O/T- lots of divorces
A large number of our friends and acquaintances are getting divorced. Five couples that we know are separated and two are in counselling deciding if they want to stay married.
They are all in their late 40s, early 50s and they are all first marriages. Their kids grew up and they decided they didn't want to be married anymore.
I'm finding it very surprising. One couple in particular are a shock. I really thought that they had a great relationship but apparently not.
DH thinks that there are other people involved in a few of the break ups and I have to agree that may be the case.
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I had several people I went
I had several people I went to high school, they were only children or the youngest child, with parents that divorced shortly after their graduations. They were just staying together for the children.
I would venture to guess that
I would venture to guess that at least some of those couples have been living separate lives for a while. I do sometimes wonder why people stay together for their kids, if they know they're so unhappy that they'll only split when their kids are adults. In those cases, I think a) either the kids know that their parents are not happy and wish they would just split already or b) their kids are more traumatized when their parents split as adults, because that makes it seem as if their happy childhood lives were all a lie.
Another question - do all of these couples know one another? I think sometimes divorce can be "contagious" among close friends. For example, DH said that he knew that BM was going to want a divorce when a bunch of her friends started getting divorced. DH and BM had been unhappy for years, but he wanted to stay together "for the kids". He said that as soon as her friends started getting divorced, it became acceptable for her to do so. She was one who gave everyone in the outside world the impression that their marriage and family was perfect, while behind closed doors it was a nightmare. Essentially, you never really know what's going on in someone's house.
I'm now at the age where it seems like I know an equal amount of single, married, and divorced people. Some of the divorces - including one from a close friend - were very surprising. In her case, she met someone else, but I also think that she and her husband got married young and essentially grew apart.
Yes, some of them are in the
Yes, some of them are in the same social group. That's an interesting point that I hadn't thought of to be honest.
DH stayed with BM when he was desperately unhappy just because no one in his large extended family had ever divorced. Some of his Aunts and Uncles were obviously unhappy, in bad marriages, some abusive but leaving wasn't an option.
He just spent more and more time at work. Leaving at 7am, getting home after 9pm and then doing odd jobs for friends and family on the weekends, or taking the kids out alone.
He said if BM hadn't asked for the separation and divorce he probably would have stayed till SS graduated HS.
My DH was the same way. He
My DH was the same way. He had accepted that he was miserable with BM, but wanted to stay married for the kids. I don't think DH ever would have filed for divorce. He just would have been unhappy for life.
My grandparents could divorce
My grandparents could divorce tomorrow and I wouldn't be surprised. However I think most of those around them would be.
Honestly I think they only reason they stay together is for image / it's easier.
They've not shared a room in many years. They spend excessive amounts of time apart. My grandmother is hiding things from my grandfather including smoking and gambling. My grandfather was aware of some of the gambling and when he cut her off she took a job under the disguise of staying with her daughter so she could continue to fund her gambling.
When we get together as a family there are odd comments that you can tell there's issues.
However all of these things aren't apparent unless you are REALLY close to the family. Look at grandma's face book and you see tons of pictures of them together at the seniors center. A lot of family stuff. Whatever but that's not what's going on behind closed doors.
My mother's grandparents were
My mother's grandparents were like that, although I do wonder if they might have divorced if the time had been different and if they had not been Catholic.
When my mother was in high school, another student said something to her about how a classmates mother was "so-and-so's girlfriend", not sure if this person knew or not that "so-and-so" was my mother's grandfather. My mother has never told any of her siblings about this. I don't think any of them would have been surprised, because their grandparents had separate rooms for as long as they had known them, but my mother decided she wasn't going to tell anyone else (least of all her mother, although I'm sure my grandmother knew about it, they lived in a small town and my grandmother knew almost everyone who lived in that town).
I don't think this all that
I don't think this all that diffent from single parents who decide not to marry or live with someone until their kids are adults.
Some people simply do not want their kids to grow up in a step situation.
Maybe this reason but a lot
Maybe this reason but a lot of people (especially women) only focus on the parenting role and don't nurture their marriage. The same can go for men not making marriage the priority.
I think that a lot of
I think that a lot of marriages have a time limit.
People grow apart and find new interests and they end up not being a couple anymore. Both going their own ways and doing their own thing.
I'm pretty sure that if it was financially viable my Mom and stepdad would separate.
I know they loved each other a great deal when they met and for the first 10 - 15 years. They've been together for 26 years, married for 22 and in these last few years they don't seem to talk to each other, they bicker.
He goes out with his old boys, she goes out with her Red Hatters.
They still sleep together but he goes to bed at 9, she goes to bed at midnight.
I think they are just tired of each other but are at an age where they are used to each other too.