OMG and WTF!!!

DH comes home after work tonight and tells me that his ex called him about Puke's visit. Evidently the dog is no longer an issue because she is coming Sunday and staying all week. How curious.

Then he tells me that Puke went home after her last visit complaining about me. How I had a label on 2 drawers in my bathroom that said "Over Step's (Do Not Use)". And how I never talk to her while she's here.

Are you effing kidding me?! I went balistic. I told DH I want to face my accuser and so we are siting down to finish this once and for all. DH will say nothing and Puke is free to say anything she wants. Just as I am. I will be calm and factual. Once we end the conversation it is over and nothing more will be said. I am done being her target.

I'm still furious.

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I'd handle this differently.

I'd handle this differently. I'd tell little Puketard that perhaps you should label your belongs as OFF LIMITS to her thieving ass. That your belongings are TOTALLY OFF LIMITS to her. No matter how much she whines to mommy.

As far as not talking to her - tell her "so what". Tell her that it's a good trait to have. One only talks to people worthy of your time.

Now I do not think you should use profanity (not that you would) with a minor child. But it's perfectly okay to set her straight on her place (or non place) in your life and home. This is not a 4 year old.

But do not leave her with the impression that you are bothered by her lies and sh*t or that will just encourage her. Leave her with the impression that she is totally irrelevant in your life. Like a bug to be shooed away.

I was thinking of using the

I was thinking of using the "And you are?" Sure as hell not my mother.

I agree that I would not feed

I agree that I would not feed the drama.

Tell DH, the drawers stay as is, and the door stays locked, and you don't care what she tells BM about you, because this is your home.

It's only when you show that you don't care that they will look for another target, you need to make yourself boring. This meeting gives this girl and her jack@ss mother way too much importance. THAT's what they're after.

My stance will be that I am a

My stance will be that I am a grown a$$ woman that doesn't have to answer to anyone especially a 16 year old girl. I will do what I want and if she doesn't like it, too bad.

Good stance.

Works for me! I'd talk to her

Works for me! I'd talk to her for sure!

I have the mouth of a

I have the mouth of a trucker, so I would say "I am a grown a$$ motherf**king woman and I don't give two sh!ts WHAT a 16 year old brat OR her whore of a mother thinks! I don't have to f*(king answer to either of them and if they don't f&*king like it, TOO F*(KING BAD!!!"

But, yeah, yours is good too

I wouldn't give that little

I wouldn't give that little s**t an audience.

Your H should tell BM what goes on in your house is none of her damn business.

Your H should tell your SD what goes on in this house is not open for discussion with BM.

Your H should tell your SD you're not required to have a relationship with her.

There is no reason in the world for you to justify your actions in your home. She can like it or lump it. To engage her in an open arena is exactly what she wants. You're giving her permission to be rude to you.

Continue to ignore her. She's not worth the time or trouble.

I agree with Shaman, I was

I agree with Shaman, I was wondering why DH didn't shut BM down when she tried to bring that up.

BM should be concerned to know why her daughter has to be kept out of her step mother's things as far as having to label drawers!!

Exactly. Screw Poor Puke's

Exactly. Screw Poor Puke's feelings. The problem is that you have to label stuff. Hello BM and DH, that's crappy parenting.

Exactly!!

TOTALLY agree with Shaman.

DH should have told BM to shut up. And HE should be the one to tell SD that she is free to tell her mom whatever she wants but that HE will jsut hang up on BM the next time she calls and tried to complain about you.

If YOU are the one to confront her, then she wins. And so does BM. They know they got to you. Then they get to talk about you more. Then DH feels sorry for SD because you are being mean to his baby again. See where I am going with this?

Make DH stand up and be a man. He is such a coward. He cows down to all of the women in his life. Weird.

DH will not do what he should

DH will not do what he should do so I am. Puke will not get out of this what she thinks she will. Pity from DH. I think his eyes will be opened and confirm everything I already know. She can't manipulate me and is lashing out. I'm not afraid of her or BM. I've said from the beginning that if they have a problem with me, I'd be happy to discuss it but they won't like because I don't roll over like DH does.

I have a short fuse these day

I have a short fuse these day so I instantly reacted.

Oh yes. The stupid the eff up while I'm working will be brought up along with everything else you mentioned. If she didn't hate me before, she will after this. I will put the fear of dog in her.

I will be very calm and matter of fact. Say my peace and be done with her.

Nope. No reaction. I'll say

Nope. No reaction. I'll say what I mean and mean what I say.

I concur. Your H seems oddly

I concur. Your H seems oddly over interested in Puke's and BM's feelings and (not so) secretly agrees with them.

I used to get the same treatment from Chef. Turns out he thought his brats were angels (who knew, right?) but were doing everything possible to "divide and conquer."

H should have said in front of SD and BM "one does not label items unless there is a need to do so, for example labeling one's lunch at the office--obviously Puke has no respect for others property and I'm disgusted by that. And so should you be equally disgusted, BM."

Then go on to outline consequences for Puke's behaviour in front of BM.

Of course, in this proper scenario, the PASinator BM and PAS bonging skid will raise their ire and the PAS will ramp up.

In most guilty daddy cases, these men are trying to "ride the backs of two horses" specifically by cowtowing to the woman who gives him the most grief and holds the "mother of my children" card. (TM). Combine liberally with "blood is thicker than water" quotient.

I agree. I would be upset if

I agree. I would be upset if this my DH even listened to BM's complaints about how we do things in our house. She has tried that before. My DH has a standard response. As soon as she starts complaining, he cuts her off mid-sentence: "BM, I will not discuss our household rules as they are not your concern." If she keeps talking about it, he hangs up on her.

