Update: Dh talked to the lawyer/drama with bm
So Dh finally spoke with the lawyer (She was out for Xmas) and she said from reading the letter Bm sent her, it seems like she is scared. Dh said the lawyer just kept saying to herself "I wonder why she's so scared... I wish I knew what she was scared of.. " Pssh, I could have answered that, she's scared that her big a$$ tax return she gets every year is going to be interrupted. Dh said she seemed baffled with the letter Bm wrote because when the lawyer talked to her, she said she seemed oh so nice/cooperative. :::eyeroll::: Overall though, the lawyer said she isn't worried. She said she's been to court with dads who are in arrears and have every other weekend and get everything Dh is asking. Basically her thought was, what Dh is asking for is all very standard in the state of NM-there isn't anything out of the norm that he's asking for. Overall Dh is feeling pretty good. Bm hasn't hired a lawyer and I think it's because she seems to think she has this in the bag. I think she's nervous but I honestly do think she thinks Dh will be denied everything he's asking. Dh's lawyer said that the letter she wrote does paint him to be a bad dad however for what he's asking, all of her allegations are irrelevent. What the judge will look at is if he pays support (never missed a payment), if there are arrears (There aren't), If he has visitation (every weekend), and that fact that he is the one who filed for court because it shows he wants a resolution. Dh is prepaired for the worst but hoping for the best. We'll see, we'll see.
In other news, It seems like things will be getting rocky with pick ups/drop offs until court. At the last exchange Bm had Dh drive all the way to her house (almost an hour from our home) and once he arrived she said he couldn't pick SS up until 5 (it was 4:30) because that's what the parenting plan (which she refused to sign) stated as pick up time. Dh said fine and text her again at 5. Bm then responded that she was 30 min away from her house in our city at a burger place. SOoo Dh had to turn around and go to where Bm was. Dh asked if she could let him at least know where she's going to be and her response was "I'm not going to text you every 5 min where I am!" Once Dh arrived Bm ran out of the restaurant they were at and started screaming in Dh's face like a crazy person, in front of SS and her fiance, that she has "sole" custody (remember, there is no CO yet so no one really has "custody" per say) and Dh better not "demand" anything of her because she can do whatever she wants and she doens't have to let Dh see Ss if she wanted. Dh just stood back and asked her "Are you withholding vistation?" Bm stammered that she could if she wanted but she wasn't withholding visitation but Dh needed to "understand" she has "sole" custody and she is the one in "control". BM also laughed at Dh and said she was excited to go to court because it will be "fun". wtf? Who is excited to go to court???
One thing to note, although it seems like Bm is going to start making exchanges difficult, it's been pretty peaceful when we don't have Ss. In the 4 years Dh and I have been together, this is the longest he's gone without being harrassed by her via the phone/text. I know it's because she doesn't want any proof of her crazy and that's just fine. That in itself has been lovely. 
- msg1986's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Thanks for the tip! Dh will
Thanks for the tip!
Dh will be doing absolutely that this friday. Hopefully that will help.
I'm guessing the whole "can't wait" to go to court thing is a scare tactic? I wonder if maybe she thinks by acting crazy that Dh will back down because he's always backed down in the past? I just know she isn't happy at all that he's asserting himself and his rights as Ss's father. It's been interesting to say the least. gahhh.
Recording would be for the
Recording would be for the best. Seems like she's saving all of her crazy for in person thinking he won't have proof. BM did the same so I started recording everything. She also "wasn't afraid of court" but in reality was shaking in her boots. And would make threats of paternity testing on a daily basis. She was so happy not to be going to jail or paying any CS that the paternity test was never brought up in the courtroom. She was hoping DH would back out of taking her to court with her empty threats.
Yep, Dh will def be recording
Yep, Dh will def be recording Bm. If I could ask, how did you guys let Bm knw you guys were recording? How did she react?
I don't think with the amount
I don't think with the amount of crazy she is showing that you would have to let her know beforehand but the laws vary.
I didn't have to because she was on my property. I also record all voicemails and phone communication and I live in a state where only one party in the convo has to know it's being recorded but I did let her know I recorded even though I didn't have to. She still didn't change her crazy with us for sbout two years. She has supervised visits in my home for now and I record the whole time she is here too.
Now she just takes it out on the kids because she knows she can't get to us any other way.
ETA: BM threw a fit about being recorded and threatened to sue me. ( not the first time for that threat) she called CPS and made a lot of crazy accusations and then calmed down a little after that because she made herself look like an idiot..she's pretty good at that... And I guess realized that I wasn't breaking the law. When CPS showed up, I let them know I had the whole thing recorded and offered to show it. The case was closed within a week.
She also threatened to bring her camera and record DH the whole time she's at my home supposed to be visiting with her kids.
Oh gosh! BM didn't bring it
Oh gosh! BM didn't bring it up and DH was taking her for CS. There is a possibility that neither SD belong to DH but even if she had one done.. Only on the favorite, of course because there's "no doubt" that MSD is DHs.. We already know it wouldn't matter. Even if it came back that DH wasn't really BD, BM can't remove SD from our home. They have been to court 3 times since then and it's always brought up beforehand but she doesn't say a word in court.
Recording and meeting in the
Recording and meeting in the police station parking lot.
Yep, def recording in the
Yep, def recording in the future... I told Dh that would be great if he could have exchange at the police station but Bm would never do that unless she was CO'd to do so.
Ask to have exchanges at the
Ask to have exchanges at the nearest police station there. This slowed my ex down a lot.
