Yup had one of those interesting moments.
I drop off future SS8 at daycare the other day and they come up to me asking me to fill out some paper work because some information was missing. Basically his BM's info was blank on the Emergency contact info.
I just said oh that is not me I am on the list but I am not the BM, SS8 was out of ear shot for all this. I also mentioned just in case she is never to be contacted and if by random she calls she is not allowed. Literally court documents say so.
It was a little weird and also made me feel bad for my SS, it really does break my heart he has never known what it is like to have an actual mom. I think that is why he really clings to me sometimes.
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They will need to have the CO
They will need to have the CO on file to prevent her from having contact at school.
My SO has it somewhere.
My SO has it somewhere. Honestly she has no clue where her son is. She has not contacted him in going on 5 years. My SO has full custody with full rights to do whatever he wants.
I know he got custody because
I know he got custody because she just gave SS to my SO to take care of. I think there was some drugs at one point but they have heard she cleaned up and is with someone and the know for sure she has another kid. SO's mom has met the kid the last time BM had seen her son.
She still has some rights she can have copies of school and medical records. She was also allowed supervised visitation. She just stopped calling and asking to see him and that was 5 years ago.
That doesn't mean that she
That doesn't mean that she couldn't pop in at any point in his life and want to play mommy.
I will tell my SO to make
I will tell my SO to make sure of it. I wonder is she will ever pop up. The only way she will be allowed to play mommy and be involved is if she got a the Co changed. That takes money and I know my SO will higher a lawyer and fight it.
Honestly SS is only 8 and I think it would just confuse him and screw things up. I strongly believe you walk out on your kid and suddenly want to be involved you lose that right. It should be up to the custodial parent to decide because they know how it will effect their kid. If the kid is not asking questions or wondering why screw that up.
At some point it becomes the kid decision when they are old enough on if they want to have anything to do with the biological parent that bailed.
If she really had more kids and did not walk away from them...I can only imagine the feeling SS would have. I agree with my SO for now she pops up it will be no until SS is onl enough to better understand.
It happens. DS's BD wanted
It happens. DS's BD wanted nothing to do with him for 95% of his life. He showed up with a girlfriend that had 3 kids and filed for full custody of DS when he was 8 years old. The custody motion was denied but he was given standard visits. They made our lives hell for a year and a half.
He had recent (last 1-2 years) drug and alcohol related charges and assault charges. He had lived in the same town as me 7 of the 8 years DS had been alive and didn't see him.
The girlfriend was even crazier than him. There isn't a word good enough to describe the relief I felt when that mess was over.
There's a 1963 Judy Garland
There's a 1963 Judy Garland movie about this very thing. After leaving her baby with his dad, Judy's character shows up out of the blue when the boy is about 13. She does full on Disney Mom on steroids for several days while Dad is out of town so he doesn't know and can't prevent it.
By the time dad shows up kid is super dazzled and all the potential cracks in his relationship with dad burst forth.
It's an interesting movie to watch from the eyes of a stepmother. It is more or less told from Judy's point of view so it's rather sympathetic to her. But some difficult realities are put on display nonetheless.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0057168/?ref_=ttpl_pl_tt
Eventually it will be your
Eventually it will be your info on those kinds of things. If you're picking the kids up and dropping them off the schools will want your info too.
I'm listed on all of skids paperwork under mother and DH is on DS's as father. We just write step next to it.
Hopefully she has. It's
Hopefully she has. It's highly unusual for a court to completely restrict contact in a CO.
I have not formally seen the
I have not formally seen the document, but his parents and him and his sister have all told me about that day in court and what the order is. She technically is allowed copies of records and if my SO says she can see her son she can. She just stopped asking, my SO use to even drive his son to her to spend time with her. She just stopped and no one knows why.
My DSO had the same thing 7
My DSO had the same thing 7 years ago. BM was allowed every weekend, but DSO had the right to stop the visits anytime he felt their safety was in jeopardy....doesn't have to apply to courts, its his decision only.
Basically, SD9 showed up at school with obvious makeup covering bruises. Took SD9, SS10 into rooms and it finally came out BM had hit SD. School contact CPS (DSO was never contacted at all that day), CPS called the number BM had given the school and left a voice mail. When BM called back from the house she was living in (DSO had no knowledge they were living at this house), the caller ID showed they were living with a couple and the man was a registered sex offender. Another sex offender was also living at the house and had been arrested a week before, so the name was still in CPS mind at the time...they had no idea skids were living there as it was during a school day. BM called at 930 that nite and danced around the reason and then blamed SS16 for hitting SD.
The courts wanted to terminate her parental rights but he didn't have the heart to do that to the skids. Now that they are 23, stb18, and 16, BM is still a shitshow but he can allow them to stay there as they want.
We literally went 2 years where we weren't able to leave the house without a skid. A relative gave us a 2 hour break once. The SS' had major issues, still do, and it really broke DSO down. He is starting to get back to the old DSO since they have gotten older. 23 months and we will be free.
Medusa is not allowed to have
Medusa is not allowed to have our address...
She also is not allowed to have contact with school. She has no legal custody and the high school has a copy of DH's CO on file in case the idiot ever shows up.
She won't. As long as DH has custody of the last one, she won't make a move. The second BV ages out? My guess is that she swoops in like a literal bat out of hell.
I always wonder if she will
I always wonder if she will ever call my SO and ask about her son. My SO has the same number he has always had and there has been no word from her. My SO did say at this point if she contacted him he would tell her no she can not see him, yes SO has the right to deny visitation.
I agree with him, SS8 has no memory of her and has not asked about who is mom is in over a year now, or any mention of her. He refers to me as his mom at daycare or by my name whichever he feels that day.
Does SO know where BM is? Is
Does SO know where BM is? Is she even anywhere in the area? I imagine by now she has no clue what school or district SS attends.
It is sad, but IMO this is better for the child than drifting in and out. I think coming and going with ages in-between is cruel to do to a child. I'm sure eventually SS will have questions, but in the meantime he's been allowed just to be a happy little kid, surrounded by numerous people who love him and take care of him.
When I get those papers I
When I get those papers I just circle the guardian part of "parent/guardian" or put "step" in parenthesis in front of "parent." BM is listed as Mother and DH is listed as Father but I am listed as emergency contact because if there were an emergency (and there were a couple) I always answer my phone and I am less than two minutes from the school. DH had to go to the school to explain to them BM is allowed copies of paperwork, communication with the school and its teachers, able to have lunch with SS but she is not allowed to take him from school for any reason unless they call DH first. But that's what happens when you threaten to take a kid and never bring him back or you'd rather be dead than "share" your mutual child.
They have the court order.
They have the court order. It's required in the school enrollment packet.