BM - are you lonely!?!
Well, BM has a tendency to text my SO a lot more than she needs to. She's very passive aggressive, and he usually just ignores it, but when he says something smart back to her - she instantly becomes defensive "I was just simply asking a question" something around those lines to make him feel guilty. Yet, she's always being a bitch to him, w/o really being a bitch - ya know? Anyways, she's constantly starting crap, always dragging out convos WAY more than she needs to - is she lonely or something!??? She has a husband - GO TALK TO HIM. Why are you constantly feeling the need to argue with your EX. He's your EX - which means you shouldn't have to argue w/him all the damn time anymore, hence the DIVORCE!
She purposely doesn't cooperate to keep the convo going, I swear to it! I tell him all the time to just stop. Then he gets into a rant about it and I'm like you are letting her do exactly what she wants here - she is making you feel guilty and pissing you off - LET IT GO. Stop worrying about her stupid comments and thoughts - she doesn't matter! It's unfortunate you had kids together and that she won't just be civil, but she won't - so stop letting her control you this way!
It drives me nuts. Luckily it really isn't as bad as I'm sure I make it sound, b/c I'm just frustrated this morning. She seems to always get worse when she has to see me (softball games) and her son (who doesn't play) likes to talk with me. Guess someone gets a little jealous and then takes it out on my SO. It's wonderful.
So yea, think she's just jealous? Lonely? What's the deal? I'm sure tons of other BMs are like this too - wtf is wrong with these women!!!
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Obviously she gets something
Obviously she gets something out of the conflict. Maybe it's simply that it is comfortable for her to relate to her ex that way because they did it for so long.
But yeah, your DH needs to recognize that he is divorced with her, and does not need to engage with her past details involving the kids.
The flip side is, if she wants that connection and he limits all talk to strictly kid-related matters, she may get more difficult about the kids in order to get her fix.
Oh I know this all too
Oh I know this all too well...
In my case, BM is definitely lonely. A big, fat, trashy, lonely pile of sh**, sitting home all day on her ginormous ass, worrying about me and my marriage.
She texts, she's on FB commenting and messaging and liking all of my husbands friends' and families' pics. She creates problems and issues just to have communication.
And yes, my husband limited her to kid-related matters only, and she creates issues and finds pointless topics to text about, to get her fix. Moreso than ever.
It's control, not losing
It's control, not losing touch, and what I fondly refer to as "running around pissing on trees" like territorial dogs are known to do.
Our BM would call DH and ask him to put new brakes on her car, take a look at a leaky faucet, etc. All while her DH was at work. Since she always tried to frame it as "for YOUR kids" DH would consider doing what she asked. I put a stop to that on this end and luckily her DH is truly a nice guy (poor sap) and thwarted her attempts on that end.
Yes! Love this! Totally
Yes! Love this! Totally territorial!
Yea it's usually all kid
Yea it's usually all kid related. She just constantly makes him feel guilty (even tho he has 50/50 custody - so why does she feel to need to make him feel like he isn't there for them??), and just starts stuff over nothing, stuff she can communicate with her kids about, not my SO. The skids are 8 and 10 - ASK THEM YOURSELF. She's just very childish and it's so hard for me to deal with sometimes.
Like I said, it always gets worse if she happens to run into me somewhere, guess I'm a cause for insecurity in her.
Control...or just addicted to
Control...or just addicted to drama. Either way, same result, right? You can't change her and neither can your DH. You are right by telling him to not allow her to affect him like. Don't let her take up space in your head rent-free.
She likes to feel like she
She likes to feel like she still matters to DH. She wants to feel important and relevant.
DH must understand that this is a person who WANTS to argue with him. He gets stressed out, but she gains energy from it. That's why she baits him and drags it out. It's designed to pull him into interaction with her.
Does DH get that even negative energy is good energy to the high conflict ex? Arguing and rationalizing will not work. She likes the arguing and will taken any extra information he gives her as he defends himself as a way to extend the argument. She doesn't want to understand; she wants to argue.
He can't treat her like she's any other person and if he just reasonably explains things, she'll listen. She will not. The fastest way to get this to stop is to refuse to engage in her drama and ignore anything that doesn't merit a response. Let the insults roll off his back, because they're meaningless. They're just her way to get a reaction out of him.
She may be divorced and remarried, but she's still working on the emotional divorce from DH. She probably won't ever let go. This is par for the course with golden uterii. He must pry off her poison tentacles himself rather than waiting for her to do it.
Ugh! I agree with all of
Ugh! I agree with all of that, unfortunately. Stupid BM - I just wish I wasn't so insecure sometimes (that's a whole different issue though), b/c it does get difficult for me knowing they are talking so much - even if it is arguing! But yea, I know she just wants the attention and to feel like she's still important to him - sorry BM - YOU AREN'T!!!