Bad news
Last Monday sd had a drs visit and they couldn't find the heart beat so they did an ultrasound and found that her baby had passed. Dh called me so upset I couldn't understand what he was saying. He wound up hanging up on me and then sending me a text that said what happened. I feel really awful about this. I hated the fact that my husband spent so much time consumed with sd and her baby but I never would have wished this. I haven't seen dh since then except for a few minutes when he comes to get clothes or movies. He has been with sd nonstop and took sick leave, which he has a ton of, and has stayed with sd. I call or text dh and I get short replies. I asked him when he was coming home and he said when sd is better. It's been a week and a day and dh still hasn't gone back to work and i texted him this morning that I would like to see him he said he would take me to dinner tonight but he doesn't want to leave sd alone at night yet. Is this normal and how long should I expect this to last?
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She is an only child and her
She is an only child and her mother passed away. The baby daddy didn't want anything to do with him/her.
My sister lost her first and
My sister lost her first and my dad did take it hard but I can't say just how hard since I didn't see him much around that time.
A year later they tried again and now I have my nephew. When I say the kid saved my father's life I mean it. He was at rock bottom and my mom and I were just waiting to hear he had given up.
Everyone takes it differently. My sister ended up getting a tattoo to help herself. I don't know what dad did.
I would push therapy for sure. Good luvk.
^This^ Dad is the one who is
^This^
Dad is the one who is over-the-line in an enmeshed manner w/SD. Supporting her means helping her with behavior that encourages her to reach outside of the mini-fiefdom he has created. Counseling, support groups for grief/loss, job, place to live, friends, hobbies, something that helps this youngster stand on her own feet. Being gentle with SD for a day or two sounds more appropriate.
He is teaching her that she cannot stand on her own, she cannot handle life, that she cannot make her own decisions --- she is incompetent and emotionally immature without "Daddy/White Knight." He is working to ruin her life. What will happen to SD if DH keeps her emotionally captive and he becomes ill?
I had several miscarriages within the first 3 months and a miscarriage at 4 months. It was heartbreaking. DH was overseas. I lived in the country. I cried on the phone to friends, wrote letters to my lost children and moved on. ('Course, I was older with 10 years of infertility.)
It sounds more and more as if DH is married to SD and you are friend/housemate. Sorry.
^^^^^^this^^^^^^ the loss of
^^^^^^this^^^^^^
the loss of a pregnancy is tragic, but OP's husband needs to help his daughter learn how to survive it and move on.
This dad is waaaaaaaaaaaay too enmeshed with his daughter.
" Is this normal and how long
" Is this normal and how long should I expect this to last?"
First, I am so sorry for Sd's loss, and yes, I'm sure your husband is sincerely grieving the loss of his first grandchild. I would imagine SD is having double grieve. Her child, the loss of Mom being able to be with her, the change in life she made coming home to have this child. I think she needs to grieve at her own pace. When she is ready there are support groups who she may find helpful. She has a lot to work through. She's had two big losses in a roughly short time.
Perhaps soon Dad and you could take her for dinner out together (minus your kids, get them a sitter). Just a short, quiet evening to start facing life again.
I am so sorry for your SD's
I am so sorry for your SD's loss. I am assuming she was past the 12 week mark. This isn't a barely knew for 2 weeks and then a miscarriage. Please try have some patience. There is no normal in this situation.
You're right. There is no
You're right. There is no "normal." I was looking at the situation through "old eyes."
I'm not privy to that
I'm not privy to that information. When I asked if she was going to the hospital I didn't get a response. Dh mostly texts me, good morning and how sd did over night, and goodnight and what kind of day sd had. Yesterday I got Good night Taris, sd had a rough day today, please ask your church group to pray for her and our sweet Angel in Heaven.
I don't believe LadyFace said
I don't believe LadyFace said that relief was the only and correct feeling to have.
It's not horrible to suggest one possible outcome.
Sheesh.
SDs dad is acting like the
SDs dad is acting like the grieving father. Miscarriages are hard..I get it..but she needs support from others who have been through it. Her dad is emotionally crippling her and interfering with her recovery. He is also neglecting his wife, who he should be including with him in supporting his daughter. He is risking his marriage and doesnt seem to give 2 shits. Bloody shameful and a weak ass hubby.