since it is court ordered, if we drop the contempt charges do we still have to go through with mediation. This whole episode has already cost us thousands do we have to spend more for mediation? Can we just right it off as accepting that she is going to do what ever she wants with the child, she is going to say whatever she wants to the child and she is going to put on a good show for the mediator and as soon as the judge drops the contempt charges it will be back to the same old thing? BF is tempted to just walk away at this point, pay whatever bills she runs up, see ss on Wed. nights and at daycare a couple times a week and wait for ss to get older. Can we do this?
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Kim I totally feel your
Kim I totally feel your frustration. Do yo know how many times hubby's EX refused to produce court ordered documents, her lease, financial statements. We had to drag her before a judge twice, and she still refused to comply with the judges order to produce the damn documents. The judge then teleconferenced her and gave her the order a third time!!! WTF
There was no reprimand. There was no punishment. We incurred legal fees for each and every court appearance, phone call, letter damanding the materials, etc.
But that was all part of her game....
She couldn't hurt him emotionally any more so she did her damnest to hurt him financially...
Problem was...she was so consumed with wrecking him financally she took herself out instead and was forced to declare bankruptcy....mostly for the rediculous legal fees she racked up for herself and her living rediculously beyond her means hopeing the judge would order hubby to pay for it all.....it all backfired.
But as a consolation......
Every court appearance we had. Every court order she did not follow. All her selfishness. Every lie she got caught in. All became part of the record. And in the end it all added up and painted a pretty shitty picture of her......and over time the judge we ended up with ran out of patience for her Bull Shit..and she knew it. She ended up conceeding to everything we asked for because the judge basically called her a liar and her lawyer knew the judge had seen and read enough for us to be successful.
It's a pain in the ass.....I know.
All the BS we went through with that cow.
Just tell yourself...your building your case to hang her good in the end.....
What our aide told us
We are in a very similar situation with a BM who manipulates the system and plays nice to those who matter while quietly screwing us at every opportunity. The advice that our attorney and legal aide gave us - don't you dare give up. She said that every inch we can take, no matter how difficult it is, is worth the fight. Stepping down would be giving her the signal that it's OK to walk all over you and get what she wants. Every single time that you prove not only to your lawyers, but hers, and the judge, that you are unwilling to settle for her crap or let your SS pay for her selfishness will only make you look better and her look worse. While it is a major pain in the ass, she's only hurting herself. The mediator may play nice with her but he will also know exactly what she's up to. While the system is biased, these people do know what they're dealing with and can recognize a vindictive BM when they see one. I know it isn't much consolation now but she is making her own case against herself. She will end up hanging herself in the end. All you have to do is continue to build your evidence and make your stands when you can.
Your lawyers, if they're good, will not steer you wrong. Listen to what they have to say. They will tell you when one battle is worth the fight or if it is better to let it go and let her think she's "won". Not every victory for her will lead to defeat for you. Remember that most of her "victories" are seen by everyone (read: those that matter!) as spiteful acts of a selfish and petty woman who has nothing better to do. Our lawyers have been a tremendous help to us in these past few months and it's been worth every penny as they use their knowledge to move the chess pieces to get BM into checkmate.
*~So sayeth Nymh~*