Things are looking Good.
So there are lots of stories on here that are not always positive and I get it trust me. I have some positive notes. This weekend my SO and I though we almost were not going to get this house but all is good and everything still seems on schedule. Those of you who have read my blogs you know I was having some issues dealing with future SIL. Well SO sat down and talked to her and he did thank her for everything she has done the last several years. I was not there for the conversation but he told me about it a little.
He really stepped up and also told her until he sees her not drinking as much anymore around his son, she can not take him over night anymore. I support because he is only looking out for the best for his son. She is still around and still shows up for all the son to be SS8 basketball practices and games. She has stepped back a little and giving the three of us some breathing room to start figuring out our own little dynamic. I know it can no be easy on her but it is what my SO wants and SS8 asks all the time if I am coming up, and says hi to me when SO and I are on the phone. Things are progressing really well.
I still have my little bitter moments with the future SIL and you can absolutely feel the tension between us and i a trying to not let that happen. I keep focusing on the good as much as I can. My SO's dad said he is really proud of him for stepping up and really taking full control of what is going on with his son.
Side note: SS8 is totally starting to push those buttons to see what he can get away with and will ask his dad something, when he does not get a yes will ask me, I just say what did your dad say. It is kinda funny he is trying to manipulate it already. SO also began to apply for jobs where he will no longer be traveling resumes started going out this week.
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She sits with us at the games
She sits with us at the games it is a whole family affair his parents are there too and we all sit together. No one is left out, I do not go to his practices because I literally can not make it to them and she is there usually. She is still very much involved.
I have noticed SS8 try to get stuff he asked me if he could have ice cream one night and I said I do not think you dad wants you to but go ask him. So he goes to his dad and of course dad said no. They get sneaky at a certain age and try really hard to get away things.
I have learned in the last
I have learned in the last few months that technology has made things so crazy. He got a tablet for xmas from his gparents that was hooked up to the cell phone bill and could access data. Well SO was not too pleased about it but he went through setting all the controls and I helped because I am a little better with tech products. Turned the data off....made it so he could not download certain apps that were not age appropriate.
These kids can figure out everything and anything these days it is crazy. My mind has been blown the last few months with the stuff he knows and talks about.
How many times do I have to
How many times do I have to tell you he travels but not like all the time. He has been home for the last two months now. He had like two trips that were only over night one night during the week. He has been home on the weekends so no one other than my SO has enforced this rule. My SO's dad is actually really supportive of it and thinks it was the best thing too for now.
I have no idea why he goes to me and asks me stuff, but he does I am not going to tell him to not ask me because in a few months the three of us will be living together and when is dad is at work I will be the one taking care of him. So for now I say ask your dad.
Never said I was unhappy with MIL, he was looking up jobs and putting his resume together and that is all done and now he sent them out. It is a process when looking for a new job.
I literally have no grudge
I literally have no grudge against her. I am sorry but do you really think it is ok for 34 year old grown woman to get so drunk she is falling into walls? She literally made him get up from his seat one night in a small chair that can only fit one person and made him sit on her lap. She would never have done this sober, he got pissy and miserable. That same night her mother kept telling her to just go upstairs and go to bed because she kept passing out down stairs. It took a while to convince her. I sat there keeping my mouth shut. Again I do not really talk to her much at all and I am very nice to her when I am around her.
I am condescending to you because I keep telling you the same thing over and over and keep hoping you actually read what I have wrote here. I have said it multiple times that I have slipped like once or twice and opened my big mouth but usually I do not and tell him to ask his dad. Do you really not read what I type here? His son has gotten away with years of going to several different adults until one gives him the answer he wants and I am assuming because he feels comfortable around me and he knows we are all going to be living together he has now included me in that loop. Like I have said many times I try to say ask your dad.
I never said he actually applied to jobs just that he was starting to look and he wanted to wait until after the holidays when things were settling down. He is employed and works hard and makes ok money so I am not going to push him. I knew what I was getting into with his work when I started seeing him and that he was a single dad with full custody of his son with no BM in the picture because she bailed. I am sorry I would rather be supportive of him instead of nag him all the time about what he is doing. I am not my SO's mother and he is a grown adult.
