Last night with Therapist was interesting. We haven’t seen her in awhile due to my grandmother’s death, dealing with the estate, the holidays, the situation with having to move my Grams's friend, and her move blah blah blah blah….we spent the first 10 minute or so filling her in about the situation between Karate Kid and ASS, how DH and I spent our time without the skids, etc….

We briefly covered the pigsty, aka ASS’s room, and I showed her the pictures. She asked me what I wanted done. I told her that I want the room clean, like yesterday! She said that while teens tend to have messy rooms, the problem I have with the food and the potential problems with that was important and needed to be addressed. DH said he would tell ASS that he had until Friday after school to clean it up himself or we would go in there and deal with it ourselves. While I thought that it should be sooner than Friday, I conceded. I know it’s not going to be done, and I will have ZERO problem going in the mahverahownself while ASS is at the library this weekend. I will throw every thing away. I told DH this. He said okay.

We then moved on to what will happen with ASS after he turns 18 and/or graduates from high school.
Therapist told DH that whatever ASS chooses to do after he turns 18 is on HIM and not on DH. That DH has done everything possible to give this kid every single advantage and the kid has turned his back on every single thing. DH said that his biggest fear is that ASS will end up on the streets.

Therapist asked him, “and what if he does? What will you do?” DH said “I would find him a cheap apartment.” I lost it. I said, “why would you do that? Why would YOU pay for his apartment? Why shouldn’t HE be responsible for his own stupid situation that his own stupid decisions and beliefs put him in?”

Lots of discussion followed, with me repeating that if an ADULT chooses to be a dick, than that ADULT should NOT be enabled by his father and Therapist reminding DH that all the research as well as common sense says that enabling your ADULT kid is NOT the way to go. In the end, DH asked why ASS couldn’t stay in the house post high school if he was working full time and paying rent? I went to open my mouth, but before anything could come out, he answered his own question. “Because he won’t follow our rules or respect our house.” Therapist and I were nodding our heads in agreement.

She told DH that he needs to come up with the plan for ASS and let the brat know what will happen when he graduates high school. She suggested that he not use the words “when you turn 18” because ASS will still be in school and the goal is to get him through high school. She said that even if ASS tries to argue or refuses to participate in the conversation, he still needs to hear that there is a plan and it will be followed. DH agreed to come up with a plan by the time we meet with Therapist in two weeks.

We will sit down this weekend and come up with the launch plan. I feel bad for DH, because I understand his concern for his stupid kid, but tough love comes very naturally to me (thanks to my parents’ experience with my brother) and not at all naturally to him. As DH was falling asleep last night, I whispered in his ear, “remember, you can live with HIM or you can live with ME. Please don’t make me prove to you that I mean that.”
And, so it goes.