Lets put it this way, if your girls had brought you the project and it was due monday it would be finished by sunday. Yes if your girls had managed to hide this project from you until sunday, youd be annoyed at them, theyd be told off in some way and made to do the project, you may help out but not do it for them.

In terms of the whole loving your bios more than your step, yes thats just nature.

It's not your responsibility to help your SS with his project, he has two parents, neither of whom were concerned with it. Nothing to do with love, really, and he should not be throwing something like that in your face.

" I told dh that I was not going to be doing this project. It is not mandatory and bm didn't see fit to help, so why should we."

Depends on what you meant by this statement. Do you mean you personally won't be helping or did you mean this project will not be done at Dad's period? For example, kid got assignment after-school Wednesday and is due this Monday. Dad has kid Friday, Saturday and Sunday of those days. Why isn't it as much Dad's assignment to do with kid as it would have been BM's assignment on Wednesday or Thursday?

IMO 50/50 doesn't mean 'if she didn't bother, why should Dad'.

Don't get worked up about such things. Just smile and tell him he should do it for his kid. You are too busy preparing for your workday tomorrow. You would have been happy to help with prior notice but now it is impossible.

Did you tell him all that? If not you need to correct him

Just because you love him doesn't mean that you will love his kid. You love your daughters because you wanted them and you are their mother.

I have had to flat out tell my husband that i am in love with him, we have children together and I will do everything I can to make sure our relationship works, but that love is conditional. It is conditional on he doesn't cheat on me, that he makes our relationship his priority, that he care for our children.

I understand that he has other children, and I told him that I don't love them and don't expect them to love me. They have a mom and dad, and it is solely on him to make a relationship with them and what he wants that to be. If they are here then they follow my house rules, just like they would anywhere.

You should have told the stepson to ask his dad. You should let your husband know that while you accept his son, that his needs are o be taken care of by his parents.

Honestly, we have gotten to the same point with the skids. I am not the parent, and if they ask for help in advance, I don't have a problem helping. However, if they wait until the last minute, I won't lift a finger, even if they do ask for help.

For example, skid had a project that she had a week to work on. It as assigned on a Monday and was due the following Tuesday. Monday afternoon, before the project was due, skid says, I have this project to do. Can you X, Y, and Z for me? I asked questions and found out that she blew off the project for the entire week. I said, to go talk to her dad. She did. He got her the supplies she needed, and took her phone away for two weeks. Had she asked for X, Y, and Z the same day the project was assigned, or even a day or two after I would have been happy to help.

The other skid has had a project to do since the third week of school. It's due tomorrow. ALL work for this project has been done in our home. Skid said she didn't need to work on it at mom's house--our house was for homework (wonder who put that idea in her head). So, skid was told what she needed to do at BM's the next time she was there to even out the work and not make our weeks super stressful (minimal work, honestly). She didn't do it. When she returned and asked for help, she was asked to produce what she had worked on over the weekend, and had nothing to show. I said "ask your dad." I was out if she thought she didn't have to do work at her mom's, I wasn't helping someone who wouldn't help herself.

I didn't always have this philosophy, but I'm tired of being the one to bail them out. They are both super smart, and are lazy. It doesn't make sense why they both think no homework needs to be done on the weekend. IF they choose to waste their time, I'm not going to spend my time fixing the problem they created.

My DH learned real quick that any school projects or homework was HIS responsibility. I disenganged from the SS's very early on when I felt their indifference and rude bahavior toward me. I don't shop for them, help them with homework or take any responsibilty for them at all. I am nothing more than a part time roomie when they come over. DH had to step up and handle the shit on his own. They want to treat me like I don't exist...that is how it will be.
Tell DH its on HIM to do the project with her.

Personally I wouldn't have told him you weren't going to do it...that just brings on an argument. Unless he asks you to do the project, in which case you tell him Hell no. If he didn't ask and you just blurted out you were going to do it, you should have just ignored the fact it was due and let DH and SD sink or swim on their own.