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Binase's picture

Submitted by Binase on Sun, 12/27/2015 - 7:30am

I have a stepdaughter she's 15yrs old. It's been a year now my problem with her is that when I tell her that she must wash dishes or clean her bedroom hell breaks lose. She will be moody and not talk to anyone or sometimes be mean to my daughter which is her stepsister. She always fights with her mom, I've a chat with and told her not fight with her mom and try build a relationship with her, and must stop being nice to her only when she wants things from her. She listened and I'm happy with that, until recently when her mom called my husband and told him that their Daughter is always talking bad things about us and how we do things in my house, I was very disappointed and hurt when my hubby told me. Every time when she comes back from her mother she would be all moody and lock herself in her room. I usually keep quiet and avoid her, now my hubby is telling me that I mustn't do that, he says I must discipline her and put my foot down, she drains me emotionally especially when she starts being mean to my daughter. Please help me, how do I deal with her

Comments

furkidsforme's picture

Submitted by furkidsforme on Sun, 12/27/2015 - 8:44am

Kids playing one side against the other is as old as time itself, don't take it personally.

But yeah, HER FATHER should be the one "putting the foot down" and disciplining. I'm sure he prefers letting you be the "bad guy". Don't let him.

Last In Line's picture

Submitted by Last In Line on Sun, 12/27/2015 - 9:37am

Agree with the others--her father should be the one telling her to do her chores and dealing with her behavior if she doesn't like being told to do them.

I wouldn't be counseling her about how to deal with her mom unless she comes to you seeking advice. He needs to be the one doling out consequences for her behaviors.

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Sun, 12/27/2015 - 5:50pm

So welcome to teenagerland.

I agree with the others. Raising this child is not your job. She is not your child. She has 2 capable parents. If anything you can tell her BM that SD says the same kinds of things about her home and maybe she is playing each parent off against the other.

I would continue to ask her to do her chores but only once. If she doesn't or makes a fuss turn to her father and say "She is your daughter. Please sort this out." And walk away. Do not feel sad or let down or hurt by her crappy behaviour. This is normal with hormonal silly teens. If your DH says "You need to...." just tell him "I can't make her do anything. Legally I have as much responsibility for her as the next door neighbour. YOU are her parent. If you are not up to the job let her mother know and she can move there permanently."

Binase's picture

Submitted by Binase on Mon, 12/28/2015 - 4:04pm

Thank you so much for replying it really means a lot to me. I voiced out my concerns to hubby and he seemed to understand but today the girls came back from their mothers and said to me I must try and be nice to them, when I asked him how? He said he can see that I'm avoiding them, they came in and went straight to their dad. And gave him hugs, I then excused myself since they greeted then went straight to daddy. 1st of all he called them and they spoke over the and all they did was complain about me. Why am the bad person now? I'm really hurt.