Ss and mil visit
My ss lives 10 hours away from my husband and me. He technically lives with bm but since she lives in the same town as dh's mom, my mil, bm and mil split time. Its like they coparent. So anyways, we get ss7 on all holidays and duting summer. Mil is always kind to me but shes also buddy buddy with bm (who is a psycho bitch) so spring break in coming up. We usually get ss for the full 2 weeks only this time, bm has requested he come for 4 days only. We always drive 10 hours there, drive back her for our time and drive him back and then come home ourselves. So dh was talking to ss (who was at mil's house) an in a round abou way says 'youre coming for 2 weeks" that has always been the agreement and we are not drivig there to come down her and 2 days later drive back... Not happening. SO THEN mil pipes up and gets on the phone and says "since bm wants him back after 4 days and fil only gets four days off work, we are gonna visit when ss comes to see you guys and then we can just drive him"
This has pissed me off beyond belief.
Not only because mil and bm planned their own 'visit' but because now the time my dh and i get alone with ss will not be alone anymore! And ss is soooo bad when hes with bm because she has no rules and soooo bad when hes with mil because she babies him. But here the rules have always been clear and consistant so hes good. I dont want mil and fil to dusrupt that. Idont want ss looking at mil and fil to see if its ok. I know he looks at mil and fil more as parents that dh and i know thats dh's fault but we have done our best in this situation and we hae a nice little routine and now i feel like its all gonna go to shit! Instead of our 2 week visit ALONE we get a 4 2 day visit with mil and fil too?!?
My hubsand thinks its great because he dowsnt have 40 hours of driving to do and he gets to see his parents too
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Comments
Sounds like your husband
Sounds like your husband needs to tell his mom "no". As in "Nope, court order says 'x' we are sticking to x... and since I rarely get to see my son, my attention will be utterly devoted to him while he is here. There will not be time for company".
L
My husband thinks this is
My husband thinks this is great because now he doesnt have to drive AND he gets to see his parents AND his parents have never visited us before so theyve never seen our home. He thinks im over-reacting. He says it will be great to see ss and mil and fil all in our home at the same time :/
Go find him and tell him you
Go find him and tell him you need to talk a few ideas for conversation follow:
We need to talk, this plan does NOT work for me. I will not have another woman, let alone two, deciding who is in my house and for how long. Please close your lips and ponder my next words for a moment: If I were to tell you your child could ONLY visit for 4 days what would your reaction be? You would be pissed that "I" was telling you when/if you could see your child, interfering with your time with your child, that he is your SON and his needs come first and he NEEDS to spend meaningful time with his FATHER.
Now, ask yourself why it is ok for your exwife to STEAL 70% of your parenting time and your 'fine' with this. Ask yourself why you are ok with your mommy and exwife determining when/how and for how long you are allowed see your son and showing their contempt for your parenting time by ensuring your 'visit' will be supervised by your mommy. Ask yourself how exactly you are going to spend meaningful time with your son, and maintain your own house rules, with your mother here, and interjecting her two cents worth with every other breath.
My bottom line is this: I am not prepared at this time for company. I do not want company. If I wanted company I would INVITE company. I am not prepared to set a precedent now that your exwife and mommy can use for years to come of them deciding who is visiting my home and when. Your son is your son. He is part of OUR family... he is not company. An uninvited mother in law can frankly wait until she IS invited.
And end the conversation with something along the ideas of: "Will you be calling your mother to advise her that her plans will not come to fruition? Or would you like me to? If you do not advise me by tomorrow at five pm that this conversation has taken place, I will be placing a call to your mother to talk to her myself."
My thought is this is not
My thought is this is not your hill to climb...This is on DH and if he is okay with it, I would drop it. Give him your opinion about not consulting you, but that is all I would do.