I need serious help. 
 

I feel like I'm sinking.

I feel like I'm in a tug of war and I'm fighting and fighting but there's no end in sight.

My step son voiced around 6 months ago that he wanted to live with me, his dad, and my 3 children. He's 12, and very very intelligent for his age. Prior to him telling us this, he came to me crying one day saying moms boyfriend yelled at him and cussed at him almost nose to nose because he was being disrespectful and mumbled something under his breath. Not to long after this, my step daughter who was 8 at the time was playing Barbies with my 9 year old when she starts making her babies have sex, she proceeds in moaning, and telling my daughter that "the boy has to wear a condom so the girls doesn't get pregnant". My daughter is sort of traumatized, tells me and we (her dad and I) talk to his daughter in regards to this. She tells us explicitly how a man puts on a condom and that "mommy told me". She tells us that boyfriend hit her in the head with a baseball because she didn't move. (He/bf admitted to this). Mom and bf let 8 year old wear clothing that only cover her breasts and shorts so short you can see her butt, red lipstick, black eyeshadow. (In cringing just thinking back on this time.) His children tell us that mom and boyfriend turn on music and when the music is on they are having sex so that means to not disturb until the music is over. That mom only fixes dinner and sometimes it's whatever's left over from what she fixed bf that he didn't finish or they'd fix themselves cereal. there's more, but I'm trying to condense it. Mom wants her boyfriend, Dad, and me present for a chat. She immediately is telling me it's not my place for her children to come to me with anything. Her bf tells dad that if he thinks men could sexualize the 8 year based on what they allow her to wear then maybe he should seek help. Mind you mom has been living with bf for only 3/4 months at this point.

Mom finds out that the 12 year old boy wants to live with us, is very well behaved at our home, and is just overall a good sweet kid and flips. Then both children start behaving awful at our home. Says we've been mean to mom and boyfriend. And they all of a sudden, don't like me nor my children (ages girl-9, boys-6&4) because "my mom doesn't like y'all". Their 12 year old son has now told us that if he feels "disrespected by any of my children, whether that's a look, a tone, anything that he will try to "scare" them and if that doesn't work he will hit them until they are unconscious and then maybe kick them a few times while they are down. Dad and I ask him why, tell him other things he can do if he's feeling angry and the result for him and for them if he were to do that. He tells us he doesn't care. Dad asks him if I intervened what he would do. He says "me and mom will lie and say she hit me so she'll go to jail and lose the kids." Dad proceeds with, that wouldn't make you feel bad? And would your mom really do that? He says, "yes she would, and I wouldn't feel bad about it until later that day but at that point there's nothing I could do."

wow right. Yeah.

Dad talks to mom about getting him help. She says no. And eventually maybe but he will pay full cost for whatever help she decides is the best fit regardless if it's an out of network provider and regardless of how many.. but like I said.. she said "maybe eventually".

i'm so frustrated. So so frustrated. I used to have a phenomenal relationship with both of my step children, and now the oldest wants to do physical harm to my children.

i need help because I'm truly unsure of what to do.