6am drop off
Well DH is back to 3rd shift this week and low and behold this is the first morning he is coming home at 7:15am after working all night. BM texted him a few weeks ago telling him she is starting a new job this morning and could she drop them by on the way to her new job because she starts early. I never heard another word about this.
Last night before DH left for work, I asked if he ever got back with BM about them getting dropped off, he said, "I said sure" No times, nothing.
So this morning, I'm in the shower at 6am and my phone is blowing up. I finish my shower and check my phone, it's DH leaving messages and texts that the girls are outside and the doors are locked.
I went down and opened the door, they were back in BM's car waiting for me to open the door.
I said to DH, Did you know they were coming at 6am? Did BM tell you this?? He proceeded to read me the riot act for locking the front and back doors before I went to bed last night, he texted, "Why would you lock the door when you have a .45 and a dog?" I said, "so I should sleep with a gun on my chest because maybe your ex-wife might be dropping your kids off at 6am so I can leave the doors open??"
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Pshhh.... BM dropping kids
Pshhh.... BM dropping kids off at 6Am is reason enough to get an extra dog, keep the .45 on your chest, AND lock the doors...
This is why I make DH get EXACT times for everything... Because I don't wanna deal with the vagueness anymore.
I tried before I went to bed,
I tried before I went to bed, I didn't know if or when they were getting dropped off, the bus comes at 8am. I told him, your lack of communication effects ME, you know that person who is actually in the house, The one who is affected by your and BMs decisions!
Are you also supposed to
Are you also supposed to shower with the .45?
Maybe I should give it to the
Maybe I should give it to the dog while I shower, that way I never have to lock the doors!
Doggie Patrol to the rescue.
Doggie Patrol to the rescue.
Wow....everything about this
Wow....everything about this is so wrong! Not asking you if you will watch the girls for a couple of hours....yelling at you for locking your doors....yelling at you.
I’d be pissed! No way would I accept that behavior. Nope.
I’d tell him his kids are only at his house when he is HOME.
It just goes to show me that
It just goes to show me that no matter what, BM and she skid marks will ALWAYS come first, he will ALWAYS revert back to defending them and seeing fault with me.
Blended families don't blend. It's me and my kids against you and yours, ALWAYS!
So sorry. Big hugs. When he
So sorry. Big hugs.
When he teaches you who he is, believe him.
WTF? Did you agree to watch
WTF? Did you agree to watch them until they get on the bus? Will this be a regular thing? It's time he tells bm to find her own flippin babysitter-her family, before care..not your problem. THat is INSANE!
I texted him this better not
I texted him this better not be a regular thing, no answer. She lives about an HOUR away from this new job, there is no way in hell she is going to be able to get them to school on her days and to work on time. My idiot Husband has probably agreed to take them every morning, I have no idea. Thing is, the oldest one is almost 13, so they could be dropped off with me not being home, this is probably what he is thinking.
I am so glad that we never
I am so glad that we never lived close enough to BM for her to just drop off my SD. That would not have gone over well.
I'm stunned he questioned you
I'm stunned he questioned you locking the doors to your home when you were going to be alone. At night. Asleep.
Just stunned.
I can't get over that,
I can't get over that, either. DH double and sometimes triple checks that our doors are locked. :?
I think it’s totally awesome
I think it’s totally awesome that you were in the shower and she had to wait outside. Now, go join a gym and have 6 a.m. spin or Zumba or kickboxing classes! Be sure to lock the door on your way out. This is so not your problem.
That's what made me most mad,
That's what made me most mad, he actually was pissed that I locked the doors! He left for work at 9pm and got home at 7:15am, I should sit all night with unlocked doors, because maybe his kids might get dropped off?? Seriously?? he's still sleeping so we have yet to talk about it, but knowing him nothing will be said, or he will just start scrolling through his texts looking for a way to blame me. I'm soooo over it.
It sounds like he's the type
It sounds like he's the type who will allow situations to become an issue simply because he sucks at communicating.
Next time I would have said to him: "so you and BM made sure that her drop off time coincides with you getting off shift, because if it's earlier than that I will need a heads up!"
I know we shouldn't have to do this, but if this is what needs to happen to keep him in check of his blaming and at least gives you a heads up then I would just do it.
I would present your husband
I would present your husband with 4 options.
1. He finishes work early to be there to look after the kids
2. BM pays you $20/hour to look after the kids on her time
4. Visitation schedule is formally changed and child support adjusted so that skids spend school nights at your house.
3. BM sorts her s**t out and arrangess her own child care/work schedule that does not rely on you or your household or she moves them to a school that she can get them to on time herself.
I would also tell your husband in no uncertain terms that if he would like your assistance looking after the kids that you need to be asked at least one week in advance if you can and want to do it (outside of emergencies). If the kids are going to be in your presence ( but you will not be the sole adult responsible for them) that you require at least 24 hours notice (outside of emergencies). If he does not respect this you will make yourself unavailable and will not be able to help.
Until you set your boundaries and limits and enforce them you will continue to be used.
skater, grow your spine
skater, grow your spine today. This is absurd. You should explain to him how absolutely ridiculous and insane suggesting you sleep with unlocked doors to accomodate his EX WIFE's problems during HER parenting time.