I may be weird, but I think my DH listening too or responding to BM's complaints is completely wrong. It just opens the door for problems.

He stood up for me more than

He stood up for me more than I've seen before. He has no issue with me labeling MY things and understands why. He sees how Puke doesn't talk to me even when I have tried.

In my book there IS NO issue

In my book there IS NO issue with you labeling your stuff. I have done that with my own bio daughters. There are some beauty items that are more expensive and I want them to last longer than average. My youngest daughter always liked to try out any new thing I brought home when it came to beauty products. It usually wasn't a issue for me, but when I pay extra for a face wash because it's more moisturizing for my 50 plus year old skin, I want to stretch it out for as long as I can and she gets that.

I know the dynamic is totally different because these are my own bios, but my point is that there is nothing wrong with you having your own off-limits stuff and her BM knows it.

It's just another way she is teaching her daughter not to respect her father's wife, and their relationship . Great parenting skills mom.....NOT

As for your DH he is the only one who can change the dynamics of this whole situation by insisting she honor your boundaries. Easier said than done, I know.

SD is NOT a victim because she doesn't get to invade your personal space. She has her own mother to do that too.

I love your evil ways!

I also have a thieving puke

I also have a thieving puke in my life.

My feeling, the only lock I need is the one to keep him out or lock him up.

The PROBLEM is an unsupportive SO, who thinks he is an angel (so far from the truth).

I have stopped talking to him(the puke), I am feeling childish but secretly enjoying it.

I insist he is no longer home alone and have left an ultimation - this was not the first time, but it better be the last time - assure me it will not happen again, or we sell the house and I walk.

So far, I am waiting...... Tender hooks I admit, but I am sleeping a little better.

I think she plays BM like she

I think she plays BM like she plays Dad.

The kid didn't want to come for the weekend so she pulled the puppy crap out on Dad. Dad buys it. BM wants rid of kid for whatever reason. Kid didn't want to come for weekend, kid sure don't want to come for the whole week. Kid pulls out the SM ignores me and denies me 'necessities'. Mom buys it. Mom calls Dad ripping on SM.

The only thing kid underestimated was how much BM wants kid gone for the week. So instead of BM letting kid actually stay home, Mom spanks SM thinking Mom has now fixed Precious Puke to be happy and go to Dad's.

The kid is a player. Her parents are idiots.

I know you don't want puppy at your house, and rightly so... but I think I'd allow it just once the next weekend she uses the puppy bit and call the kid's bluff. This kid needs her a** called out in a 'bless your heart' kind of way.

In a perfect world, DH would

In a perfect world, DH would have addressed this all with Puke and BM a long time ago. But this is not that world. I want to get this all out in the open and move on. More for me than anyone else.

I don't care if I have a relationship with Puke or not. If I do, it's on my terms. I have tried and am done trying so if she truly wants a relationship, then she will have to do the work and prove to me she's worth it. I doubt I have to worry about that happening.

If nothing else, it'll be clear what we want and DH can start living in the real world.

Me neither. The door was open

Me neither. The door was open but I would still knock if I needed something. If the door was closed, I didn't even knock! I (gasp) left them alone!!

These kids are given that

These kids are given that control by their parents so boundaries mean nothing to them. They think they are entitled to be treated as an equal when they have to earn that by being a respectful and responsible adult.

I would have never questioned my parents or any adult in authority on anything. You respectively say yes ma'am or sir and move on. It wasn't a discussion. It was an expectation.

I would be running around on

I would be running around on a labeling spree, but I'm a bit*h that way. Label everything that belongs to you or you help pay for, including HER stuff. Bed, table, linens, bedroom? All stuff you probably paid for, right?

My SO's ex did try to tell

My SO's ex did try to tell him what we could and could not do in our own house - his reply: "MY house, MY rules, none of your business".

Lather, rinse, and repeat as many times as necessary. She's now (mostly) got the idea...

I'd love to see the look on

I'd love to see the look on their faces when Over hands out I am Puke, No balls Wimp name labels.

Well it is a sad state of

Well it is a sad state of affairs when you need to lock things away.

DH should have dealt with this a long time ago but he didn't. My rule from Day 1 was "If your ex bitches about me, i do not want to hear it. I am Queen of this house not her. If she wants to call the shots she can pay the mortgage."

If DH came home to me and said his ex said xyz I would not give a rats arse. I mean, why do I care what your ex wife thinks about me? She tried it once and he shut her down. After pointing out their sons were playing each parent off against the other and was not playing THAT game.

As for Puke... sit her down. Ask her what she wants to say. My bet is *Crickets*
Then point out the reason things are locked away is because she keeps taking your things without asking. She leaves her bathroom in a mess and you are sure her mother would DIE if she saw the bathroom her daughter uses left like this (This is an awesome idea because if she disagrees she is saying her mother likes living in a tip). YOu are not removing labelling in your own home and if Puke has a problem with it she can call CPS and tell them all about it. And if Puke thinks telling tales to her mother about how things are done here will change anything, she is sadly mistaken.... Then hand her a spreadsheet of her actual expense while she is here broken down to the daily useage. Ask her when she will be paying her share of the mortgage/rent/heating/electricity/ water etc because that will be the day she gets a vote.

I told DH last night that he

I told DH last night that he is to never talk to his ex wife about me or what has happens in this house again. If she tries to, he is to put a stop to it.

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