Why is the deck always stacked in her favor?

I posted yesterday about transportation for visitation and the fact that BM refuses to do anything. Overwhelming consensus of comments was the we're SOL and if he wants visitation then he has to suck it up and drive. Whatever.

I want to know when DH isn't going to be on the losing end of all this. DH is a good man, and all he's doing is trying to be a decent dad. She doesn't listen to a damned thing he has to say--his opinions explicitly don't matter, regardless of anything. She manipulates those poor kids to the point that DH is getting to the point where he's afraid to do anything. It's not in their best interests, but that doesn't seem to matter, either. She does whatever she wants, regardless of anything and everything. She's hateful and mean. She hurls insults after accusations like he's a monster. Even if he doesn't complain about anything, he's still in the wrong.

What do we need to do to make this better? The stress is killing both of us at this point. Frankly, I've given up on the kids at this point, but I need this man to be OK.

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If I recall from yesterday,

If I recall from yesterday, transportation is not addressed in the parenting plan, right?

If that's true, then go back to court and seek a modification that lays out who drives where and when. Typically, a court will say that the parent who is beginning their parenting time does the driving, so in your case, your husband would go to BM's to get the skids and then she would come to your house to pick them up.

Sadly pretty standard

Sadly pretty standard behaviour for typical ego driven BM.

As Sally says, court, COURT, COURT!

Get everything in writing and legal then hold her feet to the fire over every single matter until she gets the message that your DH will not roll over under any circumstances

The placation route does not work--ask all the thousands of biodads that had gone before you

Asshat was a lot like your

Asshat was a lot like your XH.

I took his ass to court every single time he didn't do something he was ordered to do.

I didn't look petty and I didn't piss off my judge - I won every single time. Know why? Because he was in violation of a court order. THAT is what pisses judges off.

Had serious issues with our

Had serious issues with our BM PASing the kids, refusing visitation, holidays, boundaries issues (showing up to our house unannounced, walking into our house, stealing mail, autherizing withdrawals from our accounts to hers years after the dicorce, opening credit cards and accounts with DH ss# and charging on them, stalking our house, calling texting, emailing nonstop and clearly stated in many "I told the kids how worthless/POS you are" if she didn't have control)
I watched my DH get beat down and the kids he loved (and I too) get manipulated, abused physically and emotionally, and my home get repeatedly violated by BM, to the point that my exH said BM was making my home unsafe for my bios, and my own DS asked if we could get an RO.
I made it all STOP! Because DH wouldn't and my bios were witness to inappropriate situations.
My advice.
COURT!
Follow the CO to the letter, if there is a problem like drop offs and she won't agree, drag her in for a modification, over and over and OVER AGAIN AND AGAIN!
Adventually she will see she can't manipulate and abuse to get her way.
It worked for me and my BM was WAY out of control!

Mediation only works if both

Mediation only works if both parties are reasonable but that seldom ever happens. Most people end up in a high conflict divorce / break up.

Go to court and if you are in a BM centric area, do not go pro se.

I'd be careful doing that

I'd be careful doing that because she can charge him with kidnapping if the kids are not returned to her when the CO says they should be back.

Not if the CO says she has to

Not if the CO says she has to come pick them up.

But the CO in this case is

But the CO in this case is silent regarding transportation. She is the custodial parent. If the NC parent keeps the kids and does not return them when their parenting time has ended, it most certainly is considered kidnapping.

I would start off by putting

I would start off by putting money where my mouth is. You want BM to have to do half of transportation, well you're a BM, why don't you do half of transportation with your children visiting their dad.

My CO was set up that way

My CO was set up that way after my ex husband reneged on an agreement that we had made--and when he lived 6 hours away. Which we agreed to outside of court, like grownups.

I begrudge a woman who's trying to destroy my DH. I begrudge ANYONE who engages in PA. I begrudge anyone who does nothing to facilitate a relationship between their ex and their kid(s). Silly me, thinking that parents should act like adults instead of refusing to discuss or resolve issues. Silly me for thinking that such a devoted mother as she purports to be should actually do ANYthing.

Please forgive me for making you irate with my obvious golden uterus issue. Of course DH and I should bow to the glory that is BM because EXH and I have an agreement on transportation that you don't like.

Why should I? That's not my

Why should I? That's not my agreement.

In DH's case, the CO is says nothing about transportation, so there's no reason for her not to do some.

It was her who decided to move.