OSS school trip drama....
OSS texts me last night asking me to go on this school trip with him to some amusement park. The first thing that I texted was is your mom ok with you asking me and me going with you? He said that is was fine. So DH texted BM last night and she told him that she was fine with me going. This is really out of the norm for BM to drama free about something so I am thinking three things she is being nice because she wants something, she is back on her medication for her bipolar disorder or she has to work and wants us to pay for everything because she doesn't have the money. There is nothing positive about this woman what so ever and a leopard doesn't change it's spots so I am curious to see the aftermath of this school trip?! BM operates like a snake in the grass she is always trying to see what she can get out of people and will stop at nothing to get what she wants. She is also one of the most vindictive people I have ever witnessed in my lifetime. I am going on this field trip solely for OSS and I just hope there is no drama afterward. DH is trying to establish boundaries with BM which is why we are so careful with what he says and does to BM.
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Oh.. sweet baby..
Oh.. sweet baby.. what???
There is no drama here.
BTW.. here is how this should be handled.
DH. Go on the trip with *his son.
I don't see why you would entertain the thought of going if you thought it would be such a landmine. Your step son has two bio parents. One of them should go. You are not one of the bios... you don't go.
So either dad goes.. mom.. or neither. They figure out between them who pays for the fees. voila... no drama.
DH cannot go he has to work
DH cannot go he has to work so should I just not go even though SS asked me to go with him?
Don't you work too? Why
Don't you work too? Why would your take off work instead of his father?
Do all children in the class have to have a chaperone? If not, I would probably save the money and let him go with his friends.
Yes I work but, I have some
Yes I work but, I have some vacation time. I get what you are saying I shouldn't make it my problem since I am not the bio. I am not sure but, for some reason SS wants me to go since BM couldn't he really doesn't get along with my DH. BM made DH out to be the bad guy and SS prefers to be around females.
It depends on who I want to
It depends on who I want to please. But, yes in reality I would only be going to please SS and he would be sitting at home or in school when everyone else in the band got to go except for him.
That is what I was told by
That is what I was told by SS.
So I guess my DH should call
So I guess my DH should call the school?
Yes, I would have your
Yes, I would have your husband call and check. The child is 11 right?
I can't imagine any school making it mandatory for each child to bring a parent. There are so many kids for whom that would be impossible. Their parents don't care, have to work etc...
He is 12. The YSS is 10
He is 12. The YSS is 10
wow.. doubt seriously they
wow.. doubt seriously they need on on one chaperones for a school trip of 12 year olds!
My DH called the school and
My DH called the school and spoke with the band director and he said that I need to fill out a background check form and then he needs to talk to SS band teacher and find out if I am on the school list and I know that BM did not or would not put me on any kind of list for the kids. This is too much trouble especially since it's on such short notice and having to deal with BM and these forms.
All this with such short
All this with such short notice is how you should discuss it with SS. You don't want him thinking you just didn't want to bother with him or that hell, no you don't want to spend a day with him.
He needs to know (especially if he does end up not being allowed by BM to go without you) that it is the process of being approved to go and the short notice. You don't want BM letting the kid think you just blew him off. If kid doesn't get to go and all the rest of the band kids do go, he's going to be upset...you don't want and/or deserve for him to be upset at you. Had you of known sooner and already jumped the school required hoops, Id have gladly taken him. It just didn't work out this time.
or you can email the band
or you can email the band teacher and ask. I emailed my SD13 band teacher and found out she was lying about a trip.
DH is waiting on a call back
DH is waiting on a call back from the band teacher and/or director so most likely I will not be going because I am not going through all of this trouble.
So DH called the school and
So DH called the school and there has to be a background check done and BM didn't put me on the list so yeah.
Yes on the list to volunteer.
Yes on the list to volunteer. It is some background check form to fill out with the admin office you are correct. DH is waiting on the band teacher or director to call him back and see what needs to be done and if it's too much trouble I wont be going any way.
Honestly I really don't want
Honestly I really don't want to go but, I love SS and care about him and yes I want to prove to my DH that I am a good SM. BM I could care less about her opinions.
Are you sure about that? Our
Are you sure about that?
Our PreK students go to Sesame place each year and our 5th graders go to Great Adventures. Many of the parents in both grades go on the trips, but not all. Those kids going without parents have to stay with teachers and/or pares.
Unless there is a behavior or safety issue, we cannot say a child can't go on a trip without a parent.
BM may be refusing to sign
BM may be refusing to sign permission slip to go if she can't find an adult she deems suitable to stay at kid's side. Some BM's have troubles letting go and one of these SSs IIRC had ADHD and the other one autism. Or maybe I'm thinking of wrong member.
Anyway, yes, here the kid can go and be assigned to another adult or teacher. The information and permission here always has a check place where parent marks if he/she intends to go along. They plan amount of busing they'll need and the teachers make up a sheet assigning the non-adult going kids to one who is. Grade school is smaller groups of two or three, middle school is usually four or five and by high school the school is begging for adults to please please please come and gives each going adult like a dozen kids.
I stopped going on fields trips when DD entered middle school (which is here 7 and 8th grade at that time). It wasn't always me going. I sent DH, Aunt and adult niece over the years.
Yes OSS has Asperger's and
Yes OSS has Asperger's and YSS has ADHD.
Be sure you get a school note
Be sure you get a school note laying out the trip and all the requirements (cash needed for child, cash needed for the accompanying adult, when/where to meet bus, sack lunches and/or snacks for bus ride blah blah).
You want no surprises. You want it also known before hand that if anything arises during trip that parent needs to know, you will call/text Dad. Dad can contact BM if need be. BM will not be communicating via your cell all day. Having her child all day at a school event does not give BM permission to come along in your pocket to see how things are going.
Go. Have fun. It may cost Dad a bit of money (him, not you)but most field trips do. If cost is much for SS, perhaps Dad and BM can spilt child's cost. Dad pays for you. You are doing your DH and BM a favor.
My first thought was, BM wants an adult she knows and ( :jawdrop: ) can trust to take care of and watch closely over the kid. She thinks Dad is incapable, she can't herself so as much as this request kicks her pride, you are the candidate. In other words, she needs you more than she hates you, lol.
LOL you are absolutely right
LOL you are absolutely right twoviewpoints. I also thought they do background checks on adults that are going to be at school events with the kids.
We don't do background checks
We don't do background checks at my school. BUT we do not allow parents to go off with groups of students.
ok I was just curious.
ok I was just curious.
If mom has a history of
If mom has a history of causing trouble, thank the kid for inviting you then decline.
Surely dad has a vacation, sick or personal day he could burn to go on the trip with his son.
Get the trip/ chaperone
Get the trip/ chaperone paperwork from SS and see exactly what it says. In any school my kids have ever attended there was a limited amount of chaperones. Not all parents got to go.
Call the school and confirm that you are eligible to go. Many schools (all schools here) require background checks. Here the police department does them for free, but they take time and need to be done in advance.
Don't take SS or BM or DH's word on this. Confirm it yourself or on trip day you could show up and not be allowed on the bus.
I have no idea how old SS is, but if this is a band trip I find it improbable that every child will have an adult.
If the kid invited you, dad
If the kid invited you, dad can't go and Bm gave the Go-Ahead, then I say go. I go with my SS on his field trips. Sometimes DH comes if he can take off work and we never know if BM is going or not. She went to 2 of the four this year so it's a toss up. We email her the info and she ignores. All the parents go with the odd grandparent or stepparent thrown in.