The maiden name this is a total disrespectful thing in my opinion. I would nip that in the bud asap.

Maybe so he can remember who your sisters are?

I was asking myself, why doesn't my ss like me?? And after much reflection I think it has nothing to do with me.... my ss mom is a lunatic and he is half her... im about 3 years in on this nightmare so I don't know the right thing... but I really think their issues are just about them not us.

You snooped through his phone and got pissed at how your name is labelled? Hmmm. I don't change my married friends names in my phone either. It's not disrespectful. It's my phone and I'm not changing everyone's name when they get married.

It's your choice. Just politely tell him to call you Miss Lady or Mrs. Stark whichever you prefer.

For some reason I always called my mother's friends by their first names while my sister always called them Mrs. Last Name. (13 year age difference). But I'd have changed to Mrs. lname in a nanosecond if I'd ever been asked to do so.

As far as I'm concerned step (parents)are still parents and need to parent. My ss 10 is not parented at his moms and will and has watched totally inappropriate things including videos on Satan worshipping. Why wouldn't you go through their phone and monitor what they do??? And of course he's being disrespectful by changing it to her maiden name. We can't make them love us but when my SS is here he will show me respect.... when he's at his moms he tells lies about me and does whatever... but not in my home.

You can only really demand that he call you in the way that you wish to your face. You cannot control what he calls you to others or in his private writings. So correct away when he slips up in front of you but forget about the phone. Kids have few outlets to express their feelings and emotions. His tiny act of rebellion on his phone does not really impact you in any real way. Let him have it. He will probably change it back when he gets over whatever is going on now or when he matures some more.

You asked if you should have him call you "Stepmom." Do you mean he should literally call you "Stepmom?" Like "Stepmom" please pass the potatoes?

I have never heard of anyone who uses the word "Stepmom" like they would use the word "Mom" when interacting face to face with their stepmom. Sure, when talking to others it makes sense to use "Stepmom" - as in my "Stepmom" took me to the store.

I get wanting random kids to use "Miss" - I don't understand why you require that of your SS.

Simply tell him NO, I'm Ms Lady......... keep repeating it over and over and over.....

I still do it with Aergia, she will call my by my first name, I simply tell her, I'm not Acra for you I'm Ms Acra, we did not play in the same sandpit ....

SO once dared saying what's the problem, I looked at him and said, I'm an adult, she's a child we are not friends thus she will not call me by my name...

I would just start correcting him when he says your first name. Don't discuss it with anyone just do it. If he does it in front of peiple then correct him then too.

Kids here don't call adults by their first name. I my SD calls me Ms. as well.

Most stepmoms in the US are called by their first names. If you keep making a big deal out of the issue you may end up not being called any name at all except her, she, or that woman. I was "her" for a few years and would have greatly preferred to be called by my first name.

I used to call my Mom's sisters "Aunt Firstname" when I was younger. As I got older, I dropped the Aunt part.

My daughter's friends used to call me "Mrs Lastname". Now that they're older, they call me by my first name.

Perhaps that is the way it is for your SS. He was 6 when you came into his life. Now he's 13 and he just wants to drop the "Miss".

I don't feel he's being disrespectful at all and I certainly wouldn't take offense to it.

I think it is a little cold and formal to expect your stepkid to call you "miss." Not trying to be rude - just my personal opinion.

i have never been anything other than "tuff" (a shortened form of my first name). it is very much a southern thing to refer to adults with authority as "miss first name", however it just doesnt work with my name and would feel weird to me. even tho' she is a world-class piece of $#!t, they have already have a mother.

i also feel them calling me "tuff" is affectionate - no one calls me that unless they are in my inner circle. and when he's in one of his $#!tty-@$$ moods, kaos calls me "HUUUURRRRRRRRRR" lol!

it is strange that in his phone he's got your info listed with your maiden name. but i wouldnt say anything about that.

This whole thread frustrates me.

I check SS's phone. DH does not. DH and I are a team. That is one of the things I do, because well... he works a lot, I have the "mom instinct" and can tell when something is just not right... DH wasn't born with that instinct. The phone is paid out of our joint (we only have joint) account, and I work so I guess I do pay the bill if that's how you want to see it. But FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, everyone's household runs differently. WHO CARES!?!?! OP's child has no biomom, she is the "mom" in his life. It's not like they just started dating, or she just moved in. Who cares how other people run their household from day to day. It's not like she was in his phone trying to sabotage his relationship with his BM or something sinister. She was doing what MOST MOMS do with their 13 year old kids, making sure he's not being bullied, bullying, sending or receiving inappropriate texts... searching inappropriate websites. Sheesh, let her and DH decide who's "job" it is to do that. I'm sure I will get bashed for that, but I don't see why the most insignificant things are focused on here. Let's talk about the REAL issue, the blatant disrespect.

It is clear that this kid is just being $hitty. Her name was once saved in his phone in one manner, and now he has intentionally changed it to her maiden name. That.is.shitty. I would be upset too. Each family has their own idea of what is respectful and acceptable. She doesn't want to be called by her first name by a child that she is helping raise, as a parental figure. So be it, he should respect that.

OP- I am wondering if he just feels that the "Miss" is a little juvenile? Every time I hear it I feel like they are talking to their preschool teacher. Maybe have a talk with him (with DH present) about why he is changing it after so many years. There has to be a reason. And I am sure it has nothing to do with you. Maybe he's having issues dealing with BM not being in his life. I imagine that would take a toll on a kid. Communication is key. Every few years I will as SS what he would like to call me, because he has a nickname for me that derived when he was learning how to talk (he was 1 year old) and we get weird looks when he calls me that in public. He tells me "I don't know how to change it at this point, that's just who you are". But I certainly don't want to embarrass him with the name he calls me in front of his friends. They all know me and know why he calls me that, I do kind of wonder what will happen next year when he goes to high school We will revisit it again then.

Does he know that you check his phone?