Hi Haley, So, she enjoys the drama and attention? What's the best way for it to stop when dealing with our kids temper tantrums? IGNORE IT. It's hard as heck but you can't get sucked in if you want any peace in your life. The truth be told, I'm actually from Queens, NY and my upbringing tells me first to kick some butt..but that's not what works in this case.) Good luck. and remember, anyone who calls in the lawyers first (esp. about something like that) is a coward. You are too classy to stoop to her level!

I agree 100%- Don't give her the satifaction of knowing she gets under your skin. It will make her skin crawl everytime you just go on with your life as though she doesn't make a difference to you at all... she will back off.

I think the BM of whom you speak is the same ex-wife of my husband! What a coincidence! ... everything is about HER and not the kids... how she must sit around and do nothing except think of ways to make other lives miserable.... Yep, that's her!

I'm sure she took the note as an "attack" rather than how it was intended. If you hadn't sent the note - she would have accused you of betrayal by not telling her about the SD being sick. You could've just sent a copy of the doctor's bill with a note attached, saying "Dr. bill - you owe half. Refer to the divorce decree setforth." (Don't do that - I'm joking. That's my SK's BM's favorite phrase - and it ticks me off.)

I'm sorry Haley, but you can't win, so don't try. You sound like a good person who constantly tries to do the right thing. Keep doing what you're doing. Obviously, you love and care enough about SD to take her to the doctor and get her meds filled.

Look at it this way - obviously, you're doing something right, or BM wouldn't be so hateful. Sounds like BM feels like she's in competition with you and by your taking SD to the doctor and getting her meds makes BM feel incompetent - or at least BM feels that YOU think she's incompetent.

Hang in there and keep your chin up. You did the right thing.

Sending cyber hugs,
Tootsie

You gonna skin that smoke-wagon, 'er just stand there and bleed?

The BM is jealous of you and her ex having a great relationship. (You should see some of my posts under 'Ladies I salute you' - not that I've gone into details of what the bitch has actually done - YET!).

I have a very similar situation and the 'ignore her' thing won't always work. Their bitterness knows no limits and they are no match for the likes of us sweet, kind women! (Who incidentally spend OUR time and money looing after THEIR kids!!!!!!!)

I know exactly what you mean about the pure selfishness of these women. They only care about themselves and yet they are also deeply unhappy and want to blame everyone but themselves for what has happened. Growing up and taking responsibility for themselves would help but they will never do that.

I understand the anger and the pure unfairness of it all. It is hell. The only truism is that you can't change others but you can change yourself. The great thing is THIS SITE!!! The women here 'get it' coz they've lived it!

Keep on going and be strong,

XX

Haley- I must agree with everyone else... sounds like she's jealous & the best thing to do is ignore her. I know it is hard to always be the "stronger person", but that will get you farther in life, this situation, with your BF & with the children. The misery she tries to cause you is just an extention of the misery she calls her life. Trust me, anyone who is a sane, normal person sees right through that drama & need for attention. Don't let her get to you... it's obvious that she's not worth it! Stay strong & keep smiling... both will just drive her crazy. It's always been my belief that living life well & happy is the best revenge. And if it helps... it seems like many of us know EXACTLY what you're going through, so we're here to help & listen. Now we've spent more time than we should out of our day on someone that doesn't deserve it... let's move onto better things!!! Have a great rest of the day!

Sorry to say, These BB or BM's , will never consider us the nice friendly helping people we are. They will attack us and bitch about us, and our dh's will defend or won't, and we just get frustrated. Being a stepmom is thankless, and for those that it works, must be the biomom isn't involved in their kids lives. The BB can be manipulative, and it is her main job to make you miserable, maybe because she thinks she is missing something out. They can't stand other people to be happy...and won't take responsibility for their own crap.....and you will never make change or see the light.....
I am frustrated to the point of leaving this marriage.....

