Well things my never change!

So this weekend SS had a foot ball game and my future in-laws all came, MIL, DIL, SIL and her new guy. Also my parents were there. Well my parents, I and SO and SS all planned to go to dinner to celebrate my b-day that is today. Early birthday dinner. My mom asked if she should invite them as no one knew they were coming to his game I said I do not care. Everyone came along. Well SIL and new guy came to our house after the game because we had to wait for SO to do his concession duty. SS wanted to ride with SIL. All great they walk off to their car and I got a ride with my parents. They beat us back.

Fast forward later to when we are ready to leave I notice SS8 get in the front seat of the her car because he wanted to ride with her to dinner. I yell and so does SO when we both see he is about to ride int he front seat of her car to get in the back seat.

After SO asks him why he was trying to ride in the front seat as that is a huge big NO rule. We have also told everyone else his family and mine that he is not allowed in the front seat it is not safe at all. Turn out after the football game he asked his Aunt to sit up front and she just said OK.

WTF....so for everyone who had beat on me about how she was the Mom figure and parented this little boy well obviously not because any well informed adult knows the recommended age is 12. I Have no idea what was going through her head to listen to an 8 year old over two grown adults. I was pissed but I let SO handle it because I still feel it is not my place to say stuff to his family yet. She loves her nephew and cares about him. I have seen it for over a year now she cared more about him liking her the best and making sure he was just always happy. She did that by not saying no to him, spoiling him with tons of gifts all the time, and letting him do things that really are not right for an 8 year old to do. Like watch movies that are way too mature for him or tv shows. Yes aunt's do that stuff mine did too. I still think she thinks in her mind she knows what is best for SS because she feels like she was his kinda mom. Well if you really felt that way and thought like that why on earth do you think do things that are dangerous is OK. Her excuse was she was confused on the rule.

BullS**t.

Sorry rant having a crap day today.

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Well you know now that SIL

Well you know now that SIL ignores you and SO regarding rules and laws... why do you still allow the kid then to drive with her, next time smile and say

No sorry Hon, you are driving with us.... end of discussion. If SIL needs an answer smile and say - cause you can't adhere to the law and out rules, that's why

That will happen next time.

That will happen next time. This is the first time SO and I saw this since we laid down the rule. Usually we see him climb it the back seat. Now that we both know pretty sure he will be riding with us.

Letting him ride in the front

Letting him ride in the front seat doesn't take away from her feeling or acting in a maternal way. It just means she was/is bad at it.

Like Acra said, your SO stops the behavior by not allowing SS to ride or be alone with her. Otherwise he is just sending the message to her that he trusts her judgment when it comes to his son.

True, he did talk to her

True, he did talk to her again. I think it will be a while now. She is bad at it. I am not perfect but really it is pretty common knowledge kids under certain age should not ride in the front seat.

I know a lot of people that

I know a lot of people that take the "well, we did it when we were young and didn't die" attitude. Like my husband's niece who posted video of her one year old sitting in front of daddy on his dirt bike as he drives around the yard with no helmet. Or my OSD who lets her 10 month old ride his motorized 4 wheeler with no helmet (yeah.. he can't walk yet.. but can ride this.smdh.) It's battery powered and doesn't go fast, but still.

Even my husband wasn't great about that stuff. He tells me the story where he had his younger daughter in his truck and he got pulled over and he said she was 5 and didn't need to be in a car seat. (back before the booster seat days)... as they pulled away, she said.. "Daddy, you KNOW I am only FOUR". But she was smart enough to not say that till the cop was gone...lol.

I mean, every now and then, I am sure parents do things that they have to do that may not be 100% safe, but they do it. Like my neighbor that had an infant and a 2 yo. She would leave them in her locked car when she went in to the gas station. It's only for 2 minutes right? Unsafe, but taking two kids out of all their safety equipment was just too much for her at times.

This.

I know we all do things. It

I know we all do things. It was also that it was said he is not allowed. Explained to her what our state law says and the guidelines that they state on the state website. That was IDK almost a year ago after he turned 8 when his whole family thought because he is old enough to be out of a booster he can now sit up front. NO! SO dealt with all of it not me.

SS also got in trouble too for even asking and doing it because we have told him he is not allowed to ride in the front seat no matter what anyone says.

If it has been a year and SS

If it has been a year and SS asked, SIL could have thought that it was okay now. Or she just didn't think it all the way through. There are plenty of times when people say "yes" to something without thinking through all the ramifications. This could easily be one of those instances.

