Being defriended on facebook is offensive to some people. Lol wait till u r ready.

I always think it is funny when people use Facebook as a tool to hurt one another or are offended if someone "unfriend" them (I don't think this is what you were doing). I keep my friends list very small, so if we aren't actually friends, or if we have a falling out, I'm going to drop you, not to hurt you, but to keep my information as private as possible.

I've been keeping up with your posts about this, and I've recently gone through a very similar situation. I have been pretty good friends with a group of 5 girls for about a decade, but over the past couple of years, two of the girls, but 1 of the in particular, became increasingly hostile toward me and the other 2 girls. One of the girls and I recently had an argument that was the last straw for me. I left the group. The thing that really hurt about leaving was that one of the other two girls and I were very close and some things that happened with that friend during the argument really hurt me and we are not nearly as close as we were before. My trust in her as a friend has really been broken, especially since she had a lot of the same issues I did with the 2 girls. Now, the 3 of them (the 4th isn't as involved in the group) hang out a lot more often than they did before and that hurts, but I do continue to see the two I mostly get along with regularly.

I know my story is confusing, but what has really helped me move on is time and also asking the two girls not to report back to me things that were going on with the other 2. I really wish I didn't know they were in contact even more after I left the group. I did let them know I felt it was best for me to go, but they made the assumption that I just needed space and that I'd be back. It has been about 3 months and I'm really happy with my decision. It was a volatile situation I just didn't need.

I feel you, zerostepdrama, and I think you've handled it as well as you could given the circumstances of the unneeded drama.

I recently went through something similar, with my SIL (BIL's wife), of all people. I was under the assumption we were allies amongst the family drama in our already very tiny family, but I was getting signs that that wasn't the case. After some off comments and snub-like behavior, I brashly decided to cut my losses, if for at least temporarily, in order to back my position in going "radio silent" to avoid feeding my MIL's backbiting ways. I even went as far as to block SIL from texting/calling, again - if only temporarily, to prevent me from replying to her harshly. Emotions have been running very high regarding toxic relations within our family for the last 6+ months and I felt it was just time to remove myself from the equation of blame, gossip, etc.

Like Diminished pointed-out, you pegged her and now it's time to move on.

Ironically, SIL has stepped-up her presence on the only social media she still has access to me through and that is Instagram.

This is so fascinating!

It's very nice of you to meet with her because you know that all she will deliver is a big load of her hurt feelings and her anger, served up with a side of blame.

You can expect words like: never, always, only, etc. And you can't expect compassion or understanding for the circumstances that made the friendship untenable for you.

You can take this opportunity to be direct, which hopefullywill cut bback on any gossip.

"Frenemy, I am not sure what friendship we've had lately. You've been excluding me from things that we all used to do together for some time now. And you've been saying unkind things about me to others. Of course I don't like that. I'm happier when I spend my time with people who make it clear that they enjoy my friendship. So I'm willing to hear you out for old times' sake, but I'm not interested in looking for a fresh start."

It is sad when you find out someone you thought you could trust and depend on, leaves you questioning that friendship.
When I first moved to DH's town, I knew no one. I was lucky that one of DH's friends wives befriended me and showed me around since DH wasn't smart enough to do that himself. We became very dear friends. I still love and support her and will always be grateful for everything she has done for me. But I cannot bring myself to spend much time with her. I found out she likes to embellish or flat out lie about stupid things. It makes me question everything she ever told me.
I also had become friends with another woman and we became close. I confided some deep private details about DH and I. DH was aware that I was confiding in her as well. DH and I had gone through a very very difficult time shortly after marrying and she was there for both of us. About two years later, this friend started doing the same things your friend is doing. Pulling away, not responding to texts or call and then I would see her post on Social media all night. I tried to get to the root of the issue but she would claim there was no issue repeatedly. Eventually I stopped trying. I later found out it was over something her husband thought my DH was doing (they were wrong and DH even told her DH as much) But they were a paranoid bunch so nothing was going to change their mind.
Long story short, I found out this "friend" had gone and told EVERYONE about my prior marital issues. TWO YEARS LATER!! She then made up even more things along with the deep secrets. I was not as hurt as I was furious. I made I clear to her she should avoid me at all costs. To this day, she runs the other way when she sees me.
Come to find out, she does this with her friends about every few years. Sucks them in, gets their inner most secrets and then tosses them aside.

Trust your gut instincts. Listen to your friend and if you still feel she isn't being loyal or 100% honest, cut it loose. No use In adding more people to your life that you cannot trust.

But, but, but how can she retain the reins of control if you unfriended her?!?!

I knew someone like this. She kept a close eye on everyone and always knew who was online. Especially the 'favored' person of the moment. Apparently she monitored her number of friends because she immediately knew if someone unfriended her. Probably kept a list as she knew who within minutes.

Frenemy sounds like her...and she is toxic and a narcissist.

Talk to her if you need closure, but it sounds like you're good. If anyone asks? "We were friends. We grew apart. Have you seen/read [insert movie,book, etc]?"