I agree with Jsmom. BM was
I agree with Jsmom. BM was making pickup horrible. Kept wanting it later and later on Sunday night and the boys were not getting into bed until 10:30/11:00 and then insisted we drop them off at her house which is an hour away without them being home. NOPE! DH sent her a text one night and said "we will meet you in the police department parking lot at 6 pm" Funny how pickup/dropoff is now a breeze!
It's shocking, right? Bm acts
It's shocking, right? Bm acts like a downright asshat in front of the fiance and they've been together a year and half. He has even moved her and Ss in with him and supports her because dontchaknow Bm is a stay at home mom. What's crazier is that he's a really nice guy...
Yep, def going to tape everything. As far as meeting place, Bm won't meet anywhere, she demands that Dh drop of Ss wherever she is and being that there is no CO, it's either that or drop him off at her house in the morning for school.
That makes a lot of sense.
That makes a lot of sense. We'll see how that turns out. I just couldn't imagine being with someone who is so mean (even if they weren't mean to me but just witnessing them being mean/nasty would turn me off). It's beyond me. On top of that Bm is not only a jerk but she doesn't work, she has a kid, she cannot have other children, according to Ss the fiance cooks & cleans because Bm sleeps all day. It just seems odd. whatever though, right? none of my business.
Thank you, we appreciate any well wishes, prayers, well wishes. This has been a HUGE step for DH to actually follow thru with going to court so it's been stressful. We know it's for the best but it's been scary new territory.
Thank you so much
Thank you so much
Yep, Dh will def be doing
Yep, Dh will def be doing that. That's the main reason he hired a lawyer and is taking Bm to court. This transportation issue has turned into a game for her. It's like she gets a kick out of telling Dh she'll be one place and when he arrives says "jk, i'm really over here." it ridiculous. What P's me off the most is Dh picks Dd 13mo's up from the babsitter so every Friday she's in the car with him for almost 2 hours while trying to find/pick up ss.
What's the deal with saying
What's the deal with saying that?? I couldn't imagine anyone being excited about going to court. Heck, Dh is SO stressed about going to court and he's done everything "right" according to the court.
Ughh I wish it were this
Ughh I wish it were this easy.
What should Dh do if there has never been a set place/time? It sounds crazy, I know. Ss is 6 and it's been this way every weekend since he was born. Dh just picked up Ss when Bm said he could and wherever she was. Dh has asked her numerous times for a the very least a set time/place to pick up Ss/drop him off and she has always told him things like "you don't tell me what to do" "I have custody of Ss, you get him when I say/where I say." "whatever"."If you dont' bring him to me (at whatever location she was at)then have fun taking him to school in the morning.".
Oh yeah, going to court has
Oh yeah, going to court has been a LONG time coming. This past year it's gotten so bad that Dh has been left with no other choice but take her to court so this is the main reason for going to court. It just sucks because it just seems like there isn't much he can do about exchanges until court and I can tell Bm is going to make this as difficult as she can...
This is great advice, thank
This is great advice, thank you so much.
I went over this with Dh last night and he's going to try this... Hopefully Bm bites.
Thank you for your well wishes.
Before DH obtain sole
Before DH obtain sole custody, BM would use her oh famous line "if you don't like it take me court, no judge will take kids from the mother" she also use to like "don't forgot I have all final say, I'm just being nice and informing/asking you"
I guess what we don't hear any of that stupid shit anymore, because we did take her ass to court and won sole legal & physical custody.
I think we have the same BM!!
I think we have the same BM!! The "be where I say, when I say" games, pulling the "control" card, the "looking forward to court" B.S. This is our BM word for word. There has got to be a manual for these psychos!
I agree with the other posters about getting a neutral halfway location to meet for pick ups and drop offs in your CO. This will lessen the drama quite a bit. Also, definitely start recording her.
As for her being scared...have you run a background check? It could be as easy as Googling her name. That is how I found out about our BM's DUI and bankruptcy. It could help you in court if she is withholding this kind of info from you. And it could be why she is scared. She knows and hopes you don't. Our BM thought we had no idea about her and her BF's dirty little secrets and was surprised as shit in court when asked about it on the stand.
BTW, your DH is handling things very well. Good for him. Hopefully he can keep it up.
Yes ma'am it is... To be
Yes ma'am it is... To be quite honest Dh isn't asking for much. As of now the only thing established is CS and the only reason for that is because Bm was a welfare case and the state took Dh to court. Dh was already paying Bm support but the courts were not involved.
Bm has always been difficult, esp since Dh stopped giving in to every single request she made. The main reason Dh is going to court is to address the issue regarding transportation. Bm is under the impression that if Dh wants to see Ss, he needs to pick up/drop off Ss wherever she is at whatever time she says is okay. The lawyer said the norm is that the receiving parent picks the child up, so that's what Dh is requesting. The only thing I think that could hurt Dh is that he's always provided the transportation however Bm wrote a letter to Dh's lawyer and in that letter she stated that she disagrees with providing any transportation because she felt that if Dh wanted to see Ss, it was HIS responsibility to pick ss up and drop ss off. She didn't mention that she didn't have transportation (she does) or that it wasn't fair because Dh has always provided it. Other than the transportation Dh is asking are for Joint legal custody so he can get school info/medical info, visitation to continue as every weekend as it always has been, holidays every other year since Bm picks and chooses what holidays he can have, communication to be via email/OFW, and to take turns claiming Ss on taxes.