Tonights meeting with BM
I know you are all wondering. Probably not, but I am going to update for those who are. It actually went a lot better than I thought. The hard part was at the very beginning when the therapist made us apologize to each other. After that we needed to introduce each other because we haven't ever even officially met in each other in the five years that I have been with dh. Next, bm talked about how I always over step my boundaries and that I need to set limits and yadda yadda yadda. She is upset because I help dh be team parent for the soccer team that he coaches. I didn't want to become defensive, but I told her that I did not agree to help him to hurt her or piss her off. Instead I did it because dh told me that he had asked everyone and no one was willing to help him out. bm said that dh never asked her. I confronted dh because I looked like an idiot. He said that he didn't ask her, but he told her flat out that it wouldn't make sense for her to help because she doesn't want to talk to him. That makes sense. Anyways she kept talking about boundaries. And I get it. She thinks that I overstep because of the team parent thing. I agreed with her and I told her that I didn't want to do it but since I am the wife of the coach, it falls on me. I don't even hang out with the kids. I just send out picture forms and set up the snack schedule. Yippee for me. Anyways I responded that I didn't ask her about it either because her dh was the assistant coach for ss's team at one point. So if the stepdad can help out, I assumed that the stepmom can as well. Obviously this is not the case in bm's eyes, and I get that. It doesn't mean that I will be changing what I do or who I am, but I can understand her feelings and sympathize with her.
Another thing that got me laughing, she said that dh and I have a great presence whenever we go to public occasions for ss. We cheer for him and we talk to everyone, and she feels left out. There were crickets in the room on that one. Um, I cant change the fact that people like me and I can't change the fact that people don't like you. Just speak up more. anyways it went well except that the therapist wants us to talk more! SAY WHAT?!?! I set up a google voice number so she can call me. There was no way in hell I was going to give her my real information. Nope, no thank you. I still think she is crazy. She sat in the meeting the entire time, shaking and bouncing in her seat. It felt nice to have a little power over her. haha
- MommyMayI's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I agree. Bm came in with a
I agree. Bm came in with a huge list and the therapist was like: bm this is stepmom, stepmom this is bm.
I was also curious. Thanks
I was also curious. Thanks for the update!
I am with you on the 5 years
I am with you on the 5 years with DH and BM knows not a single thing about me unless it has been from SS13 and has no problem sending him to a house with a stranger in it I guess.
BM really needs to move on and stop having those thoughts controlling her life, she's very insecure and needs to focus on more important issues other than who is team mom. Wowza.
I agree. No way would I
I agree. No way would I apologize right out of the gate like that. We can have a discussion and if I feel like I need to offer an apology, I don't have a problem doing that. But to just apologize for no reason is pointless and insincere.
And also, you don't need to get BM's permission to do anything, even be the actual coach of the team if asked. She doesn't own the team. If that's all she has to complain about, the entire situation sounds like a waste of time. Oh boo hoo, SM is helping HER HUSBAND with team crap. Whine whine whine. She's the one over stepping bounds. No Exwife should be dictating the relationship between the new married couple....Although we do see it all the time.
I find the entire concept of
I find the entire concept of a SM being forced in to a meeting with a BM over petty inconsequential issues very off putting. Nothing on this earth could induce me to attend a session with Jabba.
Dh and I of course agree with
Dh and I of course agree with all of your comments. I don't want anything to do with bm, and I already made it clear that I will not let her control my life. The therapist told dh before bm and I had to do this that he just needed to show bm that I was not trying to destroy her. She is dealing with paranoid delusions. Don't get me wrong. She said some very inappropriate things and was a complete idiot, but at least the therapist can say that I tried. As for engaging with bm. I really don't want to and I can tell she doesn't either, but we are in this about 15 grand, so until our court date I am definitely going to try it the therapist's way. However, I will not be giving her my contact information. Um, no. I am not crazy haha. I gave her my Google voice number and then I am just going to always send it to voicemail.
Sounds like you handled the
Sounds like you handled the situation well. I can't believe that she admitted her insecurities to all of you in that room. But they are just that, her insecurities. What did she hope to accomplish by sharing those with you. Does she expect you to not be a part of your husbands life and be present at events in which she may be present.
How did the therapists respond to her nonsensical issues with you.
Ok this part bothered me. I
Ok this part bothered me. I feel like he should have stepped in and said this was unreasonable but he just kept saying you two need to talk to each other about this stuff. That would be great but if I don't agree to her demands, and she freaks out, then what do I do?
OMG, this could have been a
OMG, this could have been a therapy appointment for BM and I! Replace soccer with baseball and that is us right there. She complains that I am friends with all of SS's friends moms. Well, that is because I took the time to get to know them. They are involved parents, and so am I. And... my daughters are in the same organization. So... it's not just SS's games that I would see them at, and now they are my best friends. She very well could have become friends with them. Except, they don't like her. Opinion formed on their own.
I'm glad it went well. Good call on not giving her your real info. Wish I would have thought of that one.
A therapy session over this
A therapy session over this crap? With BM? No.way.in.hell.
Therapist sounds like a crackpot.
You seem to have handled it well, though. Good job. I wouldn't have been able to keep from rolling my eyes to the back of my head.
I wonder if this therapist is
I wonder if this therapist is from an intact family or has ever understood the whole "Divorce" thing. Bc baby-ing a BM leads nowhere.
If I ever have to do a therapy session with BM I would have a lot to say but an apology wouldn't be one and that's for damn sure. I used to empathize with BM because I could see all her lashing out came from her own insecurities but now I don't care. I'm not going lower my parenting standards because her own are lower than the marsh lands. And I especially am not going to flatter her ego after all the terrible things she's said/done to me. I do for SS what DH cannot as HIS wife I'm here to help him. If your BM is all jealous he has a partner that's happy to help him then she needs to talk with her own SO. Her problems aren't yours to solve for her.