My sd16 has been through a lot. she can't attend school right now. so she stays home all day long.
Her BM after filling her head with how she loved her and wanted her and things were going to be the best they ever had decided to tell sd she didn't want her. meaning she ran away and is in all that trouble for nothing. she ruined what good she had at her aunts with online school and her part time job. etc. no shes home and mad.

I told sd16 since she is home during the day she is responsible for having the house clean. That's her job. Everyone in the house has something to do except her so this is now her responsibility.

She is to take out the dog.
yesterday she was to give both dogs baths
keep up with the laundry and dishes and make sure no trash is on the floors.
keep up with dishes.
Stay out of my room and the office.

So when I came home there was a cd out from the work room. mine. I said why were you in that room. Well dad knew and was okay with it. She started to get hateful and I said well im not okay with that. then she said "dad said I could take the dog for a walk." me "No, its dark oustide" sd " DAD said it was okay" Me "If your dad wants to he can go for a walk with you and the dog. but you will not be walking the dog at night alone" I then walk into the kitchen and see dishes weren't kept up with not a lot but just 4 or 5. It infuriated me I went and sat on the couch across from her and she was doing a little pitty party. So
I said "sd16 we should probably talk about whats bothering us before it spirals out of control."
sd "I don't have an attitude. nothings wrong"
me "well your body language and the way you are acting is telling me something different"
SD"I don't have and attitude"

at that point I got up to go take a shower.

I hear dh come in and holler for him to come here. and I vented.

I told him this
"I feel myself doing what I used to do. I feel like im looking for everything to be pissed off about because im mad at her. I don't want to start this again. I don't want to be pushed to my limit."
dH "What happened"
me - "I feel she has an attitude. I said I don't like her being in that room. I don't like she didn't give the other dog a bath. its supposed to freeze tonight and the dog can't come in until she has a bath and flea meds put on. The dishes aren't done. and she has an attitude of Daddy said. against me. You told her she could take the dog for walks. but its dark. well daddy says its okay. what I say doesn't matter. I told you both she was never coming back after laying her hands on me. and you found other arrangements so we could continue to be married."
DH - ill deal with it

FEW mins later sd is yelling "what did I do so wrong! I tried today! I don't have an attitude but mom is not being fair to me blah blah blah

Im already out at this time. and I get in it

"Look dear precious sd If u would of easedropped to the hole freakin thing instead of just part of it. I told dad I wasn't being fair one thing made me mad and it felt like I was looking for more reasons to be mad. so I talked to you father so he could hold me accountable and pick out just what the problem was and taken care of it. if you would talk to me I would of told you that! don't go to dad to talk shit on me.

Sd "that what you did to me by talking to dad"
me " I talked to dad from keeping this to happen."

lots more to be said lots more yelling about bio mom. but my question is how do you stop yourself from being nit-picky