Do Full vs. Half siblings change the dynamcs of being included in SKid events?
Happycampers post got me thinking, particularly this portion about the sibling.
"It's senior family pics for the football program. SD invited mom, dad and sibling to be in the pic with her."
I don't know where the sibling comes from. Is the sibling full or half? It would not sit well with me to not be included, but allow my child, half-sibling, to be paraded around with DH and the BM in a ceremony or family pics. Essentially it would make it look as though BM is the mom of my child. Or that DH was the father of BMs child, half-sibling, if that's the case. Does anyone else have thoughts on this? Does this change the rights of who SKids can choose to include or exclude regarding events like this?
I would fully expect my DH to tell SD "If you are not including your brother's mother (SM), then he will not be participating either". My DH does not want BM anywhere around our children, and would be especially uncomfortable without me close by our children in a situation like this.
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HappyCamper's skids are both
HappyCamper's skids are both BM and DH's children. Did you miss where the skids were over at BM's and BM and skids were skyping with Dad who was home sitting next to HappyCamper watching a movie?
No one is 'borrowing' HappyCamper's biological children and running off to play 'family' with BM.
So are you saying your skid can never be in a photo with you, Dad and your children because somebody might think you are also stepkid's mother? Or that you'd have to invite BM over to be in the picture too with stepkid because she'd be uncomfortable for you to be in a photo with her child/children without her being close by?
IMO, you're borrowing unneeded stress into your life sitting there fretting over what if's. The odds of BM , Dad , your kid and the stepkid posing for photos are really pretty slim. This is some kind of sports program , Probably a fund raiser publicity stunt ('get your photo in the program and then buy the program handout')and unless your in middle/high school sports no one gives a fig.
I seriously doubt a (for example) 15yr old teen is going to invite their 3yr old little half sister/brother to come with Dad and pose with BM in a football program booklet. What then? They all go out to lunch with Dad and Auntie BM?
I think the most you'll have to worry as to photos over the years for your family is graduations, weddings and the like. Yeah, you'd be there (or I hope the relations are good and you'd be invited) and appropriate photos would be the half siblings together (minus parents), half siblings together with just Dad, or half siblings together with Dad and you or occasionally *we* hear of group photos where parents and stepparents act the adult and everybody is in a few photos.
I doubt BM wants to claim your bio-kids as her children anymore than you want to claim her children (the skids) as your own children.
That argument is not the same
That argument is not the same because including SD in my pictures or a ceremony is because I am married to her father, so she is my family.
My Bio is in no way related (bio or marriage) to the SDs BM so being included in things with that BM doesn't make sense.
I'm talking about a SD who might say I want my siblings but not my SM included. Not happening.
Until they all reach the age
Until they all reach the age of 18...then they do as they please. Eighteen year old adult siblings (half or whole) do not need Mommy's permission.
It's best to not think of a child as a personal possession controlling very fraction of an inch of their extended family relationships. I believe it's healthy to promote siblings relationships....it's not an argument , it's my opinion. You don't have to agree with it. Just keep in mind that your own child/children may come to resent you if you treat their biological sibling (half or whole) as an unwanted second class citizen stranger *shrugs*.
No one is suggesting you be good with BM playing family with your kid...however it's not the children's fault two different women decided to have children with the same man. Don't punish siblings for considering themselves family together regardless of whether they have the same mother. I seriously doubt your skids BM is hanging around dying to play Mommy to you kid...it's a 30 sec photo snap. Go if you insist, act like some cootie is going to jump off to touch your kid. Meh, whatever . I honestly did not read that BM invited your kid and your husband over to skids birthday party where they plan to take happy family BM Mommy of all the kiddie photos.
I don't do 'what ifs', I face life as it comes. I also don't shelter my children as if they will forget in twenty minutes I'm the Mommy. For your sake I sincerely hope your skid doesn't ask their half sibling to be a participant in their wedding party.
I don't think my statement
I don't think my statement that I consider SD my family and include her in family events and photos is treating her second class, but ok.
I'm speaking hypothetically based on how some posters have mentioned how their SKids exclude them as the SM. So I was trying to get perspective on if anyone experienced being excluded, but their bios were asked to be included.
Yes at 18 they can do as they please. My bios are 9+ years younger than their half sister so there very well could be a "what if" possibility of being in SDs wedding as minors so I'll probably have to be there to get them ready.
Are pictures really that
Are pictures really that important? I know I fell for the same stuff, but got older. Who looks at pictures ? Wedding pictures get displayed
Wedding pictures cost a small fortune so I can see some important to them. And that another subject. But pictures at some high school event in a week that will be gone.
Saying that, still will not have picture of ex in my home.
Here is a real gem, my ex h
Here is a real gem, my ex h mother was taking pics of the family and our second to youngest son when he was a newborn. She asked me to scoot over for a shot so I moved closer, but she motioned the other direction. I scooted the other way to make room for the other kids but she just snapped a pic with my ex and our son. She literally went out of her way to exclude me from my own family snapshot. Next time we went there it was an 8x10 on the wall.
I was in zero pictures.
I was in zero pictures.
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What's wrong with her wanting
What's wrong with her wanting a picture of her child and grandchild?
I'm sure that picture was one of many. Unless she excluded you from all of the pictures, what she did seems pretty normal
I was excluded from all
I was excluded from all pictures. There were 4 pictures on the wall, each of her children and their families. In our frame was that picture. Not our other children, not me. I don't know why.
Yup, agreed. No way in hell
Yup, agreed. No way in hell will there ever be a picture of just BM, SS, DH and my BD. Just DH, SS and BD? Sure.
Senior Football family
Senior Football family photos?
I think I have heard it all now.
I think it boils down to what
I think it boils down to what is the norm in your neck of the words.
Graduation from preschool on up is the norm here in NYC. I grew up with this so I think it's odd when I hear people complain about it.
On the other hand, I think junior proms and all this hoopla over senior pictures,football...pictures are nuts. We don't have junior prom. Year book pictures are only for the student and most schools schedule them during the school day.
It's interesting to see how norms vary around the country.
All the stuff is such a
All the stuff is such a joke.
The photographer is laughing their rears off flying to the bank too.
Same thing with Senior "Packages" for photos, key chains, shirts, hoodies, MUGS, omg some parents got suckered into 500.00plus worth of junk for their kids.