I love my stepkids
Regardless of their piercings, whatever tattoos they decide they want to have on themselves throughout their lives, the music they choose to listen to, or what they choose to eat or not eat...I really love my stepkids & hope that one day they'll realize how much they mean to DH & I.
I understand that as stepparents, often times, our feelings get hurt. We feel out of place. We feel unloved, unappreciated, & overwhelmed. What I don't understand is how someone can not just not love a child, but actually HATE a child. I don't understand the need some stepparents feel to demand that a parent dissolve their relationship with their children. Young or grown, they will always be somebody's child. That relationship doesn't become less important or meaningful to the parent or the child as the child gets older. If anything, it's supposed to become stronger.
I can't imagine ever telling my DH that couldn't or shouldn't have a relationship with his children. I can't imagine ever trying to make him feel stupid or small for trying to maintain what he could with them. I can't imagine ever throwing insults in his face or reminders of how his children have hurt him in the past for the sake of keeping a wedge between them. I can't imagine feeling so needy for attention that I would push his kids away so I could hog the spotlight.
I want my DH to feel happy, regardless of his relationship with his kids. I want him to always know that I will support his efforts to be a good father.
- stormabruin's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I'm 'fond' of mine. I love
I'm 'fond' of mine. I love them sometimes. I do what is right and best for them. I don't always like them though.
I've also encouraged SO to get more access and to fight for his relationship with them.
I don't understand the need some stepparents feel to demand that a parent dissolve their relationship with their children.
Who did that?
Regardless, I guess I could see a situation where I might do that. If they were grown and constantly caused him pain. If, after many, many chances they continued to use him and cause him nothing but pain. If they caused pain for our child. If they grew up to be horrible people then yes, I suppose I could see myself encouraging him to cut ties.
I love mine too. And I love
I love mine too. And I love your post, storm. Very honest.
My stepkids have caused me great pain. And I've made some huge mistakes in the way I handled things. But I love them. I think they know that. And I think that's how we got past the worst of the worst. Like you, I would never put my DH is a position of having to chose. Or of thinking that I didn't value his relationship with his children.
Yesterday was a rough stepparent day for me. Thanks for posting this thread. I needed that this morning.
" it's hard for me to see him
" it's hard for me to see him treated poorly, but I understand it's his daughter and he loves her. "
---------------------------------------------------------------------
That's the hardest part for me, I think. It makes me angry to see BM & the kids treat him the way they do, but I know how important it is to him, to feel he's made every effort he can make to have a good relationship with them. And because it means so much to him, it means that much to me. I feel like the best thing I can do is be supportive of him & to be there for him to turn to when things take an ugly turn.
I don't think any of us will make it through our situations without eating at least a little bit of crow. I think a big part of the difference, though, is in how graceful we are about doing it.
I love my skids too. Sure,
I love my skids too. Sure, there are times I want to knock their heads together and there are times I want to run far far away from the whole situation, but after 10 years, I don't want to know what life would be like without them!!
I love my stepkids, I hate
I love my stepkids, I hate their behavior. It's funny though, that when a stepparent tries to correct a stepkids BEHAVIOR, it is often misconstrued as you therefore hate your STEPKIDS. Some people can't seem to seperate the two.
It's funny though, that when
It's funny though, that when a stepparent tries to correct a stepkids BEHAVIOR, it is often misconstrued as you therefore hate your STEPKIDS. Some people can't seem to seperate the two.
Agreed. Either you hate the stepkid or you're "being mean".
It may be misconstrued by
It may be misconstrued by some. I don't feel like correcting behavior means you hate your skids or that you're mean. I think correction is important in helping a child develop into a productive happy adult. I do think that in a lot of the cases that are blogged about here there are obvious signs of lack of discipline. That blame should fall on the adults rather than the children.
I agree also. In many, many
I agree also. In many, many ways, a lot of the issues we are having now could have been avoided if DH had disciplined the kids the way he should have.
AGREED!
AGREED!
I agree that there probably
I agree that there probably are some who can't separate the two, but there are posts where people say very bluntly, "I hate my skids". Not judging, but if I were in a situation where I truly hated my skids, I would have to remove myself from the situation.
I wasn't trying to imply that
I wasn't trying to imply that it's a stepparents responsibility to encourage him to have a relationship with HIS kids. I was referring to those stepparents who actively discourage his to have a relationship with his kids. I'm not laughing at all. I don't think children being disrespectful is funny.
I really can’t say that I
I really can’t say that I love my skid. But I do not hate him either!
I rarely was around SS for 8 years, and what I new of him during those 8 years was how bad of trouble he was always in. Bad trouble and nasty trouble.
Now that he lives with us full time, I am getting to know him a little better. But I will never have a bond with him like I do my kids. He lies so much and is so “center of attention” that it is even hard to like him sometimes.
I think I feel more pity for SS than I do love or like. Sucks.
I love my step-children in
I love my step-children in the same way I love all God's children, but other than that, I "care" about my step-children. As a matter of fact, I care about my step-children so much that it sometimes makes me sad to picture what their futures will be like based on their unbringing and lives now, and yet I feel powerless to do anything other than sit back and watch it all go up in flames. Further, I feel like I canNOT "LOVE" my step-children because I do NOT have license from my H to treat my step-children as my own, and as long as I am not allowed to treat them as my own I imagine I will never feel about them anywhere near the way I feel about my own. Finally, I do NOT "Hate" anyone. The closest I've ever come to hating people were my son's biological father and coincidentally my own step-father and my step-brother, but in all three cases the negative feelings I have for these people are WELL DESERVED, but I had to at least TRY to forgive them for the things they did to me and/or my loved ones and get on with my life for the betterment of myself as a person and a mother, and I still go out of my way to be cordial and "play nice" because I don't want my interactions with these people to negatively impact the people who I DO Love, namely my son and my half-siblings.
I love my skids and my kids.
I love my skids and my kids. I yes have tried to be a communicator to tell the BM how my H feels about his d but she always explains she trys to include him on things.My husband continues to call every week twice a week and see's her oe weekend etc. She does not want to talk when he calls and the BM makes her feel bad if she has to come for more than a weekend that the BM life is hell if she doesnt have her d at home which makes her feel sad and miss mom and want to go home. My husband is soo patient and know she will realize later in life that all he wants is to love and live life with her in it. Sad some BM want all the attention and makes sure she keeps him at bay.
"If given a choice, Choose Happy"