I agree. That is why SS also

I agree. That is why SS also got into trouble and all the blame is not on the Aunt.

Had she been drinking or

Had she been drinking or doing drugs?

What's common knowledge to

What's common knowledge to some isn't common knowledge to others. Or they don't see the severity of the situation.

Smokers know smoking is bad for them, but they continue to do it. People speed, use their phones, eat, drink, etc while driving even though they know it's risky and increases their likelihood of getting in a crash. Parents know to move silverware away from a toddler at dinner as they know a kid may poke their eye out with the fork or stab themselves with the knife. That last one was something I never thought about and put my wrapped silverware near a friend's toddler at a wedding. My DH and friend immediately snatched the silverware up and my DH asked me what I was thinking. I've never had a toddler and it just never occurred to me; to them, though, it was a hazard that they couldn't understand why anyone wouldn't know.

I'm not approving of what she did. I'm just saying don't be so quick to judge her or pull out the "see, I was right" card. Yes, in this instance you are right, but there will be others where she may be right and you may be wrong. It's fine to be upset with her, but be careful with the holier-than-thou attitude that comes across (intentional or not) with this post. People will remember and won't be kind in the future.

THIS^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

I have a 7 year old and had

I have a 7 year old and had no clue that the recommendation is no child under the age of 13 should ride in the front seat. I actually just had to google it. I saw a couple of BS7 friends show up for school in their parent's cars last year riding in the front seat. Not saying it's right and not saying I would do it, but just saying that even I as a mother to a little boy that I love beyond any explanation, had no clue what the rule was.

I mean is it such a stretch to believe her when she said she was confused about the rule? It seems like you are nitpicking and trying to find anything you can use against her to make her look awful. :?

It is not a stretch when she

It is not a stretch when she was informed of the safety regulations less than a year ago.

Maybe I am wrong to think it is common knowledge. I am not nitpicking on this one. This was flat out ignoring what So had said and trying to just spoil an 8 year old child so that he likes her more. She is way better than she use to be and some stuff she does I ignore and so does SO like watching crap tv at her house. This instance was very different.

If I am letting SO handle it and only venting on here about it and not really saying much to anyone else how am I making her look awful?

I'm trying to understand why

I'm trying to understand why this has upset you so much. Are you worried that Auntie's lax rules will make the kid like you lessr? Are you angry that she's not doing what you tell her to? Are you afraid that if you don't tear apart all the other caretakers of this boy that you will be less "needed" in that part of your boyfriend's life?

Relax. You're working yourself up for no reason. Your boyfriend, I assume, isn't with you to be mommy to this kid and he loves you for who you are.

I do not think the kid will

I do not think the kid will like me lesser. I am not insecure with all this I really am not and I will not engage in who he likes better pissing contest. I do think she has tried that herself by going over the top with gifts and what not. I never played.

I am not trying to tear anyone apart just stop saying that you sound like a broken record. I am simply mad about it and I am venting on here I never said anything to anyone else and SO handled it.

His safety was the concern nothing else.

I only mentioned the

I only mentioned the popularity contest between you and the aunt because you brought it up a couple of times. I was trying to reassure you that kids are weird and will like one person one day and another person next week. It is no reflection on you as a life partner or caregiver.

I know and I get that. I was

I know and I get that. I was only concerned for his safety in this situation and sit there amused sometimes about how this woman who so desperately at one point probably just wanted SS as her own sometimes really makes some bad calls. The biggest reason for that is because as Aunts (I am one) we do not have to deal with the consequences nearly as much as the actual parents.

No I am not his actual parent but he is our home 24/7 so I do have to deal with it to some extent when she makes decisions that are totally opposite from what SO and I do. Generally it is little stuff I role my eyes at and let go this one I let SO deal with it. It just made me mad. At her and and SS for breaking the only rule we have when he is with other people.

hanging head in shame

hanging head in shame lol.....

Deigma's car stool was on the front seat, since 1 year old..... and then one day some one told me, it's against the law, no children under the age of 12 is allowed in the front seat, and that's on Mars... can you imagine the shit I had to go through with him age 9 being demoted to the back seat }:) }:) }:)

it's a recommendation and not

it's a recommendation and not a law, right?

My kids are adults now, and these recommendations did not exist when they were little.

