Hi I have been lurking around here for awhile and have learned and liked this place so much I thought I would join. Please forgive me as my first post is a little bit of a vent of what kinda goes on here at home or what I am feeling inside, but I really don't have alot of people to talk to about this situation and it's something I would prefer to talk about with people that don't know me and that I see often.

Let me tell you a little bit about my situation. I am a mom to 3 kids, 14, 11, and 9. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years and after a few months of seeing each other he started staying a little bit with me ( I had an apt. with my kids) and eventually we decided to move to a bigger place and move in with each other. Our relationship is pretty serious. He gave me a "promise ring" almost a year ago. I was previously married to my kids dad for 15 yrs. and my relationship was a verbal/abuse. My boyfriend I would have to say is the best thing that has happened to me in a long time. He loves me just as much as I love him.

My boyfriend has two kids. They are ages 11, and 7. (This is where I start to vent.) His kids live with their mother and he usually sees them on Wed. night for (over nite) and then he has them every other weekend. When our kids are together they used to get along pretty good but now it seems like since we live together things are kinda changing a bit. When our kids are together "things" happen when all 5 kids are together that normally don't happen when it's just my 3 kids here. For instance, this past weekend 2 of my kids and his 2 kids along with some neighbor kids were throwing rocks and there were tons of rocks in the driveway (we share a driveway) as we live in a townhome. I made them all pick up the rocks because it's wrong and it pissed me off, I don't think my kids would have done that if his kids weren't here. Then when bed time comes we can never get them all to bed on time, even though we plan it. it's always close to midnight before I lay my head on the pillow and when I do I'm out cold after that. I'm so tired. When I make dinner many times his kids don't like what I cook and his son has even said "it taste nasty" right in front of me. I never said anything before when he used to say that but the other nite I finally told his son "ya know you are very disrespectful and rude and if ya don't like somebody's cookin you shouldn't hurt their feelings by saying what you said right in front of them" his dad backed me up on this which is good, but like last night for instance I made "kielbaska" which is a pot of cabbage, carrots, potatoes, and kielbaska sausage" all in a pot. My kids love this dish but his don't so what happens? My boyfriend made his kids chicken patties and then picked out the potatoes from our pot to put on their plates. I don't know why but, I feel fine when it's just him, my kids, and I here at home, but when his come my attitude changes and I become (negative) and I know it's wrong. I don't know why I feel this way. Do I feel this way because I just know something is going to happen? or there's going to be lots of bickering with my kids for the weekend? or I'm wondering if it's because he has kids with somebody else?? I feel that his son (11) tries to start problems on purpose sometimes with my kids or his sister, If an adult isn't present around at all times all hell breaks loose and somebody's picking on somebody, or someone's fighting, or banging stuff. When they come they are such mess makers that I can't even keep up. I feel like when they come my home life gets disrupted.

For the first year I wanted more than ever to marry my boyfriend but since I am expericing these feelings I think it's better that we just live together. I used to not be content with that but I am now because I would probably be the SM from hell and right now I'm probably the girlfriend from hell. (not really) I knew going into the relationship that he had kids and I was fine with that, but I honestly question myself is this really going to work? I'm nice to his kids and give them hugs, but I feel like I am just putting on a mask and faking myself out. There is no way I could tell my boyfriend how I feel. It would truly just tear him up inside, but I'm wondering if I should find someone that doesn't have any kids and just have mine?? My boyfriend and I are so compatable. It's just the kids that are the problem, or am I just being selfish?

Let me add that my kids are no angels they can be bad to and believe me if any other man had to deal with what my boyfriend has had to deal with, they would have ditched me by now but he hasn't and it's because he loves me- just like I love him. WOW is he feeling what I feel to??

Thanks for reading if you have gotten this far. I have been keeping all my feelings and thoughts bottled up inside and needed to vent. Any of you that experience what I am feeling could respond would be greatly appreciated.