Traveling is an issue and he has known that for a while and he beats himself up plenty about it. It probably was not as big of an issue but now with so many things changing that were not expected it became a lot bigger. His mother was not suppose to retire for two more years or so. His parents were not planning on moving to FL for a few more years but everything changed because her bank merged with another and she took the deal. Also they knew him and I were getting more serious and wanting to look for a place. So yeah all this lite a fire under his a##. Not everyone is perfect but he is a good man. He treats me really well and loves his son very much. Yes he has made his mistakes but he tries really hard to be a good dad and continues to learn from his mistakes and past decisions to make better ones moving forward.
Yes I did post about the mom
Yes I did post about the mom it was more out of just wonder if this is normal. For the most part I like her and have no issue with her.
My SO is currently employed works a ok paying job and yeah he is afraid of switching somewhat because he has job security right now. It took him a little while to get his resume together and start applying. I am not going to fault him for that. His family helps him take care of his kid they no way do all the work. He has been planning for the last two years to save up enough money to buy his own house. I have proof of that.
I did not say as much in my post that he was never going ot change his situation, there was always a plan in place to get his own place the plans got moved ahead because i came along and his parents decided to move earlier. Him and I were both discussing getting a place of our own and to start looking before his mom and dad announced they were moving earlier than planned. He has not been the perfect dad or parent no one is. He has raised his kid, he has had help but he has done most of the child rearing, he has only been traveling the last two or three years, I forget the exact time. It has not been the entire last 8 years. He was around all the time before that.
I get why you feel my situation does not sit right with you. Maybe I have done a poor job of explaining things on here I have no idea. He is not lazy by any means, he cleans the house, dose dishes, does yard work, laundry for him and his son. He runs his son to all his practices, games, lessons, doctor appointments, all this when he is not on the road he does it all. I have witnessed for the last year now. Again not perfect but he is the one at all the parent teacher things, not his parents or his sister.
As for the pissing match well, I am not in competition with her and I have yet to play into that game with her. I have just tried to be me and spend time with my SO and his son. I can not help it when SS8 knows I am coming up he would rather be home and spend time with his dad and me than her right now. I know that will change I am ok with that. He will once we move in together start going over there all the time again and that is fine. I just wish she could be patient and just let things progress and see what happens.
Sorry for long rant. Been a long week.
SIL plays the mom role for
SIL plays the mom role for years, new girlfriend shows up and feels threatened, convinces dad to start phasing SIL out, even though he's not around to take care of his kids and his parents are doing it anyway. This is gonna end up great for you guys!
It's good news Ash.... but if
It's good news Ash.... but if you want my opinion on this... do not exclude SIL totally, she's not BM...
maybe become more friendly with her, inviting her over for a BBQ or something and let her just be the aunt..
Remember she took on the role of mother, it will not change over night, you future relationship with SIL will depend on how you handle it from here, you are actually in the same boat... SS is neither's child...
I have no plan of excluding
I have no plan of excluding her never did she just thought she was going to be in her own head. I understand we are in the same boat and neither one of us is his "mom" or will ever biologically be.
I mostly have been trying to stay out of it. I vent on here about things but I have not really said much to my SO. I have asked him multiple times about her playing the mom role and he just says she has never been seen that way, she has only ever been seen as the cool fun aunt. I am not saying she did not do a lot over the years, I can tell she did but she chose to do it. I also recently asked is she was around alot when his was like really little and my SO said not really she would hold him for a little and give him back.
I understand I am only hearing one side of everything but truth is his parents have even said the son just looks up to her like an aunt. I tend to believe my SO he is pretty honest with me. I have also seen she creates things in her head even when she is told the opposite.
One thing I think I have said before is that while she thinks she has been like this kids mom, she hasn't and there is 6 months out the year where she is barely around and she does not take SS8 very much at all in those months. She is not able to. It was my SO's parents, especially his dad who helped take care of the son. His dad has been retired ever since SS8 was born. He really did alot.
I have no intention of breaking that bond they have, I truly do not.
It was a half joke. Yeah I
It was a half joke. Yeah I will be happy when I do not feel like I have to walk on egg shells anymore and watch everything I say and do. I am looking forward to being with my SO and soon to be SS8 in our own home. She is welcome for dinner occasionally and welcome for babysit and take him over night on weekends when my SO feels comfortable with her doing so again. I will enjoy the fact that I can tell her to go sleep at her own house. I think it is a little much to have his 34 year old grown sister who has her own house spending like two nights a week at our house when we are just starting out. Yeah I will be happy when I can feel comfortable in my own home and have a say of what is happening.
Oh that is so horrible of me. Is my hooked nose and wart showing yet...?