He would eat dog poop for days.
How often does he work 3rd shift arriving after the kids would be dropped off? She needs to find a solution during her parenting time that's not her exh helping her out OR you.
Compromising your safety for
Compromising your safety for their convenience - DH wins the Douche of the Day award for this one. If it is such a problem he won't mind having the kids dropped off to him at work and if he suggests giving them a house key poke him with something pointy.
Valkyrie, I read that and
Valkyrie, I read that and spewed water across my desk! LOL
This would be enough for me
This would be enough for me to be out of the freakin' house by 5:55am. DH can bloody well pick them up on his was home from work. If he cannot be there to watch them, they need to be in daycare from the time BM drops them off until DH picks them up. What a poopie head!!
We live in a very quiet neighborhood. So what? We still lock the house and cars when we're AT HOME. Sheesh.
And if you were to leave it
And if you were to leave it unlocked and some evil soul happened upon you, he’d curse you for leaving the door unlocked for the precious kids to find you killed in the shower.
What a jerk. Disengage and don’t look back. Tell him next time, BM and her precious spawn will wait until he gets home to unlock the door for them.
I would not have a problem
I would not have a problem with the kids arriving at 6am. I am always up for quite awhile by then and I'd rather know the kids would be inside and safe. It's only an hour and you should be able to go about your morning doing your usual routine. The 13yr old can oversee the younger. Dad and BM can pay her to do so and supply the cereal and milk.
The one is old enough you could leave for a morning jog or the gym or whatever. You don't need to really babysit, just provide the inside safe place to be.
What I would have issues with is how your idiot DH went about this. You should have been asked and given a chance to agree under your conditions ( example: 1. An expected time within ten minutes, 2. Prior discussion with skids as to how this is going to work between 6am and Dad's arrival at 7:15am, come in, stay in family room or kitchen, quietly read or study and clean up cereal breakfast. )
You have a dog and gun? WTF? After that stupidity, even if I had been willing to open up my home at 6am, I'd probably now change my mind.
My biggest issue is just
My biggest issue is just that, how hard is it to give at least an estimated time on when they'd be there instead of just "the morning" and expecting you to magically be ready for whenever that decided to be...
The issue isn't even the drop
The issue isn't even the drop off, not entirely. It's that he didn't know or didn't tell me when they were being dropped off, then when I wasn't available to unlock the door, I'm the bad guy, he actually texted, "WHY ARE THE DOORS LOCKED!?!? THANKS!!!"
Change the locks and lock him
Change the locks and lock him out too!!! And when he’s trying to unlock the door, discharge the .45. Not at him but just to scare the crap out of him.
Text him back CUZ MY LIFE IS
Text him back
CUZ MY LIFE IS WORTH SAVING!!!! COMMON SENSE IS TO LOCK THE DOORS AT NIGHT!!!! DUH
Hon, I live in a rural area
Hon, I live in a rural area in the middle of nowhere and we have home invasions where the residents are beaten and robbed during broad daylight. The thugs are usually from a city about 50 miles away.
I always keep my doors locked during the day time also. Go with what you know.
The puSS* couldn't take the
The puSS* couldn't take the heat the ex dished at him for not being available the moment the precious cherubs needed to be dropped off doncha know? I hope you rip him a new one. Not much gets to me but this was just IDIOTIC on his part.
Remind this guy that people,
Remind this guy that people, who sleep with a gun and have unlocked doors, use the gun. If you leave your door unlocked and sleep with a gun, and aren't expecting expecting someone, you shoot the intruder. So, by his reasoning, the unexpected arrival of the girls means you would have shot them.
So instead of locking the
So instead of locking the door, your DH wants anyone who walks in to be attacked by the dog and shot by you? What if you were still asleep and BM walked in the house. Dog is barking, there's a stranger in your dark home and you shoot. What if it hit one of the skids? My God, your DH is dense.
IF BM walks into your house
IF BM walks into your house uninvited... I hope the dog at least gives her a good scare. UGH!
But seriously. You don't have a gun (or at least you shouldn't...) unless 1) You know how to use it 2) It's for protection (or hunting... I like my deer and elk... lol) and 3) you're willing to use it should the need arise.... So logically you would have had to shoot if someone showed up in the house... They invade and how the heck are you supposed to know that it's BM and the Skids and not some crazy mugger???
"Next time, use your words
"Next time, use your words like a big-boy and I will know when the kids are arriving and have the door unlocked. I'm not going to leave the house unlocked, end of discussion."
Oh so you get to eat sh!t
Oh so you get to eat sh!t because you didn't read his mind?
I'd tell DH that since HE agreed to the kids being there early, that he'd better be home for it, because I (you) have sh!t to do and won't be put out because of their arrangement.
Oh wow. I feel for you,
Oh wow. I feel for you, Skatermom! This would infuriate me! I am at a loss for words...you are his wife, not his nanny...my husband and I had to have too many talks to count for this to sink into his brain. So angering! And the part about him upset that you locked the door before you went to bed? Ludicrous!
Please keep us posted on how you ended up handling this. It is just NOT OK!