Taking Sound Advice from everyone here.
This morning I was getting myself all wound up about the whole SIL situation and everything else. As I was doing this I came to a realization that my relationship with my SO and his son has become about her and her problems, and I have fed into it, not claiming total innocence here. I am not going to let that happen to anymore and create issues among what has been a really good relationship so far with my SO.
My SO and I have talked and I said look I am out of this at this point and I am going to concentrate on you and me and our relationship. I am just still going to keep doing what I have been doing, my SO is happy, his son is really happy when I am there, and his parents are super supportive of us. That is what I want to focus on.
If I focus too much on her and her problems and try to fix that I will literally drive myself crazy. That is not good for anyone. I am going to try to be a good person, (I know I will not be perfect) about everything that is happening and when I am there just enjoy the time I spend with my SO and his son. I want to say thank you to everyone who posted the other day, it really helped me out.
I hope this tactic works, we will see. I am sure I will have my vents in the future.
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Comments
It is up to your SO to
It is up to your SO to straighten out the relationship between him, his sister, and his son. Just relax!
That's good, he is an adult,
That's good, he is an adult, let him handle his family on his own.
That sounds like a good
That sounds like a good plan!! I also want to commend you for taking the advice you received in the spirit it was intended and not getting angry or upset at those who said things with which you might not necessarily agree. I think that says a lot about you.
I second this.
I second this.
It's great that you're making
It's great that you're making mental adjustments to better cope with your SO's sister. Just remember, ignoring the facts does not change the facts.
The situation is still dysfunctional even though you're working on being more detached. You are still contemplating marriage to a man who has no track record of successful, full-time parenting and has shown across time that he is willing to hand off his responsibilities to others.
When you had the talk with your SO, did he commit to any plan of action? Is he actively seeking employment that will not require constant travel? Will he be handling his sister, and if so, how?
You seem to have worked hard to create a secure, high-quality life for yourself, so perhaps now you should indeed step back mentally and give your SO the space and time to prepare for eventually joining your lives.
Lastly, there are some truisms floating around this board that might prove helpful to you:
- Never care more than the bio parents do
- Dysfunction breeds dysfunction
- Listen to your gut