BM asking for more again...
Email conversation between DH and BM. Just a couple of notes that puts this into perspective a little better. I really think that BM was hinting for me to contribute (indirectly by taking even more of our household expense so DH could give more money). She is shit outta luck there. MY kids had a job and saved for driver's school.
Of course DH isn't going to get into the nitty gritty details with SD15 but she will be aware of why DH can't help pay directly. We talked about it and if SD15 wants to return our recyclables as a contribution she can have them and DH will take her out for practice once she gets her learners.
1. DH pays out over 50% of his take home income in relation to his kids
2. I pick up the slack in our household because he can't contribute equally at the moment
3. BM knows exactly what DH makes and where his money goes..it all came out in mediation
4. BM makes more than double what DH makes in a year
BIO MOM:
SD15 gets her permit in June. The driving school that SD20 did is $780. Do you think you will be able to contribute to this so SD15 can do it too? I know that's a long way away but I figured I'd ask in advance.
Sent from my iPhone
DH :
After consulting my lawyer I have been informed that the regular maintenance paid to you each month would cover this expense as it is not considered extra ordinary and you are in receipt of the full federal amount for SD15.
In addition to this I pay 770 + 525 = 1295 per month in relation to my girls. Given that you already know my available income after living expenses due to the mediation process, I consider it very degrading that you would even put me in the position to have to deny this.
I will discuss this with SD15 to ensure she understands that I am not refusing to help her, but that financially I just can't afford it right now.
BIO MOM:
SD15 has no idea how much this program costs or that I have asked you for help. Please don't blame me for how you are feeling. She will go with or without your help. This conversation is between me and you and SD15 doesn't need to be involved.
Sent from my iPhone
DH:
Of course SD15 needs to know I will help her in any way that I can, even if it is not financially. I'm sure it will be no secret that you will be paying regardless if I help or not and I don't think it's fair that she thinks I'm just not paying...she deserves to know the reason why I can't afford and you can afford way more.
I am not going to give you another reason to spout "you don't do anything and I do it all myself and have for the past three + years" because you have pushed my into a corner financially and cannot provide any extras for my kids.
You know my financial situation so you asking for more money above and beyond what you are already receiving doesn't even make sense. You knew the answer before you even asked so it was obviously just to prove a point as "she will go with or without your help".
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I would have just said, "No,
I would have just said, "No, I will not be able to contribute," and then just ignore.
love it!
love it!
What a B. Our BM used to do
What a B. Our BM used to do that stuff too and then play the martyr, I hated that. Hopefully your SD understands when DH talks to her. Luckily my DH's kids always did. He had to explain about CS to them at an early age because BM pulled the whole "I pay for everything" nonsense with them. It sucks.
Oh my. This is so sad. 5 is
Oh my. This is so sad. 5 is far too young, but obviously, your DH was pushed into having to explain. That's unfortunate.
DH and I have SD full-time and we're getting ready to go for child support from BM. We haven't done it yet because she's the type of person who will do anything to get out of paying for her kid. She says it's not her obligation, she doesn't have any money, etc. anytime we ask for any help.
I'm sure she'll be telling SD "i don't have anything your father took any money i had" all the time, even though she'll only be ordered a measly $100 or so a month given that she works a minimum wage job a few days a week.
This was our life when skids
This was our life when skids used to visit! SO had to explain what child support was.
In our school districts there
In our school districts there is driver's ed through the school. It isn't free, but It is WAY less than 700 bucks. I think it's around 200 dollars.
They offer it year round.. even in the summer.
Yes and no lucy91. Basically
Yes and no lucy91. Basically DH had a hardship case to get the CS lowered but the cost in lawyer's fees to go to court with it would in the end be about equal if not more than the savings. He ended up paying a reduced amount for SD20 (she is above the age of majority but returned to post secondary) and full federal amount for SD15.
Post secondary is split in proportion to income (BM 67% and DH 33%) AFTER all avenues of funding have been exhausted. This includes student loans, employment income, scholarships, etc.
Medical that exceeds BM and DH's insurance is split in proportion to income IF both parties agree. This is actually a great clause because it holds BM accountable and gives us a little bit of control. If it exceeds the insurance there must be a valid medical reason.
So right now I am paying a hefty chunk of the CS...or our joint expenses...depending on how you look at it. I refuse to pay for anything extra that is not considered a necessity. And I mean my definition of necessity...not BM's.
Hence I am the evil SM that has money to do things for myself and DH but not to give DH so he can give to BM. GO FIGURE!!
I like your DH's response.
I like your DH's response. Usually I'm all about keeping it short and sweet but I think he put BM in her place and called her out on her behavior.
That is BM too! All the
That is BM too! All the frickin time.
she shows their kids those
she shows their kids those "short and sweet" texts to say, "See!! He doesn't give a shit about you!"
I must admit, I forget so much communication is done through texting these days (which can then be used against a person), that was not the case when my SD was a minor.
But after just going through mediation to sort all of these financials out, BM really needs no explanation.
DH does contribute. EVERY
DH does contribute. EVERY MONTH. The mother should use her child support on the children. These mothers try to make them feel guilty. It's not right
DH is coming across as
DH is coming across as wanting BM to validate his feelings and his role... that will not happen.
Here's what I might suggest for next time (because it will never end...):
BIO MOM:
SD15 gets her permit in June. The driving school that SD20 did is $780. Do you think you will be able to contribute to this so SD15 can do it too? I know that's a long way away but I figured I'd ask in advance.
Sent from my iPhone
DH :
Great idea! Just take it out of the $xxx that I pay you out of my $xxx take-home pay each year.
****takes a bow and flips BM the finger****
Moe, you have such a way with
Moe, you have such a way with words.
As a BM who doesn't get a lot
As a BM who doesn't get a lot of CS period, I do not think that the NCP should ever have to pay for extra expenses like this. When BS is ready to drive I will be the one paying for it along with BS so that he learns responsibility.