vilifying my wife.  After SS aged out from under the CO, the toxicicity shifted to him for a few years.

4 years later, SS asked me to adopt him.   SpermGrandHag floored me when she told SS congratulations on the adoption and that she is happy that he has had a good father figure in his life.

A few years later... she told SS that his mom was the best woman that her idiot son (the Spermidiot) had ever been with and that the Hag wished that SS's three younger half sibs by two other baby mamas had been his mom's kids too.

Yes, even dipshits of monumental toxic proportions can eventually have some clarity banged into their deficient grey matter with frequent forceful impacts to their skulls.

SS just laughed in the SpermGrandHag;s face and told her that his mom was too smart to have much else to do with the Spermidiot and the only reason she had ever been with the Spermidiot was that he was a perve and she was underage .

SpermGrandHag apparently just shrugged at that point.

I'm almost 10 years into my marriage and at first I was waiting for the other shoe to drop to figure out why DH and BM really got divorced because obviously I only got one side of the story.

Over time I have just realized that BM is a POS and my DH is still present great and tries hard to be a good husband and provider. She really made a mistake cheating on him and letting him go. In fact BM's current husband seems to be a lot like the younger gangster wannabe version of DH. Obviously DH and his tastes in women have evolved but BM hasn't. When you're 17 rocking a baseball cap and oversized Nikes is a look but when you're 40 it is not cute anymore.

I've come to the conclusion over time that even though my husband looks like a bad boy I don't think he ever actually was one! LOL! I even joke that he is Mr safety. Maybe that was BM's problem with him.

I've never understood why our late BM let DH go.  The father of her kids, a good provider, funny, sensible, sweet, generous.  It would have been so easy to keep him (food, bed, lol), not to mention his attachment to the kids.  Oh well.  

BM used to send DH texts reminiscing about their marriage. This was after he met me and it was clear that this was a long-term relationship. BM was remarried at the time, but still used DH for emotional support. She would always try to set up situations where he had to choose between me or her (not the kids, things like dropping his plans because she made plans and needed him to take skids...which she tried to do on my birthday weekend (she knew it was my birthday), Valentine's Day, our anniversary, etc). BM easily could have kept DH because he's loyal to a fault (even to those who don't deserve his loyalty) and didn't want his kids to have a "broken home" (it was already broken because BM abused him for years). BM was always looking for something better. DH has a blue collar job...highly skilled and well paying, but BM felt it was beneath her (he was already in the profession when they met, so not sure why she was annoyed by it later). When she met exH #2 she repeatedly told DH he was a "successful businessman"...turns out he was just a fraud (kind of like BM). He was also a "beautiful, beautiful man", as BM told DH during their divorce mediation. Then eight years later she told SS, "he's not the man I thought he was" and started dating someone who is in a low-skilled blue collar job (well below DH's job in terms of skills). That guy is now gone, too and BM was dating a used car salesman, according to SSs. For DH and BM, I don't think it was ever a love match...I think they both had low self-esteem (both had weight loss surgery after getting married) and felt that when they met in their mid to late 20s that they needed to get married because that's what you do when you are in your mid 20s. DH had also recently lost his dad unexpectedly (I think he might have met BM within months of his dad's passing) and no one told him that you should never make any big life decisions while grieving. 

She needed a lot of attention and wasnt getting it from Husband.

I can see why she cheated. Hes not really attentive. But hes steady, and father of her children.

Cheaters never trade up...

BM also made a mistake cheating on BF and letting him go, but she forgets that small tidbit when playing the victim.  As the other posters have noted, BM could have kept BF because he is loyal too....Her BF went back to his wife and she always tells my BF "You're not the man I fell in love with," and told the court "He is not the man I married!"   Duh, you're divorced!

On that topic my position was that I had been married to her, what could possibly make her think I would want to date her?