BS35 meets his Dad for the first time.

I was married at 18 and had my first born Son. My husband was very laid-back, hard working and a sensible man. He was quite happy staying home with baby and kickin back..or going fishing with his mates. Never drank or smoked and kept himself fit and healthy. I was full of life and loved to dance, so would often go dancing with friends and enjoyed hanging out with them at the local RSL. Ex and I didn’t work out and I moved out with my Son within a year. During this time, we had a couple who were close friends of ours (I’ll call them Male & Female (I know, not very imaginative..lol!)) Anyway, they broke up and Female came to live with me.

Female would mind my Son whilst I went to work as she could never manage to secure employment. I went home early one day and caught her in bed with a tow-truck driver and my Son in a filthy nappy, crying in the kitchen. I kicked her ass out. She went and moved in with my ex-husband (her parents refused to let her move back in). Shortly after that, I heard that they’d begun a relationship.

That was ok with me as I wasn’t happily married, so I tried to make it work. They would pick up Son (1 ½ years old) on Sat and I would collect him on Sunday. One Sat my bf (at the time), and I were driving through the area, and decided to pop in for a surprise visit (we were all getting along well at this point). As we went up the stairs to the front door, we could hear Son screaming at the top of his lungs. Front door was wide open as ex-hubby was working in the garage, so we walked in. I saw my Son red-faced and screaming. Female was trying to force him to eat some mashed peas or something. She had her hands around his mouth to hold it open, and was trying to force him with a spoon, to eat the peas. I lost my mind.

My bf grabbed my Son and walked out to the car. I belted the living shit out of female. I broke her jaw and nearly killed her. Ex-hubby came racing upstairs and managed to pull me off her. They called an ambulance and I told him if she ever came near my Son again, I would murder her. Shortly after that, they left the state. I worked, supported and raised my Son without any support from ex-hubby. I didn’t chase after him for support as I had a good job and was able to provide for my Son. I also lived in Aussie alone without my family, who moved over 4 years later. During this time, I worked 2 jobs and had my Son babysat whilst I worked.

Next contact with my ex was when my brother found him and contacted him to see if he wanted to get in touch with my Son. Ex hub rang my Son (16) and briefly spoke to him. Ex asked him how old he was to which my Son got mad and said “you seriously don’t know?” Ex then asked him questions about school etc..then asked to speak to me. This upset my Son who gave me the phone and walked away shaking his head. I briefly spoke to ex – who wanted to know how I was, what had I been up to, was I seeing anyone..at this point, I told him the phone call wasn’t to find out about me – it should have been to try to get to know his Son. Ex hung up and we never heard from him again.

Four years ago, my Son told me that he wanted to find him and had started looking for him on facebook with no luck. Now, my Son has had a facebook account since 2010. His full name is on there and a quick search, would find him. My Son could never find his bio father on facebook or anywhere else.

A month ago, I kept having this stupid dream about a snake trying to eat me and my ex’s name kept flashing in neon colors. I sometimes have weird dreams and if I have strong feelings about it, I try to find out what it means. So, I decided to see if I could find him. I found him straight away. I contacted my Son to let him know I’d found him and asked what he wanted to do. My Son was shocked and asked me to contact him and see if he wanted to reconnect.

First I added ex as a friend and he accepted within the hour. I then sent him a msg, explaining why I’d searched for him and that my Son wanted to reach out and see if they could reconnect. My ex replied that he was shocked but extremely happy to hear and was very keen to make contact. I then told him Son was on facebook. They contacted and began speaking on the phone daily. They also looked uncannily alike and began to enjoy talking and catching up. I was happy for my Son, and stayed out of it.

As ex lived interstate – they made arrangements to fly down so they could meet up. The agreement was that my Son and ex would first meet, then Son would introduce ex and his family to his children and girlfriend. On the day of, Son calls ex to confirm time and place. Call is answered by female. She told Son how happy they were to finally reconnect, and she was looking forward to meeting him again. Son was surprised and when he spoke to ex, asked who all was coming to meet? Ex responded that they all were. Ex, female and their 32 year old Son and his wife.

So, Son took girlfriend and they all met yesterday.

Son called me later to tell me how it all went.

Female was angry and very bitter. Told Son a few whoppers about me and said that I was always dumping him with babysitters because my job was too important to me. That I was nothing but a party girl who didn’t know the gem I had until I left it. That it was my fault ex had never tried to find him. That it was my fault that ex had never reached out to make any attempts to help me raise Son. That everything was pretty much my fault, and I deserved all the suffering I went through, raising him on my own. That I asked for it and she had no sympathy for me whatsoever.

My Son and his girlfriend became upset and stood up for me. My Son told her that she had no right to speak that way. That I raised him on my own and he had a pretty good life. That he was there to try to reconnect and didn’t want to hear them speak about me that way. He also told her that it wasn’t hard to find him, as he had a facebook account under his real name. Female retorted that if Islandgal really needed support – she would have found us. Son responded that they also had the same options – obviously they weren’t interested enough. Then they stood up to leave. Ex convinced them to sit back down and told female to quit it. So they tried again.

Son spoke to ex’s 32 year old Son, asking him what he did for work etc. Ex’s 32 year old Son is married, unemployed and still lives with Ex and female. He was quite proud to announce that he was “in a gang”. Son asked him to clarify and he said “oh…we bash paedophiles and rob their houses”. Son was shocked and looked at ex and female for their response. Ex looked like he wanted the floor to open up and swallow him. Female went into Mama Bear mode and dropped every excuse under the Sun for him from.. “oh..he’s having issues..he can’t stand for too long.. he hasn’t found something that suits him..he has a bad back..”. Son bluntly asked ex “are you serious? Why don’t you throw him out if he’s sponging off you? That’s just beyond stupid..why are you allowing it?” Ex said they’d tried, and he just refused to leave. Son then said “shit. If that was Mum and she wanted us gone, you bet your ass we’d be gone – she’d make damn sure of it”. Ex squirmed and Female looked like she wanted to throw something at Son. Son’s gf was torn between laughing at her expression and being upset with her.

Ex works full time and is also a carer for female, who has quadrupled in size. She is very obese and uses a walking aid. This female used to be trim, taut and terrific. I was stunned to hear that and thought he exaggerated, until he sent me a picture. Damn! I could NOT believe the weight she’d put on. She was also addicted to pain killers. She was also an alcoholic who had been to rehab twice. Ex looked old and worn out. He is 1 year older than me.

When they asked about Son and what he did, ex was quite impressed. Mentioned that he was very happy to see that Son seemed settled, was independent and a good head on his shoulders. Female scowled and said that was probably because of my family support. She was quite the bitch. Son’s gf put her in her place by telling her “Islandgal did an awesome job raising him without any help – unlike some who enable their children. Let’s also remember she had NO FINANCIAL SUPPORT from you” (with her eyes trained on ex, who looked like he wanted to stop the world and get off, at that point).

Son and ex will continue to see eachother – Son has no interest in getting to know female or 32yr old bludger of a half brother. Son has 1 more brother to meet which will be this Friday – hopefully this brother is a lot more sensible.

There’s much more but this is turning into a novel..I’ll update when I can again..