BM has been married 6 times, so I'm trying to remember a time when she was ever truly single. :?

I'm friends with her on facebook. I follow her.
Lindsey Light.
I enjoy a lot of her writing.

I share custody of my kids. Am I a mother and am I single? yes. But my kid's have very involved loving fathers who help with homework and do rides to Tae Kwon Do and all that parenting entails. So sometimes when it's not my custody days, I have a break. I do. Stay at home moms sometimes have it worse than me, I think.

That being said, I have a friend who is a stay at home mom and when her husband has to travel for work and she writes, "I'm single moming "it today and goes on these long tirades and complain fests, I get irritated.

She isn't supporting her kids all by herself financially. She really has no clue.

I do not understand why people want the term single mom to mean a mom who STRUGGLES to do it all on her own. It simply means a mom who isn't married.

Some single moms unfortunately had kids with useless men.
Some single moms unfortunately had kids they struggle to support on their own.
Some single moms had kids with responsible men who are involved and help support their children.
Some single moms have careers that allow them and their children to live just fine with or without CS.

Being a single mom has nothing to do with the level of involvement from the dad. Or mom being dirt poor and worrying about how she's going to feed her kids. It simply means mom isn't married or living with her SO.

Ugh... my DH's Ex recently posted how she raised her girls as a "single mom". As if that was some special accomplishment.

Yes, she did have primary custody during most of the last 10 years (with the exception of a year that the YSD chose to live with us and the senior year for both girls when they decided they had had "enough" of her). However, she always got child support in full and even when she didn't have the children in her home the years they lived elsewhere. Even when the older girl aged out, DH did not go ask for a reduction. Plus we paid all their insurance and medical expenses and she never paid her obligation of half. She also lived with her BF the whole time with zero rent and drove vehicles he paid for and he also bought the groceries, paid utilities and footed the bill for vacations etc... So, the lady did NOT raise these girls without any financial support. Multiple people chipped in. Shoot, we would often give the girls food or money to pay for their lunches because she was just such a POS that she didn't keep food in the house for that. My DH also had liberal visitation and his parents also had the kids quite a bit.. so she mainly had them school nights and weekends were a hit or miss.

For her to say that she raised them "on her own" is disingenuous and to state that you are a single mother generally implies that you did this hard work by yourself. Lady, you were never single, you were married when you had the girls and then you had boyfriends pretty much the whole time ever since! You have not financially supported themselves as a "single" person, multiple people helped you with that! You didn't raise them by yourself emotionally either. Your EX, his new wife (me) and their grandparents all were active participants and supports in their lives. If you want to take the "single mother" to narrowly mean unmarried then have at it, but we know you meant to imply that this was hard for you to do all by yourself and that is a LIE.

Being a single mom has nothing to do with the level of involvement from the dad. Or mom being dirt poor and worrying about how she's going to feed her kids. It simply means mom isn't married or living with her SO.

I agree, but many people, "single dads" included, throw the term around for entirely different reasons than just to state their marital/partner status.

Ok, I changed my mind. I'm chiming in.

BM claims "single mom". She is single. She is NOT a mom. She gave birth. She's not a mom.

That is all. Please don't throw tomatoes at me.

As a single mom with no supportive family or child support, I have felt jealousy when other single mothers have help from their ex spouse or their family. I think when single moms start throwing stones at other single moms about who is more worthy of that title, it comes from a place of envy. But it's not my place to say that I struggle more. Every family has their own issues.

I am NOT a single mom, DH and I are married so nope, not single. However, I do the lion's share of BS6 raising as DH is on disability from a work injury and is more often than not, laid up in bed. So I work full-time, have a horse boarding business at the house that I am 100% responsible for all care of horses morning and night, I do some horse show judging on the side for extra money AND I take BS6 to karate 2 times a week, to most of his soccer and/or baseball practices and games and ALL school events. DH comes to things when he's feeling up to it, but I really can't depend on him, so I just plan on doing it all. I guess financially I don't have the "single" mom issues so there's that.

I guess what I'm trying to say, is before BM2 married her boy toy, she considered herself a "single mom" and threw it in DH's face all the time. However, she worked PT, got CS, and DH babysat whenever she summoned him to, she did not have SS involved in any sports or extra curriculars, so just what exactly was so difficult about being a "single mom"? I do 10,000 times what she ever thought of doing.. but because I have a ring on my finger, I guess I don't get bragging rights and pity parties?

it does seem to marginalize the presence, worth, value, and participation of the father.

^^^^^^THIS

BM plays the pity me, I'm a single mom card every chance she gets as a way to bash DH and tell others (including the kids) that he's worthless as a dad and provider (kids live with DH full time. BM has EOWE, but no overnights with the kids) and to convince others how difficult her life is BECAUSE DH is worthless.

My personal experience has been that the majority of women I've encountered that find a need to call attention to them being "single moms" do so in a way to bash their child's father and how bad of a provider/parent he is and to try to convince others that somehow their struggles are more important/meaningful/difficult than anyone else's. The single moms I know who don't feel a need to put down or marginalized their ex just self-identify as "mom".

I called myself a single Mom, just as before the separation I called myself a SAHM. I did do temp work occasionally and I took some classes, but for the most part I was home. Once we separated I got CS, but not for the first 3 years. ExH was involved and took the kids eowe. However I was single, so single Mom.
They are labels that I feel make it easier to identify yourself.

The problem comes with the description and using the label as a way to get sympathy or as a dig at someone else.

I know a woman who has 2 children (10 & 2) and no support, not financial or visitation or anything from either of the fathers. She is 100% responsible for everything for her kids 24/7. One father is in jail, the other is a drug addict who is living on the streets in another city. Her parents are dead, she has no other family close but she does have a great support system of friends. I guess a purist would be ok with her calling herself a single Mom. She hates that she's so alone. She knows that she made horrible decisions when choosing men. She's doing everything she can to better her life and her children's lives.

Then you have BM who tells everyone that even when married to DH she was a single mom. That she was the one responsible for the kids, she was the one who was there while DH worked, she cooked and cleaned and helped with homework and ran them to dance and soccer, etc. DH was home every night, she had full access to the bank accounts and she never wanted for anything material. Do I think she wanted DH around more? Yes, I do think he worked a lot and she resented that. She uses the title as a dig at DH.

I think it's cases like these two extremes that cause people to have a problem with the title single mom.