My husband has been divorced from his ex-wife (BM of 2 kids) for 13 years - since his son was born. Between the ex and me there was another ex-wife, no kids thank heaven. We have been togehter off and on for about 5 years and married last year. His ex-wife is total oppiste of me, she is older, different race, depressed, over weight, etc. My husband cannot stand her. So in the last month she has dyed and cut her hair in my color and style, gone on a serious diet, she drove two hours to buy a car just like my car, yes same color, from the same dealership and salesman; and has started dressing like me???? I think she has lost it completely. Shortly after we were married, she dropped my SS off after a visit and decided to make herself at home in my house (without my husband or me home) and did not think it was a problem to take the grand tour. I sent her a pretty hateful e-mail at that time, things of course have not gotten any better, we don't speak, she is teaching the SD (16) to act the same way. She is so jealous she can't even look at me. There are times I just want to yell at her and tell her how stupid she is...not the best idea. Anytime I confront or there is any confrontation between us she threatens to take my SS back to live with her. At this point I feel hopeless, I don't see my realtionship with either of them getting any better or at least civil.

answer- like 80 percent!

If it's any consulation, you are NOT going through your experience alone. Your husbands ex sounds like a twin to mine. She makes herself comfy in our home & actually KNOWS where the glasses are in my kitchen. Recently, she spent over 3hrs. in our house for no apparent reason. other than her kids live here (with the BF & me, SM).
I actually had my spouse chat with her & ask her to keep her visits brief or pick up the kids & haul them to a park or out for an ice cream. So far so good, but she is one to fall back into her ol routine...the woman has no "privacy respect" for our home. We are willing to go back to court & get it in writing from a judge if thats what it takes. I know this wasn't technically advice or giving my opinion, but I hope knowing you're not alone helps.
Hang in there!
Sandy

HI Haley

I can totally relate to your situation. MY dh ex always gets her back up about everything. I really do not like this woman...we are completely different. She won't allow my DH to have his daugther 50% of the time...so we fight in court..no luck yet. She dreams of his money and how much she can take from him.....cried on the phone that if she doesn't get his money then they will have to move to another city that is not nice and have to live in a poor area.(I guess the tanning, fake nails, gym membership, hair appointments will have to stop as well)

I couldn't take it anymore so I told her exactly what I think of her....bad idea. She now thinks I am threatened by her. She makes DH pay for my feelings against her or she acts sweeter than sweet.

I wrote a letter to her to apologize for our fight and she total has ignored it to this day and still talks about the fight almost a year ago. Refuses to give hubby any additional time and threatens that she will do everything to take time away from him...because of me.

So, I agree...IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE. She now feels like she is winning and has the control. I have now excluded myself from SD events and don't allow her in our home. I feel more at peace believe it or not. I have guilt that my husband has to suffer because of my outburst but I also know that I have done all I can to try and make amends. You can not please these women unless you allow them to walk all over you and your family. The best is to be happy with your life and act and believe that she does not have the power to take your happiness from you.

Good Luck

My Husband says the same thing "Just Ignore her" but I find it hard when we are together....so I have opted not to go to the events where she is attending. I feel bad for my SD...who I love very much and do try to include her always in the events of our lives. But I and my fmaily do not need the stress the Ex causes us.

Is it easier for the husbands to ignore them, they have spent years tuning them out. I do find my life is better, my relationship is better since I have made this decision not to be involved. I always do our own special things for SD so she doesn't feel as though her things don't matter to me and she does understand when I tell her I can't make it because of whatever. She is happy to have her daddy and mommy together at these things.

I remember the feeling of tension that I would experience leading up to an event where she would be attending. I was stressed for days. Now I don't feel that way anymore. She still pisses me off but I never see her anymore and that just works well for me.

I have learned through experience and to talking to the ladies here who have been going through this a lot longer that I,that you don't have the power to change the EX. You can be as nice as you like and she may never be nice back...so you have to accept that or play another game.

Good Luck

My BF EX is a manipulative bitch also. She shows out in public and everything. So i just don't go to any events where she will be. I disengage SK also. She has poisoned SD mind about me and SS won't speak to me when she is around. SD told me that she agrees with her BM that i am ugly and that BF was better off with BM. SD is five. So i have just disengaged all of my feelings for SK. They can't stay with me when BF is not there and i don't spend time with them when BF is not there. It saves me on the stress.