Hmmm…I just skimmed this article and I tend to disagree. Lol. I am 50 and my mom is 70. We have been best friends for as long as I can remember. Well at least after I was in my mid 20s.

We both have other friends but we do talk every day and we see each other most every weekend if not more since we live a few blocks from each other. Lol.

I kinda disagree

A very American Individualistic viewpoint. I do agree with this article in some instances because in our culture the default is for parents to continue to take care of the children with very little or no recriprication from them. The millenials are a testament of the younger generation staying on the teat of the parents for way too long. In many other cultures families are interdependent, supporting each other. The children and their spouse will move back in to physically and financially help their parents. Parents in turn will provide childcare so that both parents can work. In these systems everyone is supported on some level.

When dH and I first married I was OK with ss32 staying with us for awhile to *get on his feet.* I had visions of him doing yard work, finishing renovation projects, helping DH with his side business. Those dreams were dashed pretty quickly in the clouds of pot smoke that rose from the basement. Then I'd find ss passed out on the upstairs couch. When he woke he'd be demanding food and that I go shopping for things he wanted. No mutual support there, just a grown man wanting to be an irresponsible teen again.

I agree with the article that on many levels that independence is needed and an adult child does need to break away on their own. Have to disagree that being best friends with your mom is a bad thing. I wish I had a closer relationship with my own mother, we talk maybe once a year.

we talk maybe once a year.
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Awww...that is very sad and I am sorry.

But this article, which is not really an article but an advice column, is not about adult children at home. :?

There is a big difference between being friends with a parent (as an adult) and co-dependency.

I can relate to this because my husband and his mother never cut the cord so to speak. They text constantly and see each other every day.

Seriously. It's annoying! He can't make any decisions without her.

To be honest, I don't think it's an issue for young adults to stay "connected" to their parents. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean dependent to the point where they can't decide what brand of mayo to buy at the store without input, but I used to talk to my mom almost every day when I was younger. I didn't share "everything" about my life of course, but we did have frequent contact.

My DH's younger daughter also has a close relationship with her dad. They talk pretty much daily. In fact, she called this morning at 645 just as she was driving to work..lol. He also talks to his own father daily.. so it's not an odd family dynamic.

I don't mind, in fact, I think the girl needs to still have input and encouragement from her dad. In her case, I don't see it as "mini-wifish" or begging for money because she doesn't do anything in a way that excludes or competes with me and she never asks for money. She's 19 and I imagine as she gets older and moves further into adulthood that this might change. maybe when she has a family of her own. Her sister doesn't maintain near the amount of contact with her dad that her younger sister does.

I guess at the heart of it, I don't see being close as some negative thing. Not unless it gets in the way of other parts of your life. Perhaps in this letter writer's case, her husband feels she is too wrapped up in the daughter's life.. so maybe she does need to step back a little. Or maybe the guy just needs to not pick apart his wife and daughter's closeness.

25 yo DD is living by herself, hopefully paying most of her bills. There nothing wrong with speaking everyday, othing wrong asking for advice. They will figure it out in time. There nothing wrong in giving them things and money now and again. As long as you are not supporting them.
You want them to grow up to be useful good people I think that the whole point to it

My little sister just turned 25 this week. She's on her own (poor, poor, poor for now bc she chose a social services profession...ASL and Deaf Advocacy). She starts grad school in Washington DC next week.

You'd better believe that my mom and all 5 of her older siblings are sending her money whenever we can. lol.

I wouldn't say I talk to her every day, nor does my mom, but we make a point to check in. Between all of us, I know she has a lot of support...but she's also an incredibly hard worker, incredibly independent-minded and self-sufficient. I'm driving 16+ hours to help her move this weekend (3 hours to her, then 8 hours to DC, then 8 hours back home...) and she keeps insisting she's going to pay me back once her financial aid comes in. No way am I letting her.

I agree that a lot of teens and 20-somethings today are far too entitled, expecting to do no work and to have everything handed to them...but a lot of them are incredibly hard workers who have simply inherited a crappy economic situation. My skids can be lazy at the house...but they all have jobs and work hard there, according to their employers.