I was raised by my mom and stepdad (I'm new and don't know all the abbreviations) and he had a son that never knew him until his late teens. Anyway, my stepdad is like the "Absent-minded Professor" and is forever misplacing things, losing things, ect. So, after a rare visit to our house by my stepbrother, they leave for the airport. Stepbrother decides to drive for dad in dad's car. All goes well, they say thier goodbyes in the airport terminal, the plane takes off. Dad goes out to his car in the airport parking lot and can you already guess. . . NO CAR KEYS! Yes, they are still in stepbrothers pocket on the AIRPLANE! This kind of thing happens in my family all the time!

One time, I was meeting my SDad at a rest area off the turnpike, where we both agreed to meet halfway between our homes at a certain time. I got there at the agreed time, and 4 HOURS LATER, my SDad shows up. He had stopped to check the water in his radiator and forgot to put the cap back on, overheated and broke down on the side of the road. He could have called, but he forgot to charge his cell phone! And amazingly enough, he's the Dad that I could always depend on (that's why I waited for him instead of leaving).

Now, when I see my SD, so smart and talented in so many ways, I can't help but see parts of BM in her. For example, SD loves to perform in front of a crowd, dancing especially. BM's a stripper. Should I worry? The last time she saw her BM, she came home proudly telling me how her mommy can do a kartwheel into a split. What to say about such a talent, I'm not sure. All I can do along that line is be able to "Spell" kartwheel. Another thing that concerns me is that BM has what I would consider to be Borderline Personality Disorder coupled with a 9th grade level education - A very scary combination. We sometimes wonder if our daughter will be as smart as other kids or will her genetics play a part in how successful she can be in life. Thankfully, Daddy is very smart.

I also worry about her deceptive behavior, self-centeredness, and stubborn attitude. She can look you in the eye and lie without blinking. I am always on guard when she goes out of her way to be nice, wondering what is it that she wants. All this said, she is 14 and isen't that how all 14yo's are? I have to think yes. I guess at this age, she reminds me so much of BM, because that was the age that BM stopped developing as a person. I can only hope that as SD grows into an adult, she will have passed up BM's intellectual capacity and the two will no longer have anything in common and nothing to talk about. I can't wait to help her start studying for the SAT and filling out college applications.

"Walk slow and watch for snakes"

she will never be like me. Unfortunately SD (7) has traits from DH & the BM. I say "unfortunate" because SD seems to have picked up all the bad habits. Don't get me wrong SD can be a sweet loving little kid---BUT---a lot of the time the parents traits shine on through.

SD is like her father in the respect that she is VERY picky about food. DH is the same way although he loves to say he's not. DH is also adamant (like me) about SD eating good nutrious foods. SD whines about it though. SD voices her opinion about how she doesn't like to eat a lot of things. DH always tells her to be quiet and eat her food. Funny thing is DH is the SAME WAY! It took me years just to get him to even try certain foods. Silly man! Another bad trait SD has picked up from DH is a very bad & short temper. When SD gets made she really acts out---thrown things, hit people, slammed doors, you know all out lashing out at everything & everyone. DH is basically the same way, except actually a little less throw-y and hit-y. I've tried to tell DH that both he and SD need some anger management courses.

As far as the BM goes SD is like her in a lot of ways. The main one is the lying. It seems as though BM is an compulsive liar. BM can look you straight in the face, without flinching, and lie right thru her teeth about nything & everything. My SD is the same way. SD can lie to anyone without being remorseful or feeling morally obligated to tell the truth. It is very hard to tell when SD lies because I think she honestly believes her lies are true, just like BM does. I really think this will be a major problem when SD gets older. SD is very moody & selfish just like BM. Both SD & BM think everyone should kiss their toes and be grateful that they graced us with their presence. Neither are humble IMO. Neither are thankful for what they have nor what they receive.

I think no matter how long I am around this child she will never really develop into someone like me. My son on the other hand is just like me---loving, concerned about other people & their feelings, can't lie AT ALL because A) we suck at & we know it's morally wrong. My son's not perfect by any means & neither am I nor will we ever be. However people have actually made comments before about how polite, loving & well-mannered my son is then turn around and say my SD is basically a whiny brat.

SD is not all bad because I try to see the good in her & I know it's not her fault she ended up this way.

At only 7, I really believe there is time to help her learn how to be an honest person. Even if you don't see her very often, you still have the ability to make a positive impact in her life. My SD came to me just as she turned 6. She had and continues to have issues with honesty (now she's 14 so it's normal at this age). I have never missed an opportunity to point out dishonesty and correct the bad behavior when it rears it's ugly head. In fact, I constantly look for it, expecting it in a way. When it happens, even when she was little, we immediately stopped what we were doing and had a family discussion. It was extremely important that Dad step in and confront her and make it very clear that lying is wrong and how it makes you feel when she does it. Be very clear and very firm. Then we would give examples of how lying hurts. We also would tell her that people, friends, family don't want to be around people that tell lies, and it makes you not want to do nice things for her when she lies. And then give an example of something nice you did for her. You have to teach her to have a conscience. It's good you know that it's not her fault and you and Dad can make a big difference in her life. She'll thank you for it later, I promise.

"Walk slow and watch for snakes"

is stronger than nurture. I think step parents can influence manners and superficial things, but deep deep behavior (gestures/preferences)I feel are genetic.

My skids are bound to be quite a bit like BM, not just gentically, but because they are with her most of the time. I do see a lot of traits of my DH in my SS though, his calm nature, compassion, and interests are all very similar. But now his behavior, well that, I see, as coming a lot from how he is being raised by his BM. He is very spoiled, as is SD, actually she is worse, but I think that is because biologically she is so much like her mother. But I look at BM, and I know a bit about her parents, and BM was spoiled too, she was raised to have many of the traits she has that are so annoying to me now. Perhaps she would have been a much more tolerable person if she were raised differently. So, I think, if DH and I were given the chance to raise the skids, we would be able to do a lot to counteract some of the negative traits they have gotten from BM. They wouldn't be totally different kids, but their behavior would not be the same as it is now.

I see my BS's Father in him all the time. He's the spittin' image...except for the hair color. He has all his Dad's mannerisms. I sometimes wonder if he got any of my genes. Don't get me wrong, he's a good kid but his Dad's worst traits show up in him despite the fact he's spent very little time with birth father.
As for my SK's, SD(12) is highly influenced by her BM and behaves a lot like BM (SCARY!!!!) One twin SS shows traits of both parents but the older he gets, the more he also behaves like BM. The other twin SS that lives with us is highly manipulative and plays mind games like his mother, but he is with us now and most days he shows improvement in his behavior....that is until some of his visits with BM.
Ever wonder if the parent the children favor in looks is the one they favor in traits and behaviors?? Just a theory.

"I prefer my life STRESS FREE...When you're STRESSIN'...You're STRESSIN' me"