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How to avoid outlash toward my husband

Glenda's picture

I try to be firm but fair, but often fear that if the child gets angry enough, he will ignore his father for extended periods of time. Dad does not have custody, and in the past, when the kid does not get his way, he will say he doesnt want him to come over, or ignore him altogether. This is not legal, but she supports the kid's behavior. For example, the kid got to the point where he told his dad to "shut the F up". I finally had to encourage dad to be a dad and not a friend. He made the kid clean up after himself, and after that, did not talk to his dad for 2 months!! This included father's day. His dad was terrified that mom would make it tougher for him in the future, so he just cried and waited. The kid eventually came back, now resists cleaning but eventually does, but continues to disregard dad's existence when not over every other weekend. Mom plays the pitty party, and the boy has chosen her over his feelings 100% of the time. To avoid her wrath, he just says "all I can do is make him happy". Showers him with gifts. Nothing changes. He chose not to attend his dad's marriage the 20th. I will see him again on thursday, and do not know how to approach this situation. I have soo many things I'd like to say to him, but fear his dad will be punished in the process. Pattern continues, but I feel powerless to speak up. This boy is a replica of his mother who gets a hefty check weekly, but is still calling us to supply food about 2 times a month. I cant do anything because of this fear of further rejection from them. What can I say or not say? Watching his father cry over it is an emotional rollercoaster. He is almost 16! It has always been this way. Advice? :?

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misSTEP's picture

I don't think there is anything that can be done when he is at the age he is. We went through a similar situation and it ended up with my DH backing way off. We could have gone to court but by that time, BM had one of the skids fully convinced that it was her own choice whether she went or not (and, of course, BM would come up with all sorts of FUN THINGS to do on the weekends SD was supposed to come).

After my DH started telling BM "NO" to skipping visitation, she started having SD call to ask instead. So DH was put in the position of being the "bad guy." He just left it alone.

It resulted in about three years of absolutely no contact from her (in fact, DH would have to use a different phone just to get her to pick up when HE called). Now she is starting to actually try to repair her relationship with him.