Hell, based on today's recommendations, my MOM should be using a booster seat

Yes it is a recommendation

Yes it is a recommendation and not a law. If you go by height my g-mom is just barely allowed to ride in the front seat. SO and I both have this as a rule and have now since he was out of a booster. We have asked those who take him to follow the rule. I think it is crap she was confused she just wanted to spoil him. Usually SO is ok with that and so am I but not this time. Not at all.

so then SIL didn't really do

so then SIL didn't really do anything wrong, correct??

Other than ignore your wishes, that is. Which people are going to do. I don't think it's a hill to die on, to be honest.

I am not just venting.

I agree. I think since it

I agree. I think since it has been almost a year since the original instructions were given and there have been a lot of changes, it's fine to not "ream her out" about it, but to remind her and SS that the rules are still the same.. he rides in the back seat.

She made a stupid decision.

She made a stupid decision. Doesn't take away from the fact that she loves him and has done a lot of stuff for him. Seems a little bit like you are happy that she made a stupid decision so that you can hold it over her and be "right". If you are going to marry this man, his sister is going to be in his life forever. I'd really think about the stuff you want to be mad about. If everyone can get along and not be so resentful and what not it will be better in the long run.

I get that you are venting but I'm trying to give you some real advice (from experience) to really think about all the stuff you are going to find to be mad about over the years.

I agree and I have gotten a

I agree and I have gotten a lot better about letting things go with her. This one I will be mad at for a little while. I know she ignores SO and me when it comes to some stuff with SS. Plenty of aunt's do that. This one no go. If anything ever happened I am the one that will be dealing with the outcome from it all. I live with both of them she doesn't.

But I do get your point. Thank You.

I believe that your

I believe that your intentions are good and that you have a generous heart.

However, it really comes across like you are trying to disparage everything this woman does when it comes to a kid who does not belong to you and is blood to her.

When my kids were little, I didn't feed them sugar. When they were with my mom or my SIL, they got fed sugar. It was my "rule" and they broke it. Did I get mad? Nope. And that's where you need to be - people are not going to parent (and remember, you are not this kid's parent) the way that your DH does, and that's okay.

Like zero says above, you seem kinda giddy about what you perceive as breaking the law...

Is this how you want to live your life with this man? Trust me, there will be tons of stuff worth fighting about over the course of your eventual stepmotherhood. Choose wisely, otherwise you will the hammer to which everything looks like a nail.

I get what you are saying but

I get what you are saying but there was not fight no argument SO sent her text asking what happened and her storied matched SS and SO reminded her again that the rule is he rides in the back seat. Sugar, Ice Cream, bad TV all very different from my point of view than a child riding in the front seat when is not suppose to and it is more a safety concern instead of a sugar high.

" I yell and so does SO when

" I yell and so does SO when we both see he is about to ride int he front seat of her car to get in the back seat." I feel like maybe your initial reaction wasn't quite as calm and relaxed as a quick text convo. I very much get the feeling that maybe you are looking for things to fault the aunt about as you were the one to notice the seating arrangements. It's not a matter of why you are so unforgiving about her but why? My heart hurts for you that you are feeling so much pressure about this.

My heart hurts for her, too.

OP you are putting waaaaaaay too much pressure on yourself about this. Let dad worry about these things, it is literally not your problem, honey.

Stop trying to find fault and focus on being happy

Happy birthday! Here's the

Happy birthday!

Here's the thing - every single person will engage with SS in their own way, and that way will not be ideal.

For the things that matter, SO should be reviewing the 'rules' each time. Like when he leaves SS with a babysitter. I'm sure he goes over how he can be reached, what's for dinner, what the bedtime routine is, what to do if SS is upset in the night, what TV is allowed, etc. He doesn't just open the door to a new babysitter and say, "Great, see you at midnight!"

If car safety is a question, answer it before things have a chance to go south.

I doubt she was confused, she

I doubt she was confused, she probably lets the kid ride in the front all the time and "I didn't know the safety regulation" sounds better than "your rule is silly so I haven't been following it" when put on the spot.

Yeah that is kinda what I was

Yeah that is kinda what I was thinking but SO believes his sister. I told him I doubt that was true.

Let it go. As someone that

Let it go. As someone that still owns a single cab pickup I can assure you that neither one of my children have ever spontaneously combusted being so close to the windshield. If it is that big of a deal to you then drill it into ss's head that he needs to be the responsible party to get in the back seat and not even ask.

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Well things my never change!

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