Last night at Jeanette’s was interesting. The focus of the session was why DH is stuck wishing and hoping that ASS will go to college, when ASS has made it clear that he won’t go unless someone else pays the entire cost. Therapist has been asking him to come up with the exit plan for a long time now, and DH has not done so, mostly because he has his head in the sand and doesn’t feel like “kicking ASS out of the house” is the right thing to do.

DH finally admitted that he can’t control what ASS will do and that he is “afraid” that ASS will end up making bad choices. Therapist said that that kind of fear is why some of her clients have their 30 year adult children living in their basements – lol!

DH said that the last time he and ASS talked about it, ASS said he was going to move out after graduation. Duh – this is what he has always said. Therapist impressed upon DH the importance of ACTUALLY MAKING A PLAN with ASS – sort of a “hey, I know this is what you want to do, so let’s figure out a way to get you there” without offering up to pay rent, utilities, blah blah blah blah. Of course, this is what I have been saying all along, but hey, what do I know about raising kids?

DH said that ASS will probably go live with his parents or Medusa’s dad (who is a total dick) and SM (who is really nice but a totally enabling parent to her own kids) after graduation – here’s hoping!! I can’t imagine DH’s parents, who are 76 and 74, wanting an 18 year old kid who doesn’t have a job and doesn’t have a driver’s license hanging around the house, but if they do, more power to them. I think what is more likely to happen is that ASS moves in with Medusa’s dad and SM – Medusa’s dad just became a partner in a restaurant down the road from his house and he is all about looking like the hero so I can see him letting ASS move in with them and working at the restaurant. I don’t see SM liking that plan, because they travel A LOT and I can’t see her wanting ASS in her house when they aren’t there, but again, more power to them if they do.

DH is just riddled with guilt about ASS. We ended the session talking about BabyVoice and Karate Kid and how they are relatively “normal” teens and how it’s not his fault that ASS is being, well, an ASS. That DH has reached the time to let go of ASS and see what happens. I put a little bit of a different spin on it and asked DH if ASS was an addict, would his argument and guilt be the same? Would he support ASS and let him live in the house doing addict things? Would he not hold ASS accountable? He said no to all of these – whew!! I think he got my point, despite the fact that I was comparing apples to grapes…

I do feel badly for DH, I mean, I don’t have loser kids, so I can’t imagine what it must be like to know that your kid is probably percolating a mental illness, is an ASS just to be an ASS, hates your guts and feels like you owe him an existence BUT, the reality is that ASS will be 18 in 10 days and DH has no control over what another person does or doesn’t do.

So, tonight he and I will sit down (with a big bottle of wine) and talk about what, if anything, he and I will do to assist ASS with figuring out his future. DH is asking me to give ASS 60 days after graduation as the “GTFO” date – I am willing to consider that, at least I am right now. DH has agreed to up the GTFO date is ASS starts pulling the old “I am an adult and I can do what I want” card.

And, so it goes…