...She Actually Said It!
So we have very little issues with BM.
She's a nice person, if a little withdrawn and doesn't always clearly communicate. I have no problems with contacting her/vice versa if necessary (only if necessary).
DH (no more DP! 
) and I were out and about the other day and discussing finances and paying of a little debt we have incurred. He mentioned that he was going to ask BM to provide half of the cost of something (not in the CO) that really benefits her and the SDs. But he was worried about doing so even though he's been the one fronting a lot of costs in the past year or so: clothing, transportation, electronics, school stuff, etc. on top of the child support costs. He was worried because he thought she'd say something because we are now married.
Me: What do you mean?
DH: She mentioned a while ago that we are two incomes and she's just one.
Me: So what does that have to do with us being married?
DH: I think she's going to say that again.
Me: Really!? She cannot think that!
DH: Yeah...
Me: If she says ANYTHING like that again you need to SHUT IT DOWN right there. I have zero financial responsibility for the SDs, zero.
DH: I know.
Me: Anything I get for them or help with is completely on MY own terms and agreement, neither one of you can EXPECT anything from me - they aren't my kids even though I do care about them.
DH: Oh, I know that!
Me: So you need to shut that down immediately. You let her know that I have no financial responsibility for them and she should not expect anything from me. And if she ever says anything again I will withdraw ALL my support for anything so fast your heads will spin. They have a nice house to live in and water/heat - that's all a benefit of us being a couple but the rest is on her and you.(FYI: I have been gradually doing so already but I'll stop paying my share of food/house/helping with any transportation, etc.)
DH: I know, I totally get that. I am sorry this is a potential issue.
I really did not expect to hear something like that from her!
Hel to the N.O.
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Comments
Not surprised at all. My
Not surprised at all. My skids BM actually asked the judge to include my income in the child support calculations. And she's a lawyer - she knows that's not how it works.
Honestly I think it comes from a sense of entitlement for things to be "fair" between them. Bc DH benefits from my income BM finds that unfair. She thinks she should benefit too, lol. I actually need to watch out because since I got my job we've been spending more on the kids. I'm just more relaxed about money now. But your post reminds me to reign it in.
Hahaha yeah-BM wanted me to
Hahaha yeah-BM wanted me to to drop off child support to her once because she didn't want to wait for SO to get out of work. Uhmmmm no. She also pulls the two incomes line-MY money is not for YOU or anything associated with you. If I want to do somethings for SS it's a choice-the second you start expecting it is the second it stops.
Happened here as well. BM was
Happened here as well. BM was bemoaning the fact that we have 2 incomes (not a lot mind you). DH told her that my money is mine and not for her to even look at as potential income. This state only considers the b/parents. That shut her up. But apparently she dropped it on her sons from time to time.
but but of course she's
but but of course she's right... it's your duty to pay for her children and it's her duty to teach them to hate you...
you know this
I wonder why DH even mentioned it to you..... why did he not simply tell BM... Cover did not carry those babies, you did... so start paying for them you useless woman
Because he's scared of
}:)
Because he's scared of her.
She hasn't asked for an increase in CS since they divorced (his payment is due to his very low paying job at the time) and he dreads her coming and asking him for more. So he ends up not questioning things or just paying more.
I don't understand the issue since they have 50/50 custody (CO).
She gets CS, he doesn't, and he has them actually a bit more than 50/50 in the end.
Fear.
Plain and simple.
DH should change this......
DH should change this...... 50/50 I do not agree with paying CS as well....
50/50 and only BM gets CS... I call bulldung.... (dammit I love swearing) she should be paying CS as well.
DH should start looking into this, it's 60/40 and he pays CS... nope not going to work with me...
BM has played that card to DH
BM has played that card to DH as well, even though her salary is more than DH and I together!
DH and I do share finances as we have a house, car, etc. and I look at the CS as a monthly bill we have to pay. Nothing more.
So when she gets on with that I take all of our household bills that we need to live (DH is entitled to a place to live and a car to get to work) and split it down the middle. That's his share of the household bill, plus his CS payment....and that's what he uses as his financial statement when determining if he can afford extras.
Anything beyond that...she can piss off.
That's my take as well. She
That's my take as well.
She lives in a very affordable home (partly paid by her and DH when they were married, small mortgage) AND she freaking rents out the basement apartment. And she has a car, with no payments (got it in divorce of course).
Oh, and her father paid for her portion of the divorce so she had NO debt at the end.
So, you know, DH is just living high on the hog with me and our mortgage (larger house needed with SDs - otherwise just the two of us would have a smaller one), one very old car on its last legs, MY newer car (only mine, not DH's, not SDs)...
I'm waiting to see how long it takes for the SDs to obtain new winter coats/shoes. Cause I am not providing that this year. I need to pay off some of MY expenses.
But this poster's DH is not
But this poster's DH is not refusing to pay CS..and the new wife isn't saying anything like your situation..only that her income shouldn't factor into it. Not sure how you can relate the two?
Bm has said several times,
Bm has said several times, since you have two incomes, x, y, and z. I told dh since I only exist when it comes to money and help (when she demands it), that it is on my terms.
They have court in a few weeks. I'm sure it will be said again. Bm has poor money management skills, but some how that is our fault? She's going to play the two incomes to try and get child support. We know she can't, but that doesn't stop her from making dh out to be a deadbeat who "never" pays a dime for his kids. Fact is, cs was taken away because it's 50/50 (at least on paper. In real life, we have 60/40) and he takes care of more than his fair share.
BM once told DH he HAD to
BM once told DH he HAD to give her money to feed the adult skids because it wasn't fair that her BF was buying groceries for everyone.
He said, you're absolutely right he shouldn't be paying for them, You should be. Or the kids could pay for groceries, it was summer and they both had summer jobs.
BM wasn't working and had moved in with her BF to save money. I guess he didn't mind paying for her but had a problem with paying for her adult kids